Date: December 10, 2018 11:10 am Title: In Plain Sight
Great writing, very descriptive. Good emotional context as well. However I feel like you've got Jim going along a bit to calmly. Speaking as a guy, husband, and father, if I were in this position, kidnapped and left alone for hours on end, I'd be formulating plan after plan to break out. Jim is also a very creative guy and a quick thinker. Yes I know he's been a bit beat up and drugged.
However there were multiple times I could have seen were Jim could have tried something after Gabe got home till he drank his next smoothie after watching the news. Pull the shower curtain off while in the shower and use it to smother Gabe. Kick him in the face while he's going to tape his feel to the stool before dinner. Heck, turn around really quick and kick Gabe as hard as he can in the groin while Gabe is forcing him somewhere.
Like I said Jim had been left alone for hours and didn't think of anything? Seems a bit off to me.
Still the writing is good and the story is compelling and I'm looking forward to seeing how it all turns out.
Author's Response: Don’t worry. The desperation to escape is starting to outweigh his initial strategy of trying to placate and manipulate Gabe.
Date: December 07, 2018 03:58 pm Title: Jagged Little Pills
So yeah that was kind of dark. Also you may want to put in warnings at the beginning of the chapter rather than at the end. By the time I got down to the bottom to read said warnings, I'd already read what I'd been warned about.
Author's Response: Updated summary and notes for chapter two, hope this helps.
Date: December 06, 2018 06:10 pm Title: Jagged Little Pills
Whoa, this went dark. And yet, this is exactly how I could see Gabe behaving and talking to Jim.
That whole scene in the bathroom was intense, and when Jim still was thinking about his family before passing out.. ugh, that got me.
Sounds like it's going to be a long weekend for Jim...
Date: December 03, 2018 06:24 pm Title: Gone, Daddy, Gone
Oh man! I did NOT see that twist coming but let me tell you, I am here for this!
It feels weird to say "this is a fun new take on our favorite characters?" like kidnapping and attempted murder are "fun" topics but you know what? This is a fun new read and I'm very intrigued! I love the characters you've brought in and given something to do so far - they all fit really naturally.
"I obviously have some anger issues" made me chuckle.. great line right there. I can't wait to see what you do with this :)
Author's Response: Thanks! I've been playing with a believable progression of the plot and more serious versions of these characters that DON'T feel ridiculous in my head for a few days now. I have a pretty good idea of where I'm going with this, can't wait for more feedback :)