Date: January 19, 2020 02:01 pm Title: Family History
There’s a lot going on in this story, between the baseball, the war and the personal dynamics. I have to say, I’m really loving the family drama plot too. It may even be my favorite part. William is such a great OC & Helene is certainly making for some interesting storylines. Looking forward to seeing where you go with this complication (as well as all the other facets of this story).
Author's Response: Thank you. I was kind of worried that the Beesly family drama was a bit much and distracting from other part of the story. Glad you're enjoying it. Thanks for sticking with this.
Date: January 06, 2020 04:00 pm Title: Paperhawk
I'm enjoying this; a bit behind, as I am on everything in the archive right now. Good work getting us situated; interesting work on bringing people from various parts of the series together. Looking forward to action.
Author's Response: Thank you. We're most assuredly getting closer to the action too. At least that's what I keep telling myself when I watch re-episodes of "Dogfights" on YouTube. Glad to still have you part of this.
Date: December 21, 2019 11:56 pm Title: A New Diamond
So much happened in this chapter! Where to even begin?! I had been wondering how Michael would fit into this storyline...definitely can’t see him in the military! This is perfect though! Loved how he had his moment to be sweet Michael...it’s always endearing to see that side of him. The “never, ever, ever give up” line is one of my favorites from the show and I enjoyed seeing it as their motto! Also adding in the other female cast members was a nice surprise!
The telegram got me for a minute but I thought- no, warrior wouldn’t do that to us...right? Haha! I was relieved it wasn’t anything awful. The proposal was sweet...made me smile and think of the gas station proposal. Spur of the moment -can’t wait any longer...you captured that feeling perfectly!
Looking forward to what happens next!
Author's Response: MCapps! Wonderful to hear from you again! I'm so glad you liked this chapter. I had a lot of fun bringing it together so I'm glad you liked it too. Yeah, there was no way I was going to let Michael anywhere near the military. Michael with heavy weaponry? Not so much. So that left the door open for the Sweet Michael moment.
The telegram shouldn't really have been anything to worry about really. Remember, we still haven't caught up to the prologue yet. But still I'm glad it did get a reaction like this though.
The proposal was most assuredly inspired by the gas station, but there's also some lines from "Casino Night" in there as well as the foreheads touching and simultaneous I love you from "Paper Airplanes."
I'll start working on this one after Christmas and after I finish up the Christmas story I'm working on at the moment as well. Glad you liked this chapter. Always fun to hear from you.
Date: December 11, 2019 08:04 am Title: A New Diamond
I just found this story but love it! Everything is so well written, seamlessly weaving characters and actual lines from The Office into your unique story. Thank you for writing, I can't wait to see what happens next.
Author's Response: Thank you! Always fun to have a new follower to a story. I'm very glad you're enjoying it so much. It's been a lot of fun to find good lines and moments from the show and weave them into this tale. Hope to hear more from you going forward.
Date: December 07, 2019 03:04 pm Title: A New Diamond
I realize it’s a typo, but seeing Michael Scott described as, “middle age mad,” in his first introduction gave me a good giggle. How very fitting.
This whole Michael interaction is glorious. The twins/triplets reference, Pam dropping that she has a boyfriend only for him to respond super enthusiastically to the fighter pilot mention. Just classic Michael Scott.
I used to play softball - I definitely don’t have the greatest knowledge of baseball - but, I feel like stealing a base is pretty standard in softball. Is that what you’re talking about it the letter, with the section on running the bases? Maybe it’s just how we play it here, but I can’t imagine that throwing off softball players... (Not that it’s really matters at all, it just made me pause, and try to dredge up memories from over a decade ago 😂)
Nice to see those familiar names in the team list! It’s always fun to see a Pam/Karen friendship and not at odds with each other over Jim.
Oh yes to Angela as chaperone. That sounds about right... And Phyllis as house mother - very fitting. Love the cute little nod to Vance refrigeration too. I wonder how many fridges Phyllis is going to need delivered? Or maybe, she’ll have to break the one they have and call them back for repairs - regularly...
