Jim sat in his kitchen staring at his refrigerator door and the letters that Scarlet and Pam had left him. He still cared for Pam and felt bad for the way he had left Scarlet’s party. He didn’t know why he was hurting so bad. He had waited eight years to be with Pam, and now that he was, she didn’t want to tell anyone.

Jim paced in his living room until he decided that he would reconcile this matter another day. It was too late in the evening to fix his problems now.

----

When Pam walked into the living room with tears in her eyes, her mother stood nonchalantly against the couch. She had her hands crossed over her chest and looked Pam dead in the eyes.

“What happened there Pam?”

“Nothing, Mom. Jim and I had a little disagreement.”

“Are you sure that’s all that was?”

“Yes, Mom.”

“What’s the problem?”

Pam went to the couch and fell into the fluffy cushions. She hid her face from her mother and the blinding light that was shining throughout the room.

“We’re dating now.”

“You are? Finally….”

“It’s not that easy, Mom. I told Loren that Jim and I were just friends.”

“Why?”

“Because I’m stupid.”

“Are you afraid that Neil’s family will disown you and Scarlet if they find out you‘ve moved on?”

“…Yes.”

“You can’t be miserable the rest of your life because you’re trying to tip toe around his family’s feelings. Think about yourself once in a while.”

“I want to, Mom….So bad.”

“Then do it. If you go and tell them that you’ve finally found someone that will fill that void in your life, then why wouldn’t they be happy for you and Scarlet?”

“Because I’m scared.”

“Of what?”

“To admit that I’m totally, completely, perfectly, and utterly in love with another man.”

“Who are you trying to fool Pam? Scarlet even knows…”

Pam let out a little laugh and pulled her face away from the cushion. “Mom, is it okay to be head over heels for a guy a year after my husband died?”

“Honey, I think that Jim is what you need. He is a breath of fresh air for you and Scarlet.”

“He is.”

“You need to fix this. You can’t let him go.”

“I couldn’t stand myself if I lost him again.”

“Well….”

“What?” Pam asked as she smiled at her mother.

“I think you have a few people you need to speak with.”

“I think I do too.”

-----

After dropping Scarlet off at school, Pam took a long drive to a place that she dreaded visiting by herself. She hated the feeling of being alone where he rested. It made her feel ill.

She stepped off the gravel and onto the grass. Pam kneeled over his grave and placed another bouquet of flowers on the green grass. She sniffled and then decided that she needed to get her feelings off of her chest.

“Neil, I have needed to tell you this since you walked out. I can’t remember back to when I was actually happy with you. You know that I wasn’t happy for a long time. But instead of trying to fix our relationship, you decided it was best to drown your thoughts in a bottle of liquor. Meanwhile, I was sitting at home holding our baby girl and filling her head with lies about you. I was telling her you were a good father and that you would be home soon, when in all actuality, you didn’t care to come home and spend time with her.”

Pam let tears pour from her eyes as she ran her hand along the engraved letters. She mustered up more words to speak.

“I’ve hidden my real feelings for long enough. You hurt me and Scarlet and I haven’t ever forgiven you for that. You cursed us, you neglected us and you ruined our lives.”

Pam sobs became more prominent to where she was having to stagger her breathing with her words. She closed her eyes tight as she imaged that Neil was standing there in front of her. It was either that, or she was shutting her eyes in a prayer. She prayed that he heard her.

“I didn’t have the courage to tell you I despised you. I was afraid you would hurt me or run away with Scarlet. Yes, it’s true. I did love you at one point. You were a good distraction from my normal life. You swept me off my feet at just the right time and rescued me from myself. But, when the fireworks were gone, I suddenly realized that you weren’t the one for me. By then, it was too late, we were married and had made that commitment.”

Pam glanced over to another couple visiting a grave. She noticed that they put flowers on Kathy and Kyle’s graves. She then realized that the tall older gentleman was Ted, the survivor from the crash. Pam’s eyelashes collected more tears as she gazed across the cemetery to the couple. He was gently holding her hand and rubbing his thumb over the back of her hand. With that display of affection, Pam stood and unknowingly walked over to them. Her heart raced when she realized that she had tapped on Ted’s shoulder. It was like she was having an out of body experience and had subconsciously walked over to them.

