Disclaimer: I do not own The Office, or the characters from The Office. No copyright infrigement is intended, just a little fun.
The drive to Jim’s house stretched on like an eternity for both occupants. The air in the car was thick with unspoken emotions - fear, pain, guilt. Karen drove him in her SUV while he rested his head against the passenger side window, the glass cool and soothing to his bruised face. Jim felt a physical ache on the inside matching the throbbing pain on the outside. What he needed more than anything was to break free of this mess he had made with Karen and figure out how to stop running from Pam. He realized too late that this whole relationship had never really been about moving on; it had been an effort to run from Pam, run from his feelings, run from that awful night when he didn’t get the happy ending he wanted. His friendship with Karen was genuine, but their romance was hollow. Even with all the effort he had put into it, it wasn’t right for him, or her.
They pulled into his driveway and Karen came around to help him out of the car. He held his hand up to signify that he was fine on his own, so she left him to get his bag out of the back seat. She followed behind him as he unsteadily walked up to his door and let himself in. He went straight to the bathroom to check out the damage while Karen got an ice pack ready.
“Fuck.” His voice was low and raspy as he ran hand over his now swollen eye and cheekbone.
“Yeah, you look a little like Rocky Balboa or something, the ice will help.” Karen tried to have an upbeat tone, but couldn’t hide the tension in her voice. Jim noticed that since the fight the only time she didn’t have that tension in her voice was during their brief conversation in the office in front of Pam. “I’ll take you home and get you cleaned up.”Was that bright and confident tone just for Pam’s benefit?
He took the ice and gently put it against his wounds, shuddering when the white hot cold touched his cheek. He pushed past her and went to the living room to sit on the couch.
“Karen, I know that you want an explanation, but I can’t….I’m not sure what to tell you.”
“Let’s try the truth for a change Jim.” He knew it was time to stop lying; to stop pretending; to stop running. It was quite simply time to stop. He stumbled over his words.
“Karen, I don‘t know where to start, but in the end what you have to know is…… I didn’t mean to hurt you. But, it’s not over for me with Pam.”
Karen flopped down on the couch like the wind had been let out of her sails. She had tried with everything she had in her to be the girlfriend that she thought he wanted. But the truth was that she had always sensed it, that he was slowly slipping away. Although that would imply that she ever really had him to start with and she realized now that was never true. She should have known better.
“Well, um, Jim, I..uh….I don’t know what to say….I mean you kept telling me it was nothing. Kept reassuring me, kept letting me fall in love with you. Why?”
He shook his head sadly and he leaned over and rested his arms on his knees. “I don’t know.”
“That’s crap Jim.” She stood up and raised her voice at him, venting the hurt and anger that was building up.
Jim had never been good at this part. He hated hurting other people’s feelings. So instead of being honest and explaining why he was ending a relationship, he always ended up crawling into his shell and just saying something distant and ultimately more hurtful. He wasn’t the kind of guy that stayed friends with exes.
“Ok,” he sat up straighter, giving himself the strength to just say it. Do it right this time, he owed her that much. Unknowingly Karen had been a pawn in an elaborate chess game that he and Pam were always playing, whether they knew it or not.
“Ok, I do care for you Karen, I know that sounds trite, but it’s true. I really just never meant for it to get this serious. I didn’t mean for you to uproot your life for me, I wasn’t thinking. I wanted to move on from the past, from …..Pam,” his voice broke with emotion on her name, “and I wanted to try with you, I really did. But….. I just…..can’t.” Jim knew this was a very ironic moment that he would be saying these words to another human being. He chuckled sadly to himself, “Maybe I’m incapable at this point.”
Karen was numb. As the tears began to spill down her cheeks, she covered her face with her hands, the wetness against her fingers beginning to bring her back to reality. This was the first time in maybe all the time she’s known him that he’s been so open, so brutally honest. She sat again and faced forward, looking across Jim’s living room into nothingness, trying to process this.
She remembers all the conversations with her best friend from college about Jim. This last month especially, she would describe to Joanie all the conversations they’ve had, all the strained moments they’ve shared, and all the sexy ones. Joanie had warned her that it seemed that Jim was not as invested in the relationship as she was. Karen hadn’t wanted to hear it and had actually picked a fight with Joanie over it, to get her to stop raising questions that Karen would rather ignore. Now, of course, it seemed an apology was in order.
Karen wiped the tears from her cheek and said, “So that’s it? That’s all I get?”
“That’s all I have to give.” Jim mumbled the words quietly, hanging his bruised and battered face so that he could avoid her wounded gaze.
“Well,” she got up curtly and smoothed out her jacket, “If you don’t want to be with me, that’s fine Jim. I’m certainly not gonna beg you to stay, frankly you’re not looking like much of a catch these days. In fact you're looking more like a selfish jerk to me. I’ve never been anything but totally available to you and I can’t believe you kept pulling me into this relationship, when you were just biding your time till she would have you.”
“It wasn’t like that.”
“See that’s the thing Jim, it is like that. You just don’t want to admit it. No matter how much you think you’ve evolved, that you’ve outgrown the people in that office, you haven’t, you never will. And you’ll never be able to change or be with anyone else as long as you bring Pam along in the background. And you need to stop moping around like you’re a victim, poor Jim – Pam broke his heart, because you’ve done this to yourself.”
She didn’t know why she was saying anything - it was pointless, he would never learn and her little tirade wasn’t making her feel any better. She realized that there was one more thing she had to know the truth about.
“What’s the deal with Roy, I think I deserve to know why he came in today looking to kick your ass?”
Jim cleared his throat shutting his eyes tight from the sight of her, “Remember I told you that Pam and I kissed? I think I left out that she was engaged to Roy at the time and it was about a month before she was supposed to marry him.”
“That’s your idea of “just a kiss”?” She was truly shocked about this piece of information. She’d known Jim a while now, and knew that he was mostly a nice guy, but hiding all this information from her, interfering in Roy and Pam’s life, this all seemed so out of character. It made her wonder how well she really knew Jim Halpert, maybe she was lucky to get out now.
“Wow. That’s just, Wow. I would have punched you out too. In fact I’d kind of like to, but it wouldn’t be a fair fight right now.” She started to leave and turned around for one last word on the subject, “You know, I hope that you and Pam work this whole thing out if for no other reason than to stop fucking up other people’s lives.” She turned and left, she couldn’t stay there with him one more second without completely breaking down. His stupid unruly hair and boyish charm had blinded her to the fact that he was quite literally damaged goods and she felt like such a fool for getting too close to him.
She got in the car and looked for her cell phone, it just rang once before a familiar voice picked up, “Hello?”
“Joanie, hi, it’s me…..I’m sorry about what I said last week. You were right about Jim. I’ve been a fool all along. ”
