Jim felt his phone vibrate in his jacket pocket and thanked God above for the distraction. His mind had been off in space all night anyway, at least now he’d have a reason for not paying attention.

All the things he didn’t care about seemed to be crammed together in one room tonight.

Without even bothering to look at the display he flipped his phone open. “Mark…what’s the score?”

“Hey….Jim.”

“Hey……..” Jim said, realizing very quickly that it wasn’t Mark with basketball scores.

He tucked his bottom lip under his top and for reasons he’d never understand tried to muffle the sounds of Karen’s laughter next to him, by putting his hand over the mouthpiece.

“H- hold on one second…” Jim said talking to both Pam and Karen. He held up one finger at Karen to indicate that he needed a second. He moved out into the corridor and swept his gaze over each end, looking for a quiet spot.

Nothing quite fit the bill.

“I can’t really hear…you have to speak up. It’s a little noisy here,”

Jim tugged on his tie and told himself his sudden hot flash was due to the hoops he’d just been playing. Not because he was hearing Pam’s voice. Or the fact that loving the sound of her voice while he was on a ‘date’ with Karen made him an ass.

“Pam?” He finally said her name once out of earshot of Karen.

“What are you doing?” she asked.

Jim scratched the top of his head. She had to know where he was. Karen hadn’t made any secret of it at the office today. She’d told everybody who’d listen where they were going.

“Pam I’m at the CFO’s house…the cocktail party –

“Oh no…right, right. I’m sorry I didn’t mean to bother you.”

“No…it’s fine,” Jim said, realizing for the first time that her voice sounded a little funny. He kept looking for a completely secluded spot, smiling sheepishly at a woman he almost knocked over in his haste to get outside. “What’s up?”

“Oh nothing…I just…listen, I think I did – I think I did the wrong thing or…No, it was the right thing, but I’m not sure what he’s going to do. He’s so angry. When Roy gets this way I don’t…”

Her voice trailed off and a slight sense of déjà vu enveloped Jim. He remembered having gotten the same prickly feeling in the past, but it always left as quickly as it had come.  Moments here and there over the years when Pam’s voice had been extremely small after an argument with Roy or she’d return to the office with her arms folded across her chest and her head bowed. Like something really bad had just gone down.

Jim had never seen any bruises, so he’d never intervened. He’d always told himself that if it ever went beyond the yelling she’d leave. He prayed in these few seconds that he hadn’t been wrong about that.

“Pam what’s going on?” Jim asked soberly.

“I’m not…Maybe nothing. I just needed you to know that I broke up with him. I didn’t…I didn’t think he was going to react the way that he did. I don’t know what I thought really…but not this...”

Jim sat down on the planter that flanked the porch. He rubbed his forehead. “Pam…just – just tell me what happened.”

“I told Roy about us…about last May…you and me.”

It was a good thing he was sitting. The silence stretched on until she said, “Jim?”

“No, I…I heard you……….What exactly did you say to him?”

“I just…I told him I kissed you. I told him that…you know…I don’t know. I just felt like I needed to tell him the truth if we were going to move on…but he didn’t take it…well. At all –

Her voice cracked and Jim sighed. He leaned over the phone and lowered his voice even though no one else was outside. “Pam, are you ok?”

“No, yeah I’m fine…I just…he started throwing things…we were at Poor Richards and he just…. I’ll like never step foot in that place again,” she said with a touch of hysteria in her laugh. But she quickly put a stopper on that. “He just…lost it. And then…he was here. I don’t know if he followed me or…I just…”

“Is he still there? Pam - ”

“No, no,” Pam said quickly, trying to reassure him or herself, Jim wondered. “I’m…No, he left. I wouldn’t let him in. I won’t…ever.”

These days the only time his instincts worked was when he was making a sale. With clients he could move completely on instinct and it worked every time. With Pam…

He didn’t trust a single thought in his head.

There was a girl inside waiting for him. A girl who was not the least bit confusing – unless she was trying to tell a joke. He knew exactly how Karen felt about him. For that reason, he needed to end this phone call.

Broken up with Roy or not broken up…it didn’t matter. On top of all that, Pam had been handling Roy for years. Why should tonight be any different? She’d chosen. She’d chosen damn it.

“Ok, well thanks for telling me that he knows,” Jim said infusing his voice with a casual calm that he didn’t feel. “But I’m miles away right now so I don’t think I have to worry about him tracking me down. And I’m at a party with Karen, so….”

“Oh no, right…of course,” Pam said. “I just…I just thought…...I don’t know what I thought really. I’ll…talk to you soon.”