Umm. Etiquette and makeup lessons? Sounds delightful. Is that part of the movie? It also sounds like a way to factor Kelly in (which I seem to think you’re leading to in just about every chapter)
“I think her cat did once” - I love that line so much. Fun to see it come into this too.
Bless Michael’s sweet heart. It’s always great to see his truly genuine and caring side. You had me scared there for a second with that official telegram business.
Boy oh boy, there’s a lot going on in this chapter... A proposal?! My heart. I mean, it was expected in the sense that it had to come as some stage thanks to the prologue. Seems fitting that Jim couldn’t hold off until he returned - very gas station, I couldn’t wait a second longer of him.
Author's Response: Yeah, that was a typo. Sometimes it's weird, I'll proofread and everything looks good, but when it gets posted typos seem to pop up. Glad you liked how I had Michael. It's sometimes hard to get him right. Most things from softball translate to baseball. The biggest differences (that I'm aware of) are the size of the ball, underhand vs. overhand pitching, and the distance between the bases, so hopefully you should be able to follow along as we go. The other thing is that a lot of times in softball you can't lead off bases, so you have to keep a foot on the bag. In baseball, between pitches you can take a few steps off the base to try and get better shot at stealing a base. Hope that clears that up. Base stealing, yes is standard, but doing so at a professional level, and being able to tell quickly if a pitcher is going to try and pick off the runner or throw home can be a hard skill to master. I figured the coaches would try to look at just about everything during tryouts. Thanks for the feedback on Karen. This will be a Pam and Karen as friends story. Those can get fun so I wanted to try my hand with that. The makeup and etiquette lessons are a thing the real All-American League players had to learn. So I figured I'd put that in here too.
Sorry to scare you with the telegram, but at the same time that's kind of what I was going for. It seemed like a good part to have a Good Micheal moment as well as put in Pam giving him a hug like at her art show in canon.
Speaking of canon, yes the lines from the proposal were stolen right from the gas station. Actually there were 4 canon moments there. Pam leaping into his arms to kiss him. Lines from Casino Night actually, the whole "its not the best timing," obviously the proposal, and them leaning their heads together and saying "I love you," from Paper Airplanes. Good times.
I always look forward to your reviews and this really in depth one was especially great. Thank you. I'm glad you enjoyed it so much.
Date: November 14, 2019 03:05 pm Title: Paperhawk
Nice to see an update! I’m kind of hoping that Ryan appearing with lipstick on his collar means that Kelly is looming somewhere in the chapters to come. Although, I’m also definitely keen to see which of the Dunder Mifflin ladies show up in the baseball plot...
This chapter did feel a bit like a filler as you mentioned, but that only serves to make me all the more impatient for the next update...
Author's Response: Thanks. I needed to get things set up so that when Jim deploys the radio call signs and everything make sense. Yes Kelly will show up, but later. More baseball stuff to come next chapter.
Date: October 15, 2019 08:07 am Title: New Directions
I didn't expect this turn, but I'm so very much here for it. Also I can see how this is going to be the longest story ever, with two fully parallel stories going on. I very much enjoyed this chapter, especially the similarities to the show (please, though, don't have Pam discover she's pregnant after a baseball ankle injury...). I'm having a lot of fun checking in on each new character as I recognize the names.
Author's Response: That was the intent behind the two story lines. Hope you had fun looking into the names. I had to dig deep into wikipedia to fill out the roster for Jim's squadron. Glad you're still enjoying everything too.
Date: October 15, 2019 07:54 am Title: Starlight
I got a little behind on this one, but I really enjoyed this chapter. I loved the callbacks to the show, I'm enjoying the developing love story and also the Dwight-Jim friendship, but my favorite single line was this: "You know, some manure, just less than a whole field’s worth." Just well-timed within the story.
Author's Response: Glad to have you back. It's been a lot of fun putting in different lines and situations from the show. Glad you liked it.
