1 [Report This]Date: December 13, 2020 09:48 pm Title: Chapter 30: A Date
I neglected to review this one as I initially read it as well. Whoops.
You’ve done really well here establishing these characters – the description of Pam having “grown up” into not getting too excited about good things or reacting too much when things go badly is just brutal. And “He’d always gone through life with an insouciant attitude; he found that for the people whom he could charm, it worked, and for the people he couldn’t, it didn’t matter, and it amused him, so he clung to it whenever possible” is Jim to a T… in all his awesomeness and deep-seated, clearly-going-to-get-him-into-trouble lack of perfection.
The trip through their immediate bonding was a good ride – the way they connect, start plotting together, navigate that nervous tension, it just works.
Your version of Roy here is very realistically awful – the way he’s still forgetting about her years after the hockey game, hanging up the phone (file that under things that should justify homicide), him being jealous but flirting with and actively comparing her unfavorably to other women, it paints a vivid picture of the world’s crappiest boyfriend. The description of Roy as her fiancĂ©e but not her friend really hits home, and tells you so much about that relationship. It’s a guy who could easily be our canon Roy, and it’s hard to think of her having to live with that for three more years.
I do love the way you develop their breakup, and how it’s very much about Roy’s failings – Jim is Pam’s future and the catalyst for what happens, but he more reveals the problem than causes it.
And the way you walk them down the line towards getting together was lovely as always. The apartment-seeking sequence was a lot of fun, and I love the touch of still having their first date at Cugino’s after all that.
Author's Response: I am so glad you liked this. Roy is just...I love making him the worst, and making the breakup natural that way, but sometimes I feel a little bad about it. So it's nice to have the reminder that other people appreciate that version of him too (as a story not as a person). Thank you!
1 [Report This]Date: January 06, 2020 08:14 am Title: Chapter 30: A Date
I've really enjoyed this! Glad to see it finally working out for them. I particularly liked the car park showdown parts - partly because I take an indecent amount of pleasure in seeing Roy get his comeuppance, but you've also made a really good job of dealing with all the various characters' responses here, and made it really colourful.
I also really liked the apartment hunting, and meeting Jim's teacher. She was lovely!
Super work, and thank you.
Author's Response: Thanks for this feedback! Sorry I took so long to get to it. Thanks especially for the specific point on the teacher; I was concerned that might not have worked so it's great to hear.
Date: January 01, 2020 04:00 am Title: Chapter 30: A Date
Nice to see this all wrapped up (& sad to see it end all the same). I love the call back to the initial phone call/chapters & the mention of the University of Scranton account. I’ll admit, I wouldn’t have minded if you wanted to flesh out the date & everything that proceeded waking up the next morning in more detail, but it didn’t feel too rushed that it disrupted the flow - I just would have loved to see it. Thanks for taking us on this journey into what could have been!
Author's Response: So I forgot to respond to these last reviews on this one, sorry. Thanks so much for your feedback; I probably could have fleshed the date out but I'm always nervous about portraying that particular moment in their lives so...I tend to gloss over it. It's a habit/failing of mine. Thanks for all the reviews along the way!
Date: December 31, 2019 05:50 am Title: Chapter 30: A Date
Wonderful way to wrap this up. Thank you so much for taking the whole Nerd!Pam thing and running with it like this. The way you wrote it added depth but also a lot of fun to their interactions. We all love classic JAM banter, but to have through the filter of Marvel vs. DC was really a treat. The last one here though with Captain Marvel vs Captain Marvel was a master stoke. I do like that even though it's a friendly debate, neither one really backs down. They know what they like, they'll stick to it. Of course they're, well in this case more Jim than Pam, also willing to explore the other studio a bit. To broaden horizons. Which of course is another great way to bring them closer together.
The other detail I liked it that glimpse into Pam's artist mind at the start. How she remembers the date by colors and how those colors make her feel. Lovely way to show how she thinks, not just what she thinks.
Yes it was kind of a slow burn to get to this point, but it was wonderful to see the development. Pam coming out of her shell some more, Jim finding his groove in this new world of Dunder-Mifflin. It was all just a ton of fun throughout.
Superb as always my friend. This one was a joy to read as it progressed.
Fortes Fortuna Adiuvat
Author's Response: I realized I never responded to this! Sorry for that. I always appreciate your detailed feedback, especially (for this one) on the Marvel!Pam elements. I'm glad those worked for you because they were a total blast to write. Thanks as ever for your incredibly valuable help in conceiving this through the prompting of your reviews. Si Quæris Peninsulam Amœnam Circumspice.