To think all this has happened all within the space of a few days for them. To go from the sheer panic of the last time they were in the office. Separated from each other, scared for a host of reasons, still closed off. And now there is life, laughter, joy, and love flowing in abundance.

I liked that they had time to relax first. At the apartment to get scrubbed up, then at dinner. The slow walk through at the office felt cathartic. A quiet time to process what happened and be grateful at how things have changed. Re-doing Casio Night was a nice touch as well.

Then they are finally and fully together. It's new territory for both of them so it makes sense there's some fear. But they overcome the fear by being open with each other. It's great to see. Of course it was all very sensual to read as well.

Really glad they've made it to this point. The scars of the past will still take time to heal and fade, but there's a much brighter future ready a d waiting for them.

Author's Response: I very much wanted to bring them back to exactly what we saw when season 3-4 happened.  They weren’t together and then BAM, it was like they had always been together.  My AU headcanon is that Pam was absolutely holding herself together all these months, she was making the best of it all and not complaining.  The sheer high panic was because of the attack, because now all secrets were out.  Now that everyone knows, there is nothing left to contain and so all her energy and mental space can go towards hope, life and love with Jim. 

Let Roy rot! Good that finally the screen is gone and he's seen for the monster he always had been. He can't charm his way out of it and is being held to account. Good!

You can feel the relief Pam and everyone feels when they get that news. Same later with Sam's call. A few the the last real big worries are gone and can be relegated to the past.

Big emotional move from Michael for sure. That he's asking for permission to do something and also taking responsibility for his actions is massive. He finally woke up that acting like a child all the time probably isn't the best idea. That he's an adult and needs to act like an adult. It's fine to have fun, but also well past time to leave the immaturity of youth behind him.

The other big thing I see in this chapter is hope for the future. For years it was always just survive the now. Hold onto the scraps of happiness now brings because that's all there is. Now that's they're together, the future is finally wide open. Both near and long term future. And what's more is they get to cling to it hand in hand. It's new and exciting and in reality what they always wanted. Wonderful that they get to start exploring it now.

Author's Response:

This chapter was all about HOPE... you are darn right.  And hope that is allowed to be recognized and bloom.  I was never going to saddle Pam with anything long term (other than the mental stuff to work through) but wanted that to be a very real part of what many people in her situation worry about and experience.  

Michael, oh Michael.  We saw such growth and maturity come out when he met Holly.  He swallowed his more crass comments in exchange for actual humor and genuine silliness.  I loved bringing this to this space sooner.   

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Another great chapter. You are really making me want to get back into my own therapy— Maureen sounds great! And like the second therapist, it is difficult when they only have limited availability. I loved your interaction with Michael and his apology. I think that’s very much how Michael is… he doesn’t think… and while he isn’t entirely malicious in his comments, he also must be responsible for them too— so this was really great and heartfelt. I’m so glad that Jam is talking future and Pam feels relief from knowing that her tests were negative. Again, this is such a well done and sweet representation of Jam navigating this difficult situation… thanks for all the love and care you put into this! Can’t wait for more!!

Author's Response:

The slow build up to this point was worth it. After a morning of support and care, and a lunch filled with more of the same we finally get to the courthouse. It almost feels like time is starting to slow down for Pam here. Like she can hear every tick of the clock. Good way to draw out some of the effects of flight and fight. That's a very real sensation, time seeming to slow down. I do love that one of the new ways people have to support her is to ask her to draw. To give her a creative way to express her feelings without having the stress of verbally naming them. Great bit there.

So they all get set into the courtroom and in come reinforcements. Michael leading the way too. She has more than her physical family, she has her work family there for her as well. Great way for them to show up and also for Michael to have a mature moment. Lead them in, tell her they're there for her, but fall back and not claim the limelight.

Then Roy shows up. All his bravado, swagger, ego, come into. Predator stalking his prey feels apt. He probably thinks that he's about to get out and he can go back on the hunt. Though I don't think he was expecting so many people to be there. His treatment of Pam had been hidden for so long. He'd made sure of it. Once he finally took in the room and saw how many people were there, including people he knows he can't intimidate I'm sure the first feelings of panic and fear sink in. This carefully controlled world he'd created for years is now truly in danger of falling apart. Then the one thing he didn't ever want to see happened. Jim leaned in to Pam and it all snaps. Gone is the carefully controlled persona he'd shown to the world. The true face of how is is right there in the open for all to see.