Date: October 15, 2019 02:54 am Title: New Directions
Okay, Jim having his ceremony with William made me feel all the feelings. That was some unexpected sweetness/bonding.
Nice to see David Wallace introduced/included. Oh, and a few other bonus inclusions in that squadron list.
Huh. I was not expecting the baseball storyline, and was definitely not expecting that it was the catalyst of the story! That was a twist for sure!
I confess, I’ve never seen A League of Their Own - is it worth watching for context purposes?
I know you’re intending for this to be the longest story out there & I feel as if you’ve definitely opened up its potential with a whole new storyline in there for Pam too. You’ve really managed to surprise me with this... I now have my fingers crossed that we’ll get to see some of the other ladies from the Office in this context. I feel like Meredith would make a mean ball player...
Author's Response: Thanks Jenna. I'm having fun putting in little scenes like the Jim/William salute so I'm glad others are enjoying those too. As I told Comfect, I had to dig deep into wikipediea to get all the names for the squadron roster. Some were a given, but to get the full list took some looking.
It shouldn't be 100% crucial to watch "A League of Their Own," and still follow this story. For context purposes so you'll have an idea of what the baseball uniforms and such look like it might be worth it. We'll most assuredly see some of the Office ladies as this new story line starts to build up.
Date: September 19, 2019 11:33 pm Title: Starlight
Life has just managed to get absolutely insane (work in general and I’m 5 days away from having baby #2) but I’ve managed to spend my evening relaxing and catching up on this story. Love how you’re taking the time to really set the stage with their relationship. It doesn’t feel rushed at all...it’s nice to see the small things come together for them and the relationship develop into something beautiful. The teasing and joking mixed with some romance and tenderness is a perfect blend.
Love how you added in the list of things from the Booze Cruise. Always fun to see pieces of the show fit right into a story...especially one as AU as this one. The banter between Jim and Dwight was spot on...I’m interested to see if Jim and Pam actually do go to the beet farm at some point in the story.
Glad Mark and Jim are sticking around a bit longer. I think developing their relationships with the Beesley sisters will make it just that much more interesting as the story unfolds and we get back to the time frame from your first chapter.
Looking forward to what comes next in this!!
Author's Response: First and foremost, early congrats on the new kiddo. I hope all goes well with that. Secondly, great to hear from you again.
I'm glad the story is working well for you. One of the things I've been concerned about is that I'm dragging things out. So I'm glad to get some feedback saying the slower approach is working. It's a lot of fun to mine the show and find fun things to add in. The lines from the Booze Cruise and the beet farm for example. Also Pam's "you're on dangerous ground."
Thank you very much for the feedback. I hope the rest of the story lives up to any expectations you might have.
Date: September 10, 2019 11:32 pm Title: Starlight
The reference to the Booze Cruise & Michael’s strange list of decoy “must brings” was great! I love how always manage to insert many a moment from canon (& in pretty unique ways no less). Which leads me to asking, does Gould have a wife named Jan who will make an appearance at some stage?
I wouldn’t necessarily call this a filler chapter, what with Pam and Jim’s weekend away feeling fairly significant to their journey. Nice to have confirmation that Jim & Mark will remain at the base. I have to admit, I was half hoping that Dwight would turn around & say that he was “pranking” then by telling them he was leaving. I loved all the references to Schrute Farms. I think that manure line is one of my favorite laugh out loud kind of moments in canon, so I was very onboard with you repurposing it here!
Looking forward to reading about the rest of Pam & Jim’s weekend away!
Author's Response: I always look forward to your reviews Jenna. Mainly because it seems like you're the only one leaving me reviews these days. Thank you. I'll admit it's a lot of fun to weave in all the canon elements. If you go back and watch, "Money," you'll also find the online review Jim and Pam left woven in here as well. Does Major Gould have a Jan? Interesting question to be sure. Forgive me, but we'll just have to wait and see.
Since you've been so great about reviewing, I will let you in on a little secret. The next chapter sadly will not be a continuation of this weekend getaway. However at some point I'm sure it'll come back up. I need to advance the plot more with the next chapters, but also needed to stop in here at this point in their story as well.
