Date: January 17, 2021 04:49 pm Title: Jim- One More Last Chance
Oh tortured Jim. Reeling from everything there and yet he still wants to hold onto hope. Great way to get into his thoughts. When I read the chapter title I thought he would head back upstairs and see the shredded letter and more angst would ensue. Though it remains to be seen if someone else sees that. And we still have to deal with the jerk that is Toby in this fic. Should be interesting to see where we go from here.
Author's Response: a86;a039;
Date: January 16, 2021 12:15 pm Title: Jim- One More Last Chance
The bit in the parking lot, Jim sort of inventing this one last test and then pushing it back when she fails, desperate for some kind of sign... very real.
Author's Response: I could feel it in my bones; that crazy reasoning.
Date: January 10, 2021 11:25 am Title: Toby- A Fragile Hope
Whoa, VERY exciting twist here. And relatively believable of Toby, who just has a way of taking all the sympathy you should feel for him and crushing it to bits. Wildly creepy, there - and apparently his disgust at cheating doesn't go quite so far as changing his mind about Pam.
I'm wondering if this might come back to bite him, though, or at least not work - the camera crew obviously knows about the letter, and they're already discussing how they're struggling with watching the Jim and Pam situation go on without interfering. Feels like foreshadowing. Or maybe I'm just eager to see Toby get his comeuppance now.
Author's Response: Thank you for your feedback! We've not heard the last from the documentary crew or Toby, for sure!
Date: January 09, 2021 05:34 pm Title: Toby- A Fragile Hope
Holy crap! Did not see that coming. Wow Toby being a real dick here. Now we're all sorts of set up for any number of things to happen. I'd write more, but I'm still kind of in shock about everything.
Date: January 05, 2021 11:10 pm Title: Pam- Realization and Declaration
Welcome to MTT! This is a really lovely start! I love this emotional journey - that Pam feels she is grieving for the impact this could have on her relationship with Roy only to come to the realization that it’s actually about Jim.
This line in particular I thought was great: “ And, there it is- dawning understanding of what she's previously only allowed herself to know in fragmented portions- she loves him”
There’s something about her simultaneously writing a letter to Jim & a to do list that I kind of adore. And to photocopy the letter so that she can agonize over it later is so very perfect. Boy, how I wish I’d done that with some things I’ve sent in my life!
Author's Response: Oh my goodness! Thank you! I feel so encouraged by your review. I’m glad to be here!
Date: January 04, 2021 05:12 am Title: Pam- Realization and Declaration
That's a powerful start. Pam breaking down in Jim's chair after The Kiss feels very much in keeping with how things migh thave gone afterwards. I'm sure she would have been feeling a ton of swirling emotions and you captured that really well.
What I'm really interested in, is what she wrote. It'll also be good to see Jim's POV here. I'm sure he's crushed. Based on the story summary I'm thinking there's going to be something that prevents him from reading that letter right away.
Welcome to writing. Keep it up because you're doing great!
Author's Response: Thank you so much! As one of my favorite authors, your review means a lot! I’m hopeful you’ll enjoy the twist that’s coming.
Date: January 03, 2021 03:47 pm Title: Pam- Realization and Declaration
One choice I really like here is having Pam turning to writing. These two always feel like they'd do much better with communicating each other when they don't have to think on their feet. And for careful, passive Pam, I think having her first reaction be both expressing herself and wanting to break down exactly what her tasks are for what happens next is both right and really would be something of a comfort to her and help her feel in control - she's working things out for herself as she goes.
I also like that her first reaction is to try to rationalize this away, and that she keeps trying to define it as being mainly an issue for their friendship. Feels very Pam-like.
Given your summary, Pam noting her unawareness of the camera crew, and Brian's appearance on the character list, I'm intrigued about what you've got cooked up for us in the next chapter.
Congrats on posting your first story! As someone who took a long time to go from MTT reader to MTT author I know how intimidating a step that can be. Looking forward to seeing more from you.
Author's Response: Thank you for the positive encouragement! I hope you'll enjoy what comes next! (c;