And Pam rises to the challenge, literally. She's clearly not cowed by him anymore. She's not the woman he can force into a quiet acceptance of what he's going to dish out. Through the weekend of love, support, new information, and healing her voice breaks through all the years of pain and tells him to go back where he belongs.

The bailiff using the taser 100% helped as well and was more than deserved.

Then the wagons circle once more. I loved how Dwight was the one to suggest that they build their own force field. How Angela and Oscar have thought through ways of overcoming some of the triggers. Once more, with a solid support system more and more rings of safety can be maintained.

Roy's mom's speech was really interesting though. That she knew what kind of person Roy was. That she did try to get her son to change. I kind of think that maybe there was some history of Roy's father behaving similarly when Roy was growing up to create this kind of a reaction. I saw it as Sharon knows first hand what kind of trials Pam had gone through, she wishes she could have done more, couldn't, and now the only thing she can say is for Pam to run since as far as she knows that may be the only solution.

Really interesting that Pam does run. But she drags Jim with her. Then has her mountaintop victory scream. She faced her dragon, held her shield to the fire, threw her own lance at the beasts heart, and prevailed. The dragon was wounded in such a way that it can't fight back and she proved she could face the hazard. No wonder a primal scream of victory leapt from her throat. Outstanding moment for her in every way. I wish I still had a jellybean for this moment since it's so huge.

Great update.

Author's Response:

Oh I am so very glad this worked well and that all the pieces fit well.  It felt a smidge tedious to ensure all of the pieces and characters fit in together well and didn't come off like separate moments.  Each person got to have a little bit of 'show off' moment: Larisa coming in as an official new sibling, Jim really wholeheartedly seeing he doesn't need the answers all the time, Michael truly growing up and stepping back, Dwight accepting both direction from Angela but settling in more to his friendship with Pam, Angela and Oscar making plans rather than bickering and Roy... ohhh how I loathe him (as do we all).  I appreciate all your support in making choices about things and what we discussed will show up later ;) For now, I wanted no moment for him to speak or 'sound contrite' nope... he was all cruel.  And you got it... his mom is absolutely in the space of knowing from her own experience.  

I know that the next few chapters will take me some time to put together, so I wanted this one to be really lovely and feel like a kind place to pause the story rather than angsty.

Verbal jellybeans gratefully accepted! 

So this was a nice warm blanket of a chapter. After a lot of soul searching, and a lot of big emotions it was a very welcome break to have an easy morning like this one. You wrote them orbiting each other really well. Jim taking care of Pam and more importantly Pam letting him. It really feels like they're starting to not just get their footing, but start walking on the path of their lives together.

I think it's huge that Pam realized that she didn't wake up scared or check the go bag. Her mind isn't in flight or fight anymore and can start to relax. Same with the drawing. The idea that as she gets a pencil in her hand again, her creativity starts to come out once more. Like the talk of wanting the ghosts to come out and say hello.

Jim's getting more in tune with her too. He's figuring out how to be with her in meaningful ways. Case in point letting Pam take the lead in her almost freakout at the counter. Great way to show he's there to support her. I also loved the detail that Jim picked up on what Pam was going for in her drawing of leaving the tomb door open a crack. Shows that he's still very invested in her.

Then a beautiful heart-to-heart talk there in the cemetery. Feels like laying the foundations and starting to build the kind of life and love that will last the ages. Bravo!

Author's Response: Oh, I love that it was received as the warm blanket it felt like while writing. 

Thanks for including Gerald's whisky den. Great fun there.

Big relief with the pregnancy test news. That felt like a big axe hovering over her head and now it's gone. Granted there are some lingering feelings to hash out, but the big thing is dealt with.

Great speech of Ella's there about what someone should expect from a therapist. I really liked how she laid it all out for Pam like that and changed Pam's expectations.

Then the families gather round and show how they're willing to support Pam and Jim. Words are cheap, but actions are what's meaningful. The fact that they immediately circle the wagons but in a way of loving support was great. Especially with the sketchbooks and colored pencils. It's not much, but it's a start.

