Pam fumed silently at her desk, letting Karen's words take their full effect. Just a kiss? NO BIG DEAL? What the hell had he told her? She felt tears burning on the back of her eyelids but refused to let them out. She held a lot of things prisoner these days. Her too large and aching heart, plain old violent thoughts regarding Karen, and of course the urge to rip Jim's clothes off every time he came near her.

Thinking back to earlier that day, her pathetic attempt at flirting made her cringe. She really needed help. Stupid, stupid!! She chastised herself for thinking that making cute eyes at him would turn his head around. She was just insanely out of practice. Her attempt at flirting was like the first rusty squeak out of an old flute that had been laid in the corner and forgotten about. Senile hiccuping of an out of practice girl, desperately in love.

And then, this. Karen confronting her out of the blue, what he told her? She had yanked their private memory from them and twisted it. She had fantasized about the day she would be able to talk to Jim about it. The night they fell in love together. The night she couldn't admit it, but it had happened. It had been the beginning of something, only she was scared, too timid to disrupt her own life to have this gift that had been handed to her.

In her bed, late at night she would dream of him and how this might go for them. Her covers over her head, her eyes closed tightly, she would dream of the perfect words. Then he would kiss her sweetly, then harder. Her hand would make it's way in to her pajama bottoms, and she would shudder, just at the thought of him. She imagined being drunk, maybe, and spilling her heart to him, anyone nearby would hear her yell, "I love you! You idiot! I loved you and I was scared and I left him anyway, but you left me. Why did you leave me when I needed you. Now I'm alone. I should have just married him!" She imagined screaming this to him, to anyone who would listen, but she knows it's not true. She knows she's putting her own spin on it, but it suits her fine.

Pam looked around the office, snapping out of her insane reverie of drunken accusations. She goes in to the bathroom to splash some water on her face and calms herself down. As she walks out, she sees Jim and he gives her a small smile, tired lines crinkling around his eyes. And then it all seemed not to matter so much. Karen, Roy, the world. She set her shoulders and walked towards him, keeping his gaze the entire time. As Karen's mouth hung open, she leaned in and lightly kissed him on the corner of his mouth. She leaned in and whispered in his ear, "In case you couldn't tell, I was flirting with you. Now try and tell her how this kiss doesn't matter."

With a smile, she grabbed her coat and walked to the elevator, feeling like, finally, she was part of the game.

End Notes: I hope you liked it. I need to start small just to break the seal, but I have so many ideas. Drunk Pam is so great, and I would love her to just all out seduce Jim, wouldn't that be great? sigh..