Again thank you so very much for your constant reviews. It's very much appreciated.
Date: August 23, 2019 03:17 pm Title: Thanksgiving
This is exactly the sort of interaction I’d imagine Roy’s mother having with Pam’s mother post their break up. I think you nailed it. Helene, still polite and Marge abrupt and short seems completely in character with the very little we know (assume?) from canon.
I really liked the contrast between Roy and Jim and their letter sending habits. A very simple, but effective way of highlighting the differences of character between the two. Obviously Helene values family so it’s interesting to see this as a bit of a catalyst for her to let go of some of her Jim hang-ups. The contrast between Jim and Roy in the early mornings on the farm also felt very true to character. I can imagine Roy grumping his way around the place as William silently rolled his eyes.
I loved the declarations of serious intentions in this chapter. Jim handing over his wings was so lovely.
Looking forward to seeing what plot points you delve into in the next installment...
Author's Response: Thanks Jenna. I'm glad all the effort worked for you. Earlier drafts had a lot more conforntational tones with the Helene/Marge interactions. Other than that I'm glad you picked up on just about everything I was trying to include here. Thank you as always for the great feedback.
Date: July 18, 2019 11:03 pm Title: Dying Coals
I gotta say, I totally did not expect to get sucked in by this one, yet I find I'm more than a little obsessed. Wartime stories just aren't really what I think of as my kind of story but my oh my this is just... crazy good. The fact that it hooked me and just refused to let go from chapter 1 is a real credit to you as an author. It's not the fact that it's an AU that I didn't expect to like, I find I actually love AUs. Honestly these days I really favor them because I think we've had all the bigger moments in Jim and Pam's relationship that are canon, told and retold over and over in so many styles and ways and interpretations that even when someone finds a way to spin it slightly differently, it's still just telling the same things again and again. What I love is what you are showing such and amazing talent for. I love that you're taking moments from canon, things that we really love and reinterpreting it into a way that fits smoothly into the story you're telling here. I find there are times that authors try and do that and they try to force it in ways and places that it just doesn't fit and I find myself shaking my head and saying what a waste. What. A. Waste!!! ;) Not with you. I find that the moments you choose to use and the places you fill them in are pretty brilliant. You truly are a compelling story teller.
Something I really find intriguing is the dynamic between Pam and each of her parents and honestly, just the personalities of Mr and Mrs Beesly. Most writers seem to write Pam and her mom as super close and if there's any issues or strain it tends to be between Pam and her dad. Mr. Beesly I find is often written as cold or distant or at least just not really close to Pam. It's also very often written as Mr. Beesly and Roy being especially close and Mrs. Beesly's relationship and feelings about Roy tends to run the spectrum from her already considering him a son to her often feeling that he's just not right for Pam or even negligent or thoughtless. So I find it really interesting to read a point of view where Mrs Beesly is the one that is especially vested in the relationship between Pam and Roy to the point where she just doesn't seem to care how negligent he was to her daughter. In contrast we have Mr Beesly who is so wonderfully warm and clearly especially close to both of his daughters. What I also appreciate and find very interesting is the fact that you make Mr Beesly warm and very supportive of his daughters but while he may clearly disagree and be unsupportive of his wife's views and ways, he's also very clearly a loving husband and really the only one that Mrs Beesly seems to be willing to listen to even if only marginally.
I'm pretty concerned here at the end of this last chapter for what Pam's mom is starting to formulate in her own head. It's frustrating that Helene seems unable or unwilling to see both how unhappy and frustrated Pam had become with Roy and that relationship and how happy she is and how much the relationship with Jim is thriving based on I believe love even if they aren't calling it that yet, and mutual respect. How frustrating and sad that Pam's mom is so hung up on what the ladies at church and others may think that rather than supporting her daughter and her new relationship and explaining how much happier Pam is now, she's stuck, determined to try and guide Pam back to a relationship that if she's successful, will make Pam unhappy and unfulfilled. How sad for a mom to care more about the views of others than the feelings of your child.
