Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

Pam sat at her desk, her fingers poised over her keyboard, motionless.  The office was empty, quiet except for the hum of the computers.  And the rapid pounding of her heart.  She breathed in and out slowly for a few minutes while she waited for her pulse to return to normal.

The last two weeks had been a living hell, and now she was going to get a coffee with him?  It had only been twelve days since he had come back and nothing was going right.  What was I thinking? She thought.

She had been so excited to see him again.  She had been planning for his return ever since Phyllis had leaked the news to her over lunch one day.  On the morning of the big day she had gotten up extra early, taking extra time with her hair and applying a bit more makeup than usual.  She had felt giddy the entire ride into the office and had to physically calm herself down before getting out of her car, so she didn’t embarrass herself by skipping across the parking lot like she wanted to.

She sat at her desk waiting for what seemed like eternity for him to arrive.  Her heart raced every time she heard the door to the office open.  She would look up expectantly, hoping it would be him, only to be disappointed as new face after new face appeared around the corner.  When it finally was him, she was overcome with nerves and immediately looked down at her desk, nervously pulling on her hair. 

She hadn’t planned on hugging him, though the thought had crossed her mind, but as soon as she saw him, standing alone in front of her, looking down at her the way he had a thousand times before, she couldn’t contain herself any longer.  She jumped up from her desk and wrapped her arms around him.  Jim.  Her Jim.  She felt his arms wrap around her back and closed her eyes.  She breathed in his smell, God how she missed his smell.  She tightened her arms around his neck and prayed that the world would end right now and she would never have to let go of him again.

Her prayer went unanswered however, and she eventually had to let go.  They made small talk and a minute later he was gone.  He was only a few feet away, but to Pam it was too far.  She sat back down at her desk and watched as Jim said hello to Dwight.  She was impressed at how fast he could ruffle his feathers.  She had missed pulling pranks with Jim in the office.  She had tried a few of her own while he was away, but it was never as much fun. 

When Ryan wouldn’t give Jim his old desk back, Pam nearly jumped out of her chair.  She frowned as Jim sat down at his new desk, his back to her.

The morning had progressed slowly; Pam had trouble concentrating on anything besides the back of Jim’s head.  All she could think of was how soft his hair had been in her hands that night.  That night.

She sat next to him during Michael’s orientation and was so happy to have things back to normal.  She didn’t think twice when Karen tapped him on the back and handed him a piece of gum.

After the meeting was over, Pam saw Jim get up and walk into the break room.  Now is my chance she thought and got up to follow him.  She was surprised when she saw him choose bottled water from the machine instead of his normal grape soda, and commented to him on it.  She didn’t think anything of it when he told her he was evolving and went ahead with her plan.  She tried to act casual as she invited him to get a coffee with her, hoping that it would give her the chance to tell him all the things she had wanted to say for so long.  When he rejected her offer and then left shortly after to get back to work?, she began to wonder what was going on. 

She went back to her desk, feeling a bit deflated.  Things weren’t going as she had planned at all.  After answering a few voicemails and playing two games of FreeCell, she looked at the clock on her computer.  It was 11:25, almost time for lunch.  She knew Jim liked to eat lunch early at around 11:30, so she got up and walked quietly into the kitchen. 

She opened the refrigerator and pulled out two brown sack lunches.  As she sat them on the counter, she thought she saw Jim out of the corner of her eye.  She turned just in time to see him as he pulled on his coat and walked out of the office, followed by Karen. 

She looked down at the two brown paper bags sitting on the counter in front of her and felt foolish.  It was stupid of her to think Jim would want to eat lunch with her today after having no contact for months. 

She grabbed the two bags and walked quickly through the office to Creed’s desk.  He looked up at her through his bifocals as she plopped the bag marked with a little purple J down on his desk, the can of grape soda inside making a loud clink as it hit the wood.  “Here.” She said and walked back to reception.  She sat down and pulled out the mixed berries yogurt she had brought for herself.  She opened it up and sadly put a spoonful in her mouth.

A minute later Creed came up to her desk, “What is this?” he asked, holding the sandwich open in his hands.

“Ham and cheese,” Pam replied.

“Hmm, it tastes like chicken.” He said and walked away.

            Pam’s day only got worse from that point on.  After seeing Karen affectionately rub Jim’s back in the parking lot that afternoon, Pam just wanted to go home.  When the end of the day finally came, she wanted nothing more than to leave but had to stay late to get some last minute faxes out.

            She rejoiced when it was finally her turn to go home.  As she walked across the dark parking lot, all she could think of was Karen’s hand on Jim’s back.  She felt sick.  Jim’s voice startled her. 

She didn’t know how to respond when he told her he was “sort of seeing someone” so she said the first thing that popped into her head.  Looking back, she realized her answer had been out of habit.  Her and Jim were friends.  They’d always be friends.

That was two weeks ago.  She hadn’t spoken to him or looked at him since then.  She couldn’t.  She didn’t think her heart could handle it.  It wasn’t that she wasn’t looking at him at all, she was, every chance she got, she just couldn’t bring herself to look him in the eye.  She was scared of what she might see there.  Several times she had almost been caught looking at him, but was able to look away quick enough at the last second. 

Today was different.  This time when he turned to look at her, she didn’t flinch or turn away.  She didn’t have the energy.  She just stared.  Stared into those beautiful eyes that used to be so full of love for her.  They looked different now.  They were filled with questions, full of hurt and confusion.

Pam shook her head to clear away the picture of his eyes in her mind.  Her pulse had finally returned to normal, so she stood up and grabbed her jacket from the coat rack.  She took a deep breath and walked out of the office, scared as hell of what tomorrow might bring.