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Pools of sorrow, waves of joy
Are drifting through my opened mind,
Possessing and caressing me

The Beatles, Across the Universe

And it only took me three years to summon the courage. So ... thank you.

She wakes up on Wednesday and takes a deep breath, tries to forget it could be the last day (again) they share the same space, because she's finally told him the truth... and that's really all that matters.

She reminds herself of those things when he walks in with a new haircut and leaves early with his girlfriend, because before he goes, he smiles that way (for the first time in months), turns in his chair, a joke in his eyes, and makes her feel real.

After that, she sits in front of the camera and talks about happiness. It really is all she wants for him, so she doesn't say what it means for her if he leaves... how it makes her grasp out and touch things to remind herself she's still there, breathing.

Oh no, it's not that. I've actually been thinking that for a long time. And I'm glad I said it. I just, I'm sorry if it made you feel weird.

It feels good when she stands up to Karen, because backing down is no longer an option. You don't spill your guts to an audience, then pretend it was a fluke. And she knows, even if nothing ever goes her way again, she has something to be proud of.

Karen strikes back, makes her feel sort of small and insignificant by asking for copies, throwing things in her face. She doesn't fault her... feeling sympathetic. If she had Jim, she'd fight for him, too. Still, she can't help reminding her...

I really hope you get the job.

Once the copies are made, she stuffs them in folders and lets her finger skim across the plastic of his, like she's somehow touching him that way. Her eyes fall on a piece of foil, nestled amongst the treasures on her desk. She scribbles a note and tapes the medal to the top... willing him to remember. Reminding him she does. She slides it carefully between the pages of his sales reports and lays it on his desk.

When he waves goodbye a few hours later, her eyes linger over the place he last was.

 Thursday comes, like she knew it would. Nothing has changed and everything's different. The phone makes her anxious, a bearer of bad news.

I literally cannot wait until I see what Dwight has planned. And I wish Jim were here.

Dwight's every move mocks her, begs for Jim's presence. She imagines the look on his face and the plan they'd concoct. She wonders what he's doing, right then, that minute. If he's thanking David Wallace for the job.

I haven't heard anything. But I bet Jim got the job. I mean, why wouldn't he? He's totally qualified, and smart, everyone loves him. And if he never comes back again, that's okay. We're friends. And I'm sure we'll stay friends.

As long as Jim's in Scranton - even if he's not hers - she can make it, but there's something in the way, something always between them, blocking the road. It's easier to imagine Jim taking the job... because what does it mean if Karen is hired and he goes to New York with her?

She puts on a brave face and talks about friendship, but she knows if Jim leaves, if he chooses Karen - not like he's already done, but for real and for good - it's over. And she wants to believe she can make it. Knows eventually she would, but her insides feel hollow, full of tears she can't shed... and words still unspoken.

When she talks about timing, she lies, because she's sure they should have had more. She wonders what it means that they never got a chance, thinks about what it could have been if they did... and knows it would have been...

More.