The click of the phone made him shut his eyes and sigh. He knew he’d hurt her feelings by being so blasé. He also knew that he felt anything but blasé. He slipped his phone into his jacket pocket and looked at his hands. White knuckled and shaking.

Truth be told he was far more fearful of Pam than he would ever be of Roy.

~~~~~~~~

He’d sat outside for a good ten minutes, willing himself to walk back inside. Willing himself not to call Pam back.

“More b-ball with the CFO?” Karen said beaming up at Jim as he made his way back inside the party. Her eyes were only a tad bit loopy from all the champagne.

Karen wrapped her arms around one of his and leaned in. It struck him as odd that he was suddenly thinking about how many glasses of champagne she’d had and managed to still be relatively sober. How many had she had at Phyllis’ wedding? It didn’t matter, it wasn’t like she had a problem. It just stuck him as odd that was all…Pam could only have like two or three drinks before laughter was bubbling out of her like a fountain and she was halfway to the floor.

He was officially ridiculous. He officially had a problem that he needed to seek psychiatric help for.

“Earth to Jim,” Karen said tugging on his arm.

“Oh sorry…yeah,” he said forcing a smile.

“Outside with the CFO again?” She asked and he understood that she must’ve asked him already. “Does he want to loan you the corporate jet yet?”

See look! She’s good for you! She wants to see you make connections…So what? So does Pam! The war in his brain waged on. Remember that time she wanted you to take the job that you were goofing on Dwight about? Remember that? Yeah I remember she wanted me to leave the state…That wasn’t what she meant and you know it, Halpert.

“Oh…um, no…” he heard himself say. Damn it. He couldn’t do this. He couldn’t stand here and make idle chit-chat with Karen or anybody else when Pam was going through God only knew what kind of pain.

He didn’t care who was here. He didn’t care who he needed to get in good with. He never had.

Jim  cleared his throat. “Oh um…actually that was Pam…on the phone I mean. She’s having a bad night…I think maybe I should go hang out with her.”

Karen made a face and then smiled. He realized before she said anything that she thought he was kidding.

“Nice one Halpert…getting back at me for telling you I dated every guy here? Very good. You almost got me…but not. Even you are not that good.”

Jim smiled awkwardly. “No, I…I’m actually serious,” he added apologetically, earnestly…“I just…she didn’t sound good. Sounds like she got in some big fight with Roy and…it was pretty ugly I guess.”

Karen made a face and it held this time. She knew he was serious now, but said the words anyway, “You’re kidding. Jim…I’m not leaving this party so you can go hold Pam’s hand.” She forced a smile at the end, as if smiling at him might persuade him to see how crazy he was being.

Jim licked his lips, glanced to the side for a moment and then looked back at her. “I’m not asking you to.”

Her eyebrows lifted, all traces of a smile gone. “Are you suggesting leaving me here?”

He frowned. “Of course not. I’m just saying that a good friend of mine is having a rough time and I’d like to be there…that’s all. Karen we’ve been at this party for hours already. It’s not like we’re going to miss anything.”

“Ok, so let me get this straight….this good friend of yours that’s having a rough time – is Pam. The girl you used to have feelings for and now I’m supposed to let you just run after her and what? Kiss it and make it better?”

Jim lowered his voice but it still came out as a hiss. “Well I wasn’t really asking your permission, so…you don’t have to let me, no.”

Karen literally took a step back.

He took a deep breath, realizing he’d gone too far. He was asking a lot. He was. “Karen, just…can you just be ok with this? I just need to see that she’s alright.”

“Then what?” Karen spat.

“Then…nothing. I just wanna go by and see her. That’s all.”

“I’m supposed to be ok with leaving a party that I want to be at. A party with more connections than I’ve ever had in my life…a party where you were just playing basketball with the CFO…and I’m supposed to go with you to play nursemaid to your ex-crush.”

He was wise enough not to say ‘I wasn’t asking you to go with me and do anything.’

“I understand if it’s asking too much,” he said instead.

Karen sighed in relief. “Thank you. Thank you for seeing reason.”

“Oh no…I – I’m still going.”

The world halted again and Karen looked to her side, glanced up at Jim. “This is unbelievable…….Jim, If you leave me at this party…we’re over.”

“Karen –

“Jim, I am not going to Pam’s house. So we either stay here, or you leave…and that’s the end of us.”

Jim shoved his hands in his pockets, nodded slowly, and said “Ok,” before turning and walking out of the house.

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