I cannot wait to see what more you have in store for us. You are a delightfully talented author with an intriguing and extremely interesting story to tell and I cannot wait to read lots more of it!
Author's Response: Wow! Thank you! I think that this may be the longest review I've ever received in over ten years of writing fanfiction. It's been a lot of fun to weave in those elements from the show and I'm so glad that they've come across so well. There are just so many great lines and moments that it's all but impossible for me to not include them in some way.
Thanks for the critique on the dynamic with Pam and her parents. I agree that a lot of things have been done over and over again. Because of that I'm doing my best to try and put a new spin on things. Having this dynamic with Helene and Pam was just one way to explore that. You're not the only one to worry about what Helene is up to considering how I worded things at the end of the chapter.
I very much appreciate the support. Hope to hear more from you going forward.
Date: July 16, 2019 04:33 pm Title: Dying Coals
I'm glad you posted this, though the end there is ominous for how part 2 is going to go...I really enjoy how you reuse canon elements (here most notably the switch from Jim to Helene as Pam's target for "I just don't get Roy" and "I'm cold", which changes the meaning a bit). The characterization remains strong. Good work.
Author's Response: Thanks Comfect. It's a lot of fun to find new ways to use everything. Thanks for the comments on Pam and Helene's chilly relationship. It's one of the fun things about writing, discovering how the story goes as one writes it. I'm glad the characters are making sense even if things aren't all bright and sunny right now.
Date: July 16, 2019 04:11 pm Title: Dying Coals
I have to say, this is probably the first time I haven’t liked Pam’s mum in the fic world. Normally she’s written as very pro-Jim. This is a fun change. I have a feeling she’s about to cause all sorts of problems...
As always, I thoroughly enjoyed the repurposing of snippets from the show. The prank on Dwight was fantastic. Reusing the Booze Cruise with Helene? So, so good.
I’m really looking forward to the second part of Thanksgiving & saying what mayhem Helene manages to achieve...
Author's Response: Thank you as always for your kind words Jenna. That's the fun thing with AU I'm finding is that it allows for a lot more flexibility with the characters. Still it's important to keep an eye on the source material, thus the things from the show. I hope I can live up to your expectations.
Date: June 19, 2019 10:30 pm Title: First Flight
As I mentioned when you started sharing this epic, I’m not always a fan of AUs, & I was struggling a little at the beginning of this chapter, but to end it like that! It’s basically Pam’s first day at Dunder Mifflin, complete with the cast of characters! I loved the repurposing of the S4 interaction with Ryan so, so much!
I’m also enjoying the Jim/Dwight dynamic that you’ve created so well. It’s a delight.
I’m so excited that Pam and Jim are going to be in the same space for the time being. I liked the letters, but there’s no beating actual interaction! Plus, it opens us up for Pam to know (& come to enjoy I’m sure) Dwight...
Author's Response: Thanks Jenna. I'm doing my best to add in familiar elements to this for basically just that purpose. It's easy to get lost in an AU I think so putting in things like pranks or lines from the show help keep things grounded to my mind. At first I wasn't going to have Pam there at Jim's airfield, but I changed my mind. I'm glad that element came across well. Thanks for sticking with this as you have.
Date: June 19, 2019 11:57 am Title: First Flight
I like the twist at the end, and the reuse of DM Infinity dialogue. Generally, as usual with your chapters, a nice quantity of detail combined with good storytelling. At times it feels a little long, but I think that's because I'm a WWII buff so some of the stuff seemed kind of basic--I think overall it's helpful to ground that heavily in the period, so keep it up.
Author's Response: It was a fun to put in the DM Infinity scene. Trying to make sure this stays an Office fic rather than straying to far into original story just using unoriginal characters. I get what you're saying about how it can get a little long. Part of that is because I'm trying to set things up so that I don't have to repeat myself a lot when we get into future chapters with Jim in the air. Thanks for the heads up though.
