Feels like another moment of clarity for Pam here. She's actively thinking that this isn't the life for her. It's not one she values or likes. Not now that snippets of her Real life are getting through. The image that she's not ignoring that open drawer in her mind is a big one. Kinda feels like she's on the verge of now going to look for the life she should have. Can't wait to see where we go from here.

1

I don't generally require a happy ending to all stories I read, but if this particular one doesn't end with Jim at Pam's side, I'm throwing hands! Also, I think this might be the first 'deja vu' that's hard to believe (but lovely to read), but it's probably just because it isn't from Pam's head, but the doctor's memories. I'm on the edge of my seat for what's next!

Author's Response: Would I do that to you? I guess it is possible - maybe this is her real world and the thing with Jim was her AU - yikes...guess you'll have to keep reading and I do have bit more up my sleeve before we get to an end. Thanks for the read and review - always love to hear from you.

1

First of all, I thought you captured the ER well. I’m an OR RN who specializes in orthopaedics, but the ER RNs are a different breed— and I’m confident they’d say the same about me. The only change I’d see in the “real world”— especially at a bigger hospital— is that the minute Pam says “pregnant” they’d likely send he up to OB where they have their own ER so to speak for pregnant women— maybe after an x ray for her ankle, but definitely for an absence of fetal movement. There’s little that collectively terrifies non OB healthcare people more than treating someone who’s pregnant— so she’d likely be whisked up there.

I thought your ER waiting room was great and unfortunately common, but we’re trying to get better at the “catch all” waiting room. Many places have a separate waiting area/entrance/bay for psych needs and peds— so I’m sure Scranton Regional is on their way to that.

I loved your characterization and rationalization of the different nurses because I think it’s so true… one of my coworkers whom I love and respect deeply told me very complimentary and very kindly the other day that he thinks I would be great at being our OR service specialist but I know it would take me out of directly caring for patients every day and dealing more with surgeons, suits, and admin and I do not want to be changed by that.

You continue to not sell me on Roy… but I was hopeful when Pam noticed the absence of fetal movement was associated with the presence of Roy. Still, I’m concerned until she gets checked out— and interested to see where this leads!! Thanks for posting!

Author's Response:

A big thanks for your vote of confidence about the ER scene. I know I didn't get everything right and a lot wrong (and based on something you said I even made a slight - post-edit to the chapter I just put up...so thanks for the thorough review. 

My limited personal knowledge had me referring to ER for a general sense of the scene (and now I'm doing a full on rewatch to the point my next fan fic might be about Carter or Carol). And there's an episode in the first season that clearly demonstrates your point about the non-OB healthcare people.

But let's just say this hospital was not so big, and on that night happened to be overrun with more emergency c-sections than OB professionals upstairs and lastly existed in a fan-fictional world. 

And I appreciate you as a nurse - especially if you are like the one I was envisioning at the later part of chapter (although I imagine the gatekeeping nurses and clerks must have to be tough to keep things running smooth or as smooth as possible).

Thanks again for the review and hope you enjoy the next part (even though I'm sure I might have more "not quite right").

1

Oooh. This was angsty. Actually, it’s all very angsty, but this one with Katy and Roy’s comment about Pam not being able to stay pregnant is just oooh. I’ll admit, it’s been tough to read Pam in this sad, miserable, alternative dream life with Roy— especially when this story starts on the precipice of Jim and Pam’s bright Austin future. I loved the glimpse of Jim in the end and am looking forward to seeing how Pam is (in realtime), what’s causing her dream, and how it ultimately changes her current relationship with Jim! Thanks for pushing on, I’m starting to see this a little more clearly now!

Author's Response:

Sorry for all the angst. Yeah, Pam has it rough in this life. It's quite the polar opposite from her life with Jim (even though they had their season 9 problems). I can't say much but I do like how you are thinking about the story.

I will say my story idea stemmed in part from a movie, The Family Man, (though he had awareness she doesn't, at least consciously) but that brought about the idea of pieces of her life breaking into this one. Incorporating these in is a lot of fun (like the house, the list, the CD, the tie, etc. and more to come) as well as writing the glimpses of "real" life.  I'm glad you are appreciating how they play in. 
Thanks ever so much for reading and reviewing. 

Ok I'm back into full on hating Roy now. Any goodwill I might have had for him in slowly stepping up is just gone now. Still talking to Katy, not telling Pam he'd seen her, that incredibly hurtful comment, and of course the gaslighting when she gets hurt. I mean, the guy is trash.

Pam has every right to walk away from something like that. He doesn't care about her, doesn't know her, even when she's being 100% direct he still blows if off. Just can't stand him.

The quick vision though was interesting. She knows exactly who that was. She knows where her heart truly lies. Again I have this image of off in some celestial space, this Vision Jim is doing everything he can to remind her of her true self. To call Real Pam back home. Vison Jim is throwing what he can when he can in hopes it'll break through. Memories of them, notes he's written, Phil's name, influencing his parents in this world to cross her path. Trying to give her the courage that Real Pam has to find her true self. Of course her heart responds as it should. How could it not? Maybe now that she's seen first hand just how callous Roy can be, she'll start listening to her heart more.

Author's Response:

Yeah, he's quite irredeemable after this incident, though I would still contend it's more his immaturity and his own insecurity dictating his actions and words. But Pam feels trapped (do I mean literally or figuratively, maybe both). I'm liking your take on Vision Jim.
I know you want to shake her. Just know her sock drawer is getting really hard to close.

