Date: March 19, 2019 06:10 pm Title: Burn It All Down
Everything's still very raw here. I like how you have Michael in this chapter. Every so often he would lose his whole man-boy bluster and actually be a good guy. That he did the same here for Erin was wonderful to envision. I'm sure Jo is in for a whole world of hurt once all those details get out. It'll be interesting to see what she has to say for herself in that regard.
Great scene with Jim and Pam. Just the right amount of tough and tender love on Pam's part. I love that she's the one to get through to him to tell him to not bottle it all up. She may not be feeling like Jim's rock right now, but she's acting like it. Well done.
Date: March 19, 2019 05:49 pm Title: Burn It All Down
So I know this isn’t the point of the chapter or the story but, like... damn, Holly’s kind of a badass.
And btw, this is probably one of my favorite fanfics, and I’m not typically a fan of AUs so... this is a really great AU (and fic in general). You really have all of the characters down. But yeah, Holly, kind of a badass.
Date: February 11, 2019 01:36 pm Title: Gut Punch
A very emotionally charged chapter to be sure. I'm sure this is only the start of a long process for everyone involved. The thing about there being a previous incident that Jo covered up is a very intriguing twist to this story. I'm very glad you've got Pam right there next to Jim and Erin to help them through. Thanks for the update.
Date: January 14, 2019 11:37 am Title: Blood and Hugs
Speaking as a paramedic, if I came on scene and saw neck injuries like the one's you've described, I'd either head down to the ambulance or send someone down for the neck brace and get it on before I even attempted to move. Once that was done I'd enlist Pam's help, as you wrote (which was good by the way) in allowing me to start an IV to give pain meds or see if with Pam's help give the pain meds as a shot in the arm. That is NOT something Pam could do by the way. The splinting, sure, but not giving pain meds either by IV or by injection. Then splint the leg before moving to the gurney. It seems like Jim is breathing at least enough to talk, and not really with a lot of difficulty so if I wanted to give him oxygen I'd use the small tube that goes in the nose rather than a mask that could very easily turn claustrophobic educing another panic attack. I'm not sure how much medical training you have so the way you wrote this does make sense. I'm not blaming you in any way for writing it like the way you did. I just want to let you know how I would approach treating Jim's condition if I was the responding paramedic.
All that being said, very dramatic. It's great to see Jim and Pam together again. That Jim is just starting to crack jokes shows he make be bent and battered, but he's not all the way broken. I'm sure he's got a lot of recovery ahead, but he'll get there. Very nicely written.
Date: January 08, 2019 07:59 am Title: Eleventh Hour
Thank you for not describing that assault in detail. Not a fun thing to think about. Gabe is really unhinged here. I do like how Erin shows up just in the nick of time here. It'll be good to see how things unfold next chapter.
Date: January 06, 2019 07:19 pm Title: Behind Closed Doors
As I was reading the previous chapters and up until now, I wondered if Erin would be the one to find Jim. At first, I thought she'd see the photos and recognize Gabe's bathroom, or the shower curtain, or something... but this was SO much better. She actually found Jim.
Hopefully help gets there in time. I don't think I can handle Jim getting any more hurt here!
Date: December 29, 2018 08:07 am Title: Behind Closed Doors
Good chapter here. The last few had become someone tedious. Well done on Erin on keeping her cool in this situation. She was clearly in a very dangerous position and she made it out. Looking forward to seeing what the next chapter brings.
Author's Response: Yeah I had originally planned on Erin showing up the next morning but it seemed really out of character to write people like Dwight and Holly not acting on their suspicions for that long and for Jim to revert back to being cooperative after he’s decided to fight back and is fueled by the will to make it back to Pam and CeCe.
Date: December 10, 2018 11:10 am Title: In Plain Sight
Great writing, very descriptive. Good emotional context as well. However I feel like you've got Jim going along a bit to calmly. Speaking as a guy, husband, and father, if I were in this position, kidnapped and left alone for hours on end, I'd be formulating plan after plan to break out. Jim is also a very creative guy and a quick thinker. Yes I know he's been a bit beat up and drugged.
However there were multiple times I could have seen were Jim could have tried something after Gabe got home till he drank his next smoothie after watching the news. Pull the shower curtain off while in the shower and use it to smother Gabe. Kick him in the face while he's going to tape his feel to the stool before dinner. Heck, turn around really quick and kick Gabe as hard as he can in the groin while Gabe is forcing him somewhere.
Like I said Jim had been left alone for hours and didn't think of anything? Seems a bit off to me.
Still the writing is good and the story is compelling and I'm looking forward to seeing how it all turns out.
Author's Response: Don’t worry. The desperation to escape is starting to outweigh his initial strategy of trying to placate and manipulate Gabe.
Date: December 07, 2018 03:58 pm Title: Jagged Little Pills
So yeah that was kind of dark. Also you may want to put in warnings at the beginning of the chapter rather than at the end. By the time I got down to the bottom to read said warnings, I'd already read what I'd been warned about.
Author's Response: Updated summary and notes for chapter two, hope this helps.
Date: December 06, 2018 06:10 pm Title: Jagged Little Pills
Whoa, this went dark. And yet, this is exactly how I could see Gabe behaving and talking to Jim.
That whole scene in the bathroom was intense, and when Jim still was thinking about his family before passing out.. ugh, that got me.
Sounds like it's going to be a long weekend for Jim...
Date: December 03, 2018 06:24 pm Title: Gone, Daddy, Gone
Oh man! I did NOT see that twist coming but let me tell you, I am here for this!
It feels weird to say "this is a fun new take on our favorite characters?" like kidnapping and attempted murder are "fun" topics but you know what? This is a fun new read and I'm very intrigued! I love the characters you've brought in and given something to do so far - they all fit really naturally.
"I obviously have some anger issues" made me chuckle.. great line right there. I can't wait to see what you do with this :)
Author's Response: Thanks! I've been playing with a believable progression of the plot and more serious versions of these characters that DON'T feel ridiculous in my head for a few days now. I have a pretty good idea of where I'm going with this, can't wait for more feedback :)