Date: June 01, 2019 08:10 pm Title: The First Letter
I’m a sucker for a good father-daughter dynamic and this was adorable. I like this as the catalyst for Pam leaving the farm (& I also like the potential for all the more Pam & Jim quality time). I think your Helene is a good fit for the time, I can see how she would struggle with the loss of Roy & all he potentially represents.
Author's Response: Thanks. A lot of times I kind of surprise myself when it comes to writing. While I might have an outline for this story the specifics will just come out kind of organically as I write. That's kind of how it was with Helene's characterization. So I'm glad that it turned out well. Thanks as always for the great comments.
Date: May 31, 2019 11:32 am Title: The First Letter
I like this Pam-William dynamic. And frankly this feels very second-Pam's-mom to me, the one who dates Michael even though it's obviously a problem for her daughter. She's a bit self-focused and it comes through here.
Author's Response: I was going for more traditional and stubborn with Helene, but yes self-focused works too. Glad you liked how I had Pam with William. Thanks as always for your input.
Date: May 25, 2019 09:08 am Title: Coney Island
Very adorable. I'm glad that the Roy thing is clearly expressed and dealt with. Looking forward for the actual war too!
Author's Response: Thank you. Fun thing about AU's is that there's a bit more of a clean slate to deal with things like that. Be careful what you wish for when it comes to the war, there's a reason I rated this story the way I did. We still need to get Jim through pilot training though so that's a little bit off. Thanks for the support as always.
Date: May 24, 2019 09:38 pm Title: Coney Island
It really was a good day! Ah, to be young & completely smitten... I find it difficult to comment when there’s nothing more to say than, more please - which is the situation I find myself in after this chapter. I wanted to ask, the information you’re adding about squadrons, planes, etc., did you research specifically for this fic? Or is a preexisting area of interest/knowledge? You certainly come across like you know what you’re talking about (particularly to someone like myself who knows nothing of the sort). I feel like I’m learning as I go with this story... It’s very sweet that the anecdote with your wife has made it into fic - I think it’s easiest to write what we know & a little part of ourselves makes it into every story (& that’s how we end up with a great variety of many takes on the same characters/events).
Author's Response: Thank you. It was a lot of fun to write this chapter. I've always been a military history buff so there's a lot I knew already. However I have done A TON of extra research for this fic which has added a lot to what I've already known, so a bit of both there. I'm glad you're still enjoying this so much.
Date: May 12, 2019 08:36 pm Title: Night on the Town
The inclusion of Dwight in this story was everything I didn’t know I needed, but now can’t imagine it without. It was brilliant. I also thought the “I love Italian food,” line was a great touch.
Author's Response: Thank you. Even though this is AU, it's still an Office fanfic so there will be elements from the show that will work their way in. Glad you like it.
Date: May 12, 2019 04:00 pm Title: Night on the Town
I enjoy "Griff" as Mark, and of course I love Dwight as you've done him. Though I'm still sad he's not German! ;) This is building up really nicely, though of course I know we're going to get to that initial flash-forward at some point so all will not always be peaches and cream.
Author's Response: It would be easy to have German Dwight, but Jim and Pam pranking him is such a big part of their relationship, I saw no reason to change that. No, not everything will be peaches and cream as you say, there is a war on after all, but I did want to build their relationship before he deploys. Thanks as always for your comments.
Date: May 12, 2019 03:53 pm Title: Night on the Town
I’m loving this. Being introduced to Dwight this chapter was brilliant, and I really liked how they guys still all play pranks on him.
Pam blossoming is also an excellent element, one that I always enjoy. I loved how you described her happiness in this chapter.
Looking forward to what comes next, and as always, really well done :)
Author's Response: Thank you. Even though this is AU I felt there still needed to be some elements that people would recognize. Pranks is one of them. Also thanks for the insight about Pam. I was nervous I'd made her reacting to strongly to Jim so soon after we find out she's broken off her engagement. However Jim has always brought out the best in Pam so I'm glad that came across well.