Date: March 16, 2020 03:25 am Title: So?
The twists and turns just keep coming with this story! Roy making a reappearance was a little ominous... I hope he doesn’t fight for custody.
It’s nice to be introduced to Penny. I’m glad she seems to be accepting of Jim’s role in Pam’s life.
The Karen storyline was interesting - it was good that she backed off after realizing that Jim was with Pam. And of course, the most important addition in these chapters was little Avery making her way into the world. It’s telling of Pam and Jim’s relationship that she wants him to play a role in all the big decisions.
Date: March 15, 2020 02:17 pm Title: So?
D'awww. Very sweet. Thinking back to when my daughter was born, yes I do remember the times I could let my wife sleep in were greatly appreciated. We were both nervous wrecks those first few weeks, but we made it through. Lovely chapter.
Date: March 15, 2020 02:08 pm Title: It's what we both want.
No it doesn't seem like Roy is just going to go away with his tail between his legs. The only thing Pam has going for her is that he did kick her, but she didn't file a police report at the time so it's her word against his. Things there could get messy.
Good boy Jim for just staying on the sidelines and letting her fight her own battles. Seems like that gave her a big boost in confidence. Hopefully she keeps that up as we progress.
Date: March 15, 2020 02:00 pm Title: You're safe here.
Okay so here's the thing. Throughout the first few seasons of the show the biggest thing that kept Jim and Pam apart for so long was how they were not honest with each other. It seems like you've taken that premise, flipped it on its head and now since they ARE being honest with each other, most everything is falling into place. I like it.
Roy is going to add a wrinkle here though. Jim's right, without intervention from the courts, since Roy is the biological father, he does get parental rights. So the call to the lawyer seems justified.
Date: March 15, 2020 01:47 pm Title: Did I just notice it?
I was a little confused at the start of the chapter when Karen and Ryan were talking. Just a matter of who was where and why. Speaking of why, I'm not sure you've established why Karen is acting the way she it towards Jim. Might be more in the other chapters you've posted so we'll see.
Other than that, it's nice to see Jim and Pam being together like this.
Date: March 02, 2020 11:39 pm Title: Santa came!
Ok so yeah this Roy is the worst kind of asshole for all that. If the chance comes up again, throw the book at him Pam. At the very least skin him alive for child support payments.
Very cute Christmas together. I love how Jim is bringing her further and further out of her shell. Lovely to watch. Larissa's a good egg in this story as well. Always nice to have someone else confirm the relationship is going well.
Date: March 02, 2020 11:17 pm Title: I thought we agreed
Again there's still some mystery surrounding Pam's past, but that does help to clarify some of it. Nice to see they're progressing forward with their relationship as well. Not only with the physical stuff, but with talking and trusting each other with more heavy conversations as well.
Date: March 02, 2020 11:09 pm Title: She hated hospitals
Ok, big twist with how this chapter went. I do like how Pam is just right there for Jim through everything in this chapter. It's very nice to see. At first I was going to comment on what I thought was some odd emotions for the time around a funeral. But then emotions can run all over the place during a time like that so yea, that works.
It's also nice to see that the events of this chapter did bring them closer together. That they could rely on each other and start to trust each other more. Jim saying they need to be honest with each other is another good thing. In canon Jim and Pam's biggest issue has always been communication so seeing that dealt with early is good to see.
Date: March 02, 2020 10:56 pm Title: You have to start somewhere
Little technical point here. In the first chapter you said Jim went to school for advertising. Here you said he went to school for business. Which one is it unless he double-majored in college which is certainly possible.
Pam's running kind of hot and cold so far. She's hesitant to share much about anything, which considering her situation I guess I understand, but then she'll also grab Jim in for a kiss like that. It just seems a bit off is all. There's still a lot of mystery surrounding her right now. So I guess we'll see where it all goes from here.
Date: March 02, 2020 10:44 pm Title: Conspirators
Interesting concept to be sure. They're both still in the same office but not across from each other. I notice in this first chapter you don't mention if Pam is with Roy or not. Only way to find out is by reading more. Onwards.
Date: March 02, 2020 04:41 pm Title: Santa came!
Great story! It really engaged me, enough to postpone some homework I’m supposed to be doing 😅. I can’t wait to read what comes next.
Changing topics, can I ask where you are from? I’m just curious because of all the “Ya”s in the story. I’m a linguist and a non native English speaker so these kinds of things catch my interest
Ya, Chicagoan here.
I've got chapters 7 & 8 done, just struggling with 6.
Hope ya like it.
Date: March 02, 2020 02:54 am Title: Santa came!
I don’t know that I’d call this fluff without angst! The themes are fairly angsty - particularly Pam’s backstory with Roy.
I like what you’ve done with Jim’s job here. It’s a different take, I think it’s a nice way for him to have a promotion and still remain at Dunder Mifflin.
There’s a lot of a dialogue in some sections throughout this. I think it would flow a little more smoothly with some additional description/insight into their thoughts. That said, I thought the premise was pretty original/interesting.
True, true. That was the original concept before the story developed. Ya, should probably change that.
In all the stories here, I look for the dialogue to move the story. Guess that's just how it ended up. Will definitely take into consideration.
Date: March 02, 2020 02:40 am Title: Santa came!
Again, quite sweet, carry on, enjoying it a lot, but just a little rushed in places. Glad you gave us some back story. Looking forward to how they go on.
Author's Response: Thanks, planning on a long story, so I was trying to move it along a bit quicker than I probably should have.
Date: March 02, 2020 02:34 am Title: I thought we agreed
I like the story, but sometimes it feels like you're rushing some of the beats, or the inner monologues are placed a little weirdly. Interested to know why this Jim is so hesitant, and what's going on with this Pam and her past.