You must login (register) to review or leave jellybeans
Reviewer: agian18 Signed 1 [Report This]
Date: January 08, 2018 06:00 pm Title: Beautiful Lies

Wow! I'm interested to see where you go with this! Not too often do we get to see the very young sides of our beloved characters. I especially loved all of the metaphors that you used--I'm a sucker for figurative language ;)

Can't wait to read more!

Reviewer: NobleLandMermaid Signed 1 [Report This]
Date: January 08, 2018 12:08 pm Title: Beautiful Lies

I think you have a great start here, really impressed considering English is not your first language! I think you have great metaphors and I love the exploration of Pam's parents not having the happiest life and how that may affect our little Pammy an her relationships.

Reviewer: DannyCordray Signed 1 [Report This]
Date: January 07, 2018 09:04 pm Title: Beautiful Lies

Little Pam!! :D I'd love to see where this goes!
You write well, but use, too many - choppy (sometimes unnecessary), commas. Maybe make some sentences shorter or split them into separate sentences. :)

Also I've never heard of Sara Barellies. Looked her up, thanks for the recommendation! Me right now: https://i.imgur.com/2X3fAs1.gif

You must login (register) to review or leave jellybeans