After a rough start to this day, ending it in a cozy bed, filled with good food, provided by good friends was great. Her apartment is getting some life into it, rather than just a place to exist. Slowly but surely, life is coming back and it's great to see.

Author's Response:

I am glad you liked the nod to Gerald and his whisky den!  Definitely adds personality to his character for sure.

As this is a huge love letter to all my past clients, and anyone else out there considering therapy, I allowed Ella some space to share all of that. I felt, anyone who was still with this story is invested and this could be useful information.

I planned for there to be a significantly start contrast between the rest of the weekend and now.  That having support, family and friends, as well as accepting some pharmacological support would help Pam in seeing the bright life and color of the world.   

For me the highlight of this chapter is Pam having that girl time. Being around like people for the scarier parts makes it easier to talk openly - Larisa and Penny will have a way better understanding of Pam’s concerns than Jim does - so it was great to see her be able to do that. Even just trusting her instinct to not have Jim there for that moment was a good little step for Pam. Glad Lisette seems to be a safe person for Pam and can keep that professional guidance and support, seems exactly what she needs right now. Will be interesting to see how this in turn impacts Penny and Larisa also. Glad to see Gerald make an appearance too! Oh also loved the mom-tuition to give some privacy!

Author's Response: I am purposefully creating more interaction with others, brining in LOADS of other characters intentionally to make a very stark contrast against the 24 hours preceding where Pam was largely ONLY interacting with Jim (same as how Roy would have isolated her.. she was following a pattern she understands).  Now, she both got meds to help reduce the immediate panic and vigilance AND is now able to see other people supporting her and she feels better.  

Loved reading Gerald like this. Especially that bugger off Scottish genes line. Great bit of levity in an impactful chapter. Another big growing moment for Jim. He's getting a huge life lesson crash course. He thought he could navigate it on his own and that came crashing down around him, and Pam. So now, when those further down the path of life than him show up, they show up with wisdom, understanding, support, and a bit of a pull your head out of your butt you're an adult now attitude. Loved reading that. It all felt like a really big and needed heart to heart conversation between the two men and I'm glad it was held.

Author's Response:

YES!  Gerald is going to come in with the life lessons space.  I *almost* went to a place where Gerald had wisdom to share from a past girlfriend of his own, but it felt fake and so I abandoned that thought.  For now, Jim is being clearly told that the families are bonded, all getting along, and that they need to ask for more support and help.  Basically the whole story is about COMMUNITY rather than individualism.

(And, my Scottish wife would never let me live down if I didn't throw in a few sillinesses based on Gerald wearing a kilt in cannon)  

So we have three independent sources of documentation. All three taken without collusion with date or timestamp. This feels very powerful. Probably a windfall for Mel. At the same time, it also means re-visiting some of those old wounds and memories, which of course would be hard. Very much also get a sense of the cost of keeping secrects.

To me though, all that pales with this new voice in Pam's mind. For who knows how long she's had a destructive voice beating her up from inside. As if the physical attacks weren't bad enough, she also faced internal mental attacks too. Now as that destructive voice fades, a new voice takes its place. One of support, love, and healing. Loved it, loved it, loved it!

Author's Response:

So glad you enjoyed it!  I loved the interplay of the Beesly's all making these plans and not talking about it because they didn't want to put more pressure on Pam.  

And I ADORED Jim's voice showing up in her head.  That one happened organically with heartfelt reminders from some clients who say that they use my voice to counter thoughts in their head because we worked on it in sessions. 

Glad that Pam is out of her spell and expressing what it feels like (which can be extremely difficult so good on her) and that she’s finding analogies that help her understand the importance of the current support tools available. Nice that she has met Larisa and Betsy and found comfort in having them around too, to me it seems that although Jim thinks this could be a fawn move she does actually find benefit in his family knowing he is supported too, and that she can benefit from them too. Also love the little detail of Pam just ordering a plain pizza because it’s been a complicated day - sometimes that is the best move for a busy mind ha! Hopefully the Roy thoughts she can work through and process especially surrounded by support.

Author's Response:

Nail on the head, glad my ideas are coming through so well.  I often find people worry about fawning with their loved ones who they know have been through trauma… but there is a FINE LINE between actual fawn responses and simply compromising with a partner.  In my mind, Pam came out of the catatonic experience and was safe with meds that kept anxiety low, so she could make those decisions easier.

