1 [Report This]Date: April 25, 2021 05:40 am Title: Half
Lately I’ve had less time to really go in depth with my reviews (I do like to share the things I notice and love because that is what I love to see in reviews I get).
But this chapter I could just drop an “I liked it”.
This chapter really was so well done and hit all the notes it needed too.
First of all I’m a fan of the structure of this whole story. The way you tie together a current moment with a complementary flashback That framing deepens both the present and past narratives.
I usually will scoff at stories where Jim sees Pam and is in fully in love immediately just from seeing her face but you’ve given enough added reasons for him to be smitten that I buy it. Her line about him being the top hammermill salesperson seals that for me.
The scene with Phyllis is also a lot of fun. She’s hard to get at her character but I think you captured her essence.
And that last line was beautiful.
Thanks for sharing this wonderful story.
Author's Response: Thank you for taking the time to write this review, I really appreciate it! Glad you're enjoying the story!
1 [Report This]Date: April 24, 2021 04:16 am Title: Half
“and kisses her half a decade deep.” Fantastic line.
I’m really, really loving this and your writing. 42 donuts— I see you with that little XF reference. ;)
Author's Response: Thanks! Did you catch the 10:13 too? ;)
1 [Report This]Date: April 23, 2021 08:13 pm Title: Half
A bit more sweet than angst here. Expanding on their pizza date on the roof was a lot of fun. From what we see in canon it totally makes sense that a trip down memory lane to Jim's first day would come up. Same with the grilled cheese date.
Everything was going so great for Jim until Pam mentioned Roy. And then he comes in and just steamrolls over everything. Very much a vibe coming off Jim of "why are you still with that guy?" Seems Pam kinda gets that vibe and even acknowledges the truth of it a bit too. Great writing to bring that out.
However it's when we get back to the roof that the sweetness picks up again. They're back to the loving couple they are and any time Jim and Pam dance is a great scene.
Really well done with this as ususal.
1 [Report This]Date: April 23, 2021 06:48 pm Title: Half
You did well capturing the smitten-ness of them here, both in the early days of their friendship and the early days of their relationship. And the ending to this is just adorable.
This also is a strong Phyllis. You've got that weird combination of matron and sex kitten down. She is definitely someone who would call herself a cougar within five minutes of meeting Jim while also simultaneously encouraging his crush on an engaged woman.
"She seems to take his comment as sarcasm, which he finds interesting. She rolls her eyes and sighs. “Yeah, well… that’s Roy,” she says. “Sometimes it feels like he never really left high school, you know?” She then smiles, as if she finds this objectively unattractive trait somewhat endearing." - There's a LOT going on in this paragraph. It feels very telling about their relationship, both that she assumes that Jim doesn't like him and that she hasn't quite realized that *she* doesn't like him.
Also nice that you acknowledge that Jim must have felt a little emasculated through kind of a lot of this period.
Author's Response: Thanks so much... writing the secondary characters is difficult, so I'm glad Phyllis came across.
1 [Report This]Date: April 23, 2021 06:42 pm Title: Half
You leave me speechless with every update. Your seamless integration of fluff and angst is just phenomenal, as is the way you transitioned from your dialogue to the canon dialogue. It made my heart melt. And then you broke my heart with Jim’s first day. That was some real angst in the kitchen there. I legitimately wanted to cry.
Oh and then the last line: “kisses her half a decade deep.”
Fucking murder me. And then revive me so I can read more of your chapters.
Author's Response: Hahaha your comment killed me (in the best way), thank you!