Disclaimer: Don't own anything. I promise.  

~~~!~~~

“Angela, I just don’t understand why we have to have this Party Planning Meeting in Karen’s apartment.”

Angela’s face was a mask of desperation. “Michael’s plastic ruler holiday isn’t on my official calendar of holidays, but he dropped numerous hints throughout the day indicating that he was expecting a party. Therefore, as Party Planning Committee, we have to plan a party!”

Karen sighed and dropped another load of extra blankets and pillows onto the living room floor. “And you’re sure you all want to stay over?”

Angela whipped her plastic ruler onto the futon with a resounding snap. “Party planning takes time, people, time that we do not have. When we are finished do you really want to force us young women to drive home alone in the dark? Where is Pam?”

“I’m right here, Angela.” Pam appeared from where her head was buried in Karen’s freezer. “Where’s the ice cream?”

Kelly’s voice came from the bathroom loud and clear: “Ooo! Ice cream! We have ice cream!”

“Ice cream later, Kelly!”

“Omigodddd, Angela…”

Pam turned to Karen and they exchanged looks. “No South Park tonight, I guess.”

Karen laughed and retrieved a bag of carrot sticks from her fridge. “Carrot sticks and party planning. Cartman would be ashamed.”

Pam forced a laugh. “Ashamed, yeah, definitely.” She glanced over at the futon and tried hard not to think about what could be under it tonight.

~~~!~~~

Two hours later, after more than two people had been smacked by Angela’s ruler, Karen found a way to lock her into the bathroom.

“Help! Will somebody help me? I can’t get the door open, I can’t…Oh God. I’m stuck. Hail Mary, mother of God…”

Kelly clasped both hands over her mouth to stop the rebellious giggling as Karen leaned casually against the doorframe and lazily tapped at the doorknob.

“I can’t get it open, Angela…I should have told you that it locks itself sometimes…” she lowered her voice to a whisper. “I was locked in for an entire afternoon once. I picked the lock with my pocketknife.”

“Where is your pocketknife? Is it in here?”

“Top shelf.” Karen looked meaningfully at Kelly and Pam lying open-mouthed on the floor, pulling a small Swiss Army knife out of her pocket.

Pam got up off the floor and hurried over. “Angela? I called the locksmith. They’ll be here soon, they said.”

“Then we should expect them day after tomorrow,” Angela spat. “Call – call Dwight. He carries a skeleton key with him at all times.”

“Do you really want to wake him up? He’s got that MacAvoy sales call tomorrow, y’know – “

“Don’t wake him up!” Angela’s voice was reaching shrill new highs. “Don’t wake him up! Just…okay. There’s a man’s shaving kit in here. There’s got to be something I can use.”

Karen’s face turned red. “Um, Angela? That’s Jim’s. It’s for when he stays over, since he’s over here a lot anyway…uh…don’t use that, I think he’d be kind of mad if you took his razor apart.”

Pam swallowed hard and tried to smile. She could feel The Look creeping onto her face and turned from where Karen was talking Angela out of using a credit card and a bobby pin. Kelly saw The Look before Pam could hide it away, and clenched her hands around her mouth even tighter, nodding seriously for the first time Pam could remember.

~~~!~~~

“Pam, I’m telling you, do not eat that peanut butter. You do not know anything for sure. You could get salmonella.”

Pam waved her hand desperately at the peanut butter crackers in the vending machine. “They’re not Peter Pan, Dwight.”

“Are you one hundred percent certain? Have you ever visited a peanut butter factory? Do you realize how terrible the security is at a peanut butter factory? And yes, I have visited a peanut butter factory. Jiffy.”

“Is this payback for the whole Angela thing? Because I honestly had nothing to do with it.”

“No, this is not.” He tilted his head. “But in all honesty, I highly doubt your innocence. Fact: Receptionists know how to pick locks. Another fact: You did not pick any locks last night. Why not?”

“Okay, Dwight, you know what? No.” Pam’s hand whipped out and stabbed the numbers almost brutally.

“I’m warning you, Pam! I will be watching for the telltale symptoms of salmonella. Diarrhea, fever, vomiting, cramps, headache, fatigue – “

“No, Dwight!”

She bent down to retrieve her crackers, and when she stood up, Dwight was already gone. Salmonella, my ass. She leaned against the counter and opened the plastic wrapping. Maybe I should fake it, just for his sake. I should get Jim in on it too, we could – oh.  

The vicious blushing returned and she dropped a cracker. This has got to stop.

It had been about six hours since the shaving kit incident last night, and three weeks since she’d discovered the boxers. Three weeks was a long time to spend avoiding Jim’s eye and turning her head the other way when she saw Jockey ads. She had seen an Ikea billboard on the interstate the other day and nearly swerved into the railing. This morning, she had caught herself staring at his chin, noticing minor stubble on his jaw.

“This has got to stop,” she muttered, too absorbed in her thoughts to notice as Karen walked into the break room.

“What’s got to stop?” Karen asked, coming up to her and casually leaning against the vending machine.

“Oh! Karen!” Pam flustered again and shook her head. “Nothing. Dwight. Peanut butter, you know, salmonella…and apparently he visits Jiffy factories in his spare time.”

“Wouldn’t put it past him.” Karen fished around in her pocket for change and then looked back up at Pam. “Hey, you know what? I think I finally broke him down. I think Jim’s finally officially moving in with me.”

Pam dropped another cracker, and this time stayed down a long time searching for it.

“I just…wanted to tell you directly, instead of having you hear it from Kelly or something.” Pam tried hard not to picture the look on Karen’s face. “I know you guys had a thing a while back. But I think you’ve moved on, I mean, you seem fine to me, and he seems like he’s moved on too, and I just felt like…I don’t know. He mentioned it. Maybe he was kidding. I don’t know. It’s just that…yeah. Okay.”

Pam straightened up and did her best to smile. “That’s great. I’m really happy for you.”

Karen smiled and reached over to give Pam a hug. “Thanks, Pam.”

“No problem…” Pam bent her elbow and patted Karen on the back. Well, this was unexpected. Out of the corner of her eye, she could see the black lens of the camera peeking through the blinds. Not as sneaky as you think you are. She had a prickling feeling on the back of her neck, and she knew that Dwight was following through with his promise to watch her for salmonella symptoms. Not nearly as sneaky as him.

Karen left the break room and Pam resumed her spot against the counter, peanut butter crackers forgotten. “I think you’ve moved on, I mean, you seem fine to me” – I’m not fine.  

I am not fine.