I truly can’t wait to finish the next chapter and get it out.  I think everyone will be SO happy with it!! 

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You do such a great job with this! I can tell this is a story of passion for you and I love that you are giving this very, very important healthcare and social concern such an incredible voice. Dr. Paolini, Sam, and Ella are such caring providers and so patient with Pam. As an RN, I love Helene remembering the hard working staff when they order pizza too! It’s clear that Pam and Jim have a connection and feel safe with each other. I think Jim is doing a great job with her but I’m glad they can get Pam to a more stable level with some meds. Worried about what seeing Roy at the hearing will do— but hopefully, Jam can prevail! Great, detailed chapter as always!

Author's Response:

Big chapter for sure. One really gets the feeling of a cocoon of safety Jim and Pam have built for themselves in the brief time they've been at her apartment. A place of rest and safety. Then that same feeling extends to when they get to Jim's place. Jim's insistence that such things can and will become their future imbibe a lot of hope into all this for sure.

Then Karen shows up and it feels like a domino starts to fall. Kinda figured Karen wouldn't just slink away with her tail between her legs. However, good for Jim for standing up to her. Even if it's to say it's just not the time and place. Nice to see some spirit out of him. Though it does cause Pam to start to spiral for sure. What Karen makes of all his care for her remains to be seen though.

Then the interview at the station. Talk about getting hit by a truck. Roy's voice screaming in her head like that? No wonder she goes catatonic. Still, Mel seems like a good egg. One who is 100% on Pam's side and will do everything to see full justice done. Good to have someone like that in her corner.

Then the scene with Oscar, Angela, and Michael. I was not expecting that in the least. Michael starts out being his usual clueless self, but he doesn't have all the information. I kind of liked that Angela snapped at him. Felt like he needed it to be shaken out of his usual mindset. Looks like it worked too. Michael realizing what one of his jokes might have meant in this new context feels like a big moment for him. Hopefully he does continue to grow up so me more.

Author's Response:

Lots of growth and maturing for everyone in this chapter, heck the whole AU.  

I am glad to know the cocoon of security they build together is coming through, but it also gives a little bit of a false sense of security.  It is always easy to manage things when you are without a lot of others input.  Karen broke that bubble, and I purposefully used her to break that bubble for Jim.  Short of seeing Roy, Karen would be the worse person to see while she is still fragile.  Can't wait to share what her thoughts and reactions are to watching the whole thing.

Roy..... man, I am really taking a lot of my anger out on his little character... lol!  I am making sure that there is 100% no doubt he is a despicable and horrible person. 

Mel is absolutely in Pam's corner.  In my head she is...like many women... also the victim of some shitty past partners.  Won't get in to it, but that is what lives in my head.  She wants to see safety and justice.

As terribly immature as Michael always was in canon, I wanted to bring more of the ability o be a grown up.  We see that immediately happen in Goodbye Toby when Michael *almost* makes a that's what she said joke and immediately stops himself.  He has the ability to be mature...I wanted to show that earlier. 

So yeah I settled in and got comfortable when I saw the length of this one. Feels good to get a lot of the emotions out there. Hope is starting to burn more brightly. Pam saying life is a place she's looking forward to and wanting to be in feels huge for her. Even making new memories in her apartment.

I'm glad Jim has the wherewithal to listing to Larissa. Though if I found out my brother had done something like that I'd probably show up at his door to let him know to stop being such an asshole.

Loved all the moments they were sharing with each other. There's still deep wounds that are fresh and need to heal, but they both know that they'll be together to get them healed. Some good practical stuff too like the RO so she can break her lease and start to move forward.

Let Roy rot. That's all I'll say about this version of him.

Author's Response:

Ohhhh… he will rot, fear not! Lol!

I adore how Larisa and Jim are in my head.  There will be more of that because I enjoy how little we have to go on about her that lets us have more room to play.

the further we get from the actual incident at work, the more the fight/flight response dies down, I see them coming more back to the space we saw in canon where they went from ‘will they won’t they’ to basically just an old married couple.  They ‘dated’ the whole time we saw in seasons 1-2!  Once they got together it was like they were always together and I feel that is just the dynamic they have!