Date: January 13, 2019 10:28 am Title: The touch on a patch of skin
Awwww :( are you sure this is the end? I really loved this story. Hate to see it end. Maybe an epilogue?
Author's Response: Thanks! I'm thinking about it. I'm definitely not ready to leave these two alone.
Date: January 11, 2019 05:23 pm Title: The touch on a patch of skin
Good chapter here. Lots of good internal thoughts and then that scene in the kitchen while she and Jim are figuring things out was very well written. Just the right touch of being nervous yet tinged with hope. That they're both on the same page about their feelings is sweet to see. Pam being cautious about jumping from one relationship to another so quickly seems very realistic.
Be careful with proofreading. There was one time where the word in the chapter was "zinc" when I'm sure you meant "sink." Since "zinc" is spelled correctly I'm sure your spellcheck didn't catch it. A trick I'll do is when I get done writing a chapter, I'll leave it alone for about a day and then go back and proofread. I've caught a lot of typo type errors like that before. Just a suggestion is all.
Author's Response: Thanks for pointing that out. Turns out, I'd copied the wrong file. I think it's better now.
Date: January 11, 2019 07:22 am Title: Silence
Jim checking his phone to make sure the sound was on and then trying to carefully craft the perfect casual friendly text to initiate contact again? I felt that DEEPLY. Been there.
I love that Pam came back! Yeah, a phone call could have worked but nah, she needed to come back. I also love her concern about party sized vs family sized chips because these are the kinds of details that would worry me as well.
This is all so great, I love the peek into Jim’s brain as he’s still trying to play this off as cool as he can. I don’t love the pizza delivery ruining a potentially important moment - pizza is supposed to fix things, not ruin them! ;)
I’m really enjoying this story and I can’t wait to see what happens next!
Date: January 11, 2019 07:09 am Title: The sounds of a bag of chips
This morning as I was driving to work I had to brake suddenly at a red light and my purse went flying upside down into that unknown spot between the passenger seat and the door and the sound it made, and the sound *I* made well, they weren’t pretty or subtle. But it *did* remind me that I needed to come review this :)
It’s SO good. I love getting to see inside Pam’s headc especially set during those early seasons when the confusion and conflict were so strong. And the casual banter when they’re sitting on his couch and Jim’s trying to play it cool and Pam’s trying to figure things out — ugh, as I said, it’s so good.
Welcome to the site :)
Date: January 10, 2019 04:30 pm Title: Silence
Nice update here. I like how Jim is pacing around at the start going stir crazy trying to decide what to do. Then when Pam does show up you've got him back to being what she needs. Support, and friendship. I'm sure he'd love to try and start trying to get together with Pam, but you've got him knowing that just after she's called it off with Roy it wouldn't be the right time to do that. Good characterization on that part. Even still, the fact he's got that over active imagination of his shows he's clearly thinking about that. How could he not? Well written to express all those feelings.
Date: January 10, 2019 03:29 pm Title: Silence
Aww. Poor Pam. Poor Jim. Not poor Roy.
"Finally, despite of the cold, he walked outside. It was too much to ask for his brain to stop the fantasies. And he was starting to feel like a pervert."
This felt very real. Good internal voice.
Date: January 10, 2019 02:45 pm Title: The sounds of a bag of chips
Wow Kuri! I am even MORE blown away by this fic, given that English is not your first language, as you use it so beautifully --- more so than I can ever hope for. I hope I didn't come across as harsh before --- I seriously love this!
Author's Response: Not at all! I really appreciate that you've pointed out those mistakes. That's the only way to learn :)
Date: January 09, 2019 06:42 pm Title: The sounds of a bag of chips
Really well done! The interaction is very natural and totally in character. Please go back and fix the typos and spelling (brake, not break), because they are distracting and this is too good a story to be distracted. Great job!
Author's Response: Thanks so much for pointing that out. Since English is not my first language, sometimes I make that sort of mistakes. I think I fixed them all.
Date: January 09, 2019 05:11 pm Title: The sounds of a bag of chips
I like the rhythm of sound in the first part of this, how it was a welcome distraction. That set a nice tone.
I think you did a good job with her near-obsession of him touching her and that nice balance of desire and guilt. Well done and congratulations on your first MTT posting!
Date: January 09, 2019 04:41 pm Title: The sounds of a bag of chips
I liked all of Pam's introspection here. How she's thinking about all the things that have led her to this moment and what they mean. You also did a good job with Jim here too I think. He's still supportive of her, but he's not pushing her to make a decision she's not ready for, nor is he pushing himself on her. Good for you for writing like that. Hopefully this will be more than just a one shot, because I'm very curious to see how her conversation with Roy goes.