Thanks for the read and review...always.

1

A bit of a slow start to this chapter, but that's okay. It was good build up for the second half. It was interesting to see that Pam is still making excuses for Roy. Yes he's helping, but it feels like about 50% effort. So she's annoyed at the 50% that doesn't get covered, but will still make the excuse for him. Feels like that's been something that has been going on for far to long. See also her not saying anything about him going off to bachelor's parties and essentially living the single life again.

But then the big thing. She's had reminders of both Cece and Philip, but now, an incredibly vivid vision of Jim and her Real wedding. The wedding that was just for her and Jim. I find it so very telling that her deepest sense of happiness comes roaring back like the waterfall she's seeing.

What I will find very interesting is how she will react to this bit of a cliffhanger. She's starting to stand up to Roy more and more, but now what will happen that Roy's temper is aroused? Is that even Roy's tie? Is it another piece of her Real life that's come sneaking in? Will she remember the true owner of that tie? Cant wait to find out.

Author's Response: Sorry for the slow start but with the last chapter ending with Roy almost showing promise, wanted to convey that even his trying is far from what a Pam Halpert has/had/would have (although to be fair, didn't we find out Jim is like a sloppy, homeless hobo per Darryl). But with Roy, the issues are much more than the lack of help with housework. 

Alas for the nature of dreams....sometimes even the most vivid, realistic ones don't last and often fade from memory the moment you open your eyes...sometimes there's those remnants of what they were immediately after that seem to quickly go poof, where you know you had dreamt of sometime fantastical and yet try and recount it and it is gone and all your left with is that wish you were still there in the dream despite not knowing why. And then to wake up to Roy snapping about a damaged tie, you never saw before, but probably was snipped off in some stupid bachelor party prank, bar bet or other drunken stupidity. But you don't have time or energy to argue especially while you are trying to remember the amazing dream that he has essentially barked away any chance of bringing back to mind. (I might have to use this in the chapter notes)

As for the other comment about Jim waiting, I do love that and again you might be onto something but in crafting the story I think more from her POV. Deep down does she know she trapped in an alt life - and with all she knows of it, again subconsciously, she knows her real husband is patiently waiting for her, just as he did at first? 

Again thanks for your reviews. I always appreciate hearing what you think (and sometimes it helps to know what might need to be elucidated further as in this case).

1

Is there a specific episode to rewatch if I forgot about the Inn Pam's note mentioned? I cannot come up with any scene that would mention it... Great chapter!

Author's Response:

Thanks a bunch...and if you liked this one I think you will really like the next (part of the same arc and for the most part written...a little editing yet to finish). If you can wait, I think it will be clear where the note is from upon reading, but also if you can't wait and haven't already, the episode will clearly reveal itself with a quick web search of the inn. The address written is telling too.

The artifacts, relics and other hints at another life are what I'm most enjoying about writing this one and there are a few more to come.

 Again, many thanks for your reviews as this story continues...

The more I read this, the less I understand why Pam wants to have kids with Roy.
I can't imagine Roy been less annoying or more understanding of Pam needs in her other pregnancys, so why did she keeps trying to have a baby with him? 8 can't wrap my mind around it so I'm having a hard time sympathizing with her.
Sorry Pam, you chose your bed, now lie in it.

Author's Response:

Yes, this version of Pam made some very bad choices and is now stuck in a very uncomfortable bed. But she wouldn't be the first one to think having a baby is a way to fix what's wrong in a marriage or relationship (not that the tactic often works). Besides, with what little joy she gets from Roy why wouldn't she want to bring herself some with a child, one that is not her immature husband.

The strong reaction you are having to Roy is exactly what I intend. Even when he is behaving "better" he is still not a great partner. Glad that is coming through. 

But there's some more to come with breaking through moments - where glimpses of another/better life poke at her. 

Thanks for the review. 

There are worse versions, indeed... Thanks for updating by the way!

I'm definitely on the "not enjoying this particular life-partner of Pam's" side. Roy is so nasty in your version🥴. I cannot wait for her to "wake up".

It's clear this Pam wants more out of this life. She wants to feel fulfilled. She wants a husband not a man-child. She wants to spread her wings and see what happens. However, she's scared. Scared of stepping out of her comfort zone. Case in point not speaking her mind about the sauce. By this time, Real Pam would have had no problem saying clearly what she wanted for something like this. Case in point correcting the bartender about her drink order.

She has a huge piece of her life missing and it shows. The things that would cause her to bloom are dismissed as memories.

A small step forward for Roy, but another big step backwards. He abandoned her in the driveway to get the food, now he won't even walk her inside before heading out again. Who knows what's going to happen at the bar. I'm kind of hoping that while she's alone in her/Jim's old house something will kick in.

Author's Response:

As usual you are right on - It's not  just being with Roy that has prevented her own growth, it's that she hasn't taken that first step and found her "wings". 

Roy is trying though. He's just used to being, well, Roy. This maturity, becoming a dad thing is foreign to him too, he's been coasting so long. 

Thanks for always sharing a review. 

I get why Pam is still steamed. She has to lead Roy around like a child and even then gets barely anything more than the barest of bare minimum. Yes he got her food and flowers, but only cleaned up halfway. The flowers were not set out nicely for her. Thing is he's probably thinking he's done some great big gesture and that should tide him over for awhile. The guy just doesn't have it in him to really listen to what's going on with her. I wonder when the next Real Pam artifact will show up and how that will play out.