Ted turned around with a look of concern on his face. He had noticed Pam’s tear stained face.

“Are you okay ma’am?” he asked.

“How are you doing?”

“I’m fine, but you don’t look so good.”

“Do you know who I am?” Pam asked as she pointed to herself.

“I’m sorry. I don’t remember meeting you before.”

“We met one night at the hospital and once after to discuss legal matters.”

Ted turned towards the lady that was still attached to his side. He finally turned back to took Pam in the face and then grabbed a hold of her and embraced her.

She whispered into his shoulder, “I’m so sorry.”

“You don’t have to do that.”

“Yes, I do.”

He pulled away to look her in the face again. “Things happen for a reason.”

“How can you say that when your wife and child died?” she asked as she wiped her face.

“I knew that Kathy wouldn’t want me to stop living. She always made me happy and I still miss her and Kyle more than ever. Some days are harder than others. You must know how that feels too. I don’t blame you for anything. It was one of those things where time and fate collide, you know? I know now that I need to move on and start life over again.”

Ted reached down and pulled the woman’s hand up so Pam could see. “When I let myself start living again, Melissa walked into my life. This is proof that you can move on now.”

Pam nodded and took a few steps back. “Thank you. And, I’m truly sorry for all the pain that was inflicted on you and your family.”

“It’s not your fault. Yet again, things happen for a reason. I’m not going to lie, I was angry and I miss them. But I had to learn how to move on. It looks like you do too.”

“I’m trying.”

“Good luck with that.”

“Thanks. Take care,” Pam said as they turned back around to pay their respects to Kathy and Kyle.

Pam marched back over to Neil’s grave and stood at his feet. With courage and boldness, Pam was finally able to do the thing that she had a hard time doing. The words exploded out of her mouth and as they did, a steady flow of tears followed.

“I forgive you.”

Pam quickly turned and got into her car. She only had thirty minutes until she had to pick up Scarlet.

----

“Mommy are you sad?”

“No baby. Mommy is just fine,” Pam said as she pulled the car up the driveway.

“You look sad.”

“I know. But, Mommy is much better now.”

Pam helped Scarlet out of the car. Instantly, Lindie greeted Scarlet and rubbed up against her legs. Scarlet picked her up and carried to the door. When they went into the house, Pam let out a sigh of relief. She was finally home. Now that her conscience was clear of any past mistakes, she could call her house a home.

While Scarlet was watching cartoons, Pam went throughout the house, pulled a few of Neil’s photos off the wall and placed them in the study. Pam left Neil’s books, paper, and some of his knickknacks sitting where he had left them. Soon she wanted to redecorate and rearrange the books and shelves. She didn’t know when she would allow herself to do that, but knew that she now had the strength to do it.

Later that night, Pam called Neil’s mother Susan.

“I just needed to tell you that I am in love with someone.”

“Pam, you don’t have to feel bad about life happening.”

“I know. I just didn’t want you all to think that I have completely forgotten about Neil.”

“We know you won’t let Neil fade away from Scarlet."

“I’ll try my best.”

“Thank you.”

“No, thank you for listening. I didn’t know how to tell you…”

“You have done all you can. I think you should find happiness. Lord knows how long it’s been since you've actually been happy.”

“It’s been way too long, Susan.”

“I know. I could tell. You two couldn’t ever hide your real feelings.”

“You saw right through us, huh?”

“Yeah,” Susan said as a sob caught in her throat.

“Thank you, Susan. I appreciate the support.”

“It’s time to start moving on.”

“Yeah. I’ve heard that a lot.”

“Let’s do it then.”

After their conversation, Pam crawled into her bed and snuggled up with her pillow. As she tossed and turned, she thought about Jim. Whenever he stayed over, she would rest so easy. Although they slept on the couch or on Scarlet’s floor, she felt safe and comfortable with him. Just when sleep was making her eyes heavy, a tiny figure stood in the doorway.

“Mom, I can’t sleep. Can I sleep with you?”

Pam held up her head and reached her hand out. “Sure baby.”