So much for writing that letter, Pam thought as she stared at the back of Jim's neck. She was hoping his skin would start to burn just above his collar from her lethal glare. She had been trying it for a few days now, but it still wasn't working.
Any time she took a break from that, all Pam could think about was that stupid letter she wrote. When they got back into the office on the Monday after she gave it to him, Jim gave her his usual morning brush-off. Tuesday was more of the same. Wednesday she ran into him in the kitchen and curiosity got the best of her.
She watched him pour his coffee as she grabbed her yogurt out of the fridge.
"Um...so...did you read the letter I gave you?" she asked tentatively.
"Yeah," he said nonchalantly before quickly walking out the door.
You're such an ass, she thought as she watched him go back to his desk.
She had no idea what all that was about, but it had been a week since she handed him that parchment and the only other conversation they had had was about the FedEx schedule. All she knew about him that entire week was that he read the letter and he needed to get something to corporate by 10 a.m. the next morning.
Everyone left around 5 o'clock that Friday afternoon -- she noticed Jim and Karen leave at different times, but didn't really care. She stuck around for an extra hour getting all her work done at a quick clip now that Jim's neck wasn't there to distract her.
She finally finished the last of her files a little past six o'clock and shut down her computer. As she was about to turn the lights off, Pam heard the door open. She turned to see Jim walking into the office. He probably just forgot something, she thought bitterly as she took her hand off the light switches and walked past him as quickly as possible with her head down so she wouldn't have to see him. She got as far as the doorway before she heard his voice behind her.
"I've been waiting outside by your car for the last hour."
"Sorry?" she asked, turning toward him.
"I was waiting for you to leave so I could talk to you about your letter."
"What about it?" she asked, a bit defensively.
"It sounded like something I read in my high school English lit class."
"Oh," she said, a bit dejected. Of all the things to say about her letter, that's what he had to say.
He smiled a little at her. "I liked that. It was very...regal?" He scrunched his nose up a bit and rubbed the back of his neck. "Why can't we always talk like that?" he asked her.
"Regally?"
"No, um....I knew there was a reason I avoided talking about this," he said, sounding more like he was just talking to himself than Pam. "This is all coming out wrong."
"What is?" she asked him.
He looked over at her, then dropped his bag on the ground and sank into the grey couch by her desk. She watched him put his face in his hands before lowering them enough so she could see his expression again. He looked weary. "We're never good at saying what needs to be said, are we?"
Pam laughed slightly and felt the feeling come back to her legs. She walked over and sank down at the other end of the couch, folding her foot underneath her. "That sounds about right."
He looked over at her with this warm glow in his eyes. "I mean, your letter was so...I dunno. I've read it at least once a day since you gave it to me. I got so wrapped up in it that first night that I kept reading it over and over and completely forgot about..." His expression immediately changed and he looked down at the carpet, letting a silence fall between them.
"You forgot about Karen," Pam said, finishing his sentence for him.
"Yeah. We had dinner plans that night."
"I bet she wasn't happy about that."
"No," he said quietly.
Of course , Pam thought. Despite all of it, she still couldn't compete with Karen. "Well, I don't want to get you in trouble for a second week in a row," she said curtly, starting to push herself off the couch.
"We broke up," she heard him say.
"Oh," Pam replied, sinking back into her spot.
"And I mean, it wasn't just because of you or the letter or anything. It just...you were right. She didn't make me happy."
"I'm sorry," she said. "You do know that I didn't mean to hurt you when I said that?"
"Yeah."
He exhaled deeply and leaned back against the couch. "How did we get here?" he asked. "Maybe we should just stick with writing letters to each other for the rest of our lives."
Pam smiled. "I don't think that's going to work."
Jim looked over at her again with a serious expression on his face. "I have to at least tell you I am sorry, exceedingly so. I got so wrapped up in everything after that night and everything that happened... All I remembered was walking away from you and it just hurt me too much to even think about you after that."
"And I'm sorry you had to hear about me cancelling the wedding from someone else."
"Yeah, it probably would have been easier coming from you than Kevin."
She looked at him a little shocked. "Wait, Phyllis said she emailed you. How...how did you hear it from Kevin?"
He laughed. "We were doing preseason fantasy football picks and he mentioned you were as hot as a Dallas Cowboys cheerleader after dumping Roy. I emailed Phyllis after that. But yeah, still shocking."
"That I was as hot as a cheerleader?" she asked sarcastically.
"I knew that already," he said, a quick smirk on his face. "No, that you dumped Roy after you told me you weren't going to." He looked down at his hands again. "Like I said, you were right. I should have given you more time."
"And I should have called."
The office became quiet with only the fluorescent lights buzzing above them and a few random computers humming around the room.
"Pam?"
"Yeah?"
"When did you first realize you loved me?"
She tried to think about it, but came up empty-handed. "You know, I can't remember the hour, or the spot, or the look, or the words. I was just in the middle before I knew that I had begun."
He smiled. "I feel the same way about you."
"And you never gave up on me."
"Well, you never gave up on me either," he replied.
"I got a little hopeless at times, but then something would happen and I would realize that I couldn't give up on you."
He looked at her quizzically. "Like what?"
"Karen told me you guys talked and that you said we had kissed."
"And that made you hopeful? That I told Karen we had kissed?"
She smiled at him. "She said you told her that it was 'just a kiss.' I know enough about you that I was certain that if you had been absolutely, irrevocably against me, you wouldn't have lied to Karen about our kiss."
"And you would be right," he said. "It was alot more than that."
They smiled at each other and Jim shook his head a little. "What a mess," Pam heard him utter under his breath.
"So listen," he said, becoming more animated. "I was kind of standing outside for awhile and this conversation got a bit intense and now I'm hungry. Would you want to maybe go get a bite to eat?"
"Oh...um..."
Jim quickly started to stammer. "If you have plans, I mean, that's ok. I was just seeing if...I mean, we can go another time."
"No, I um...I had a date with my Tivo tonight, but that can easily be rearranged," she said sarcastically.
"Oh. Good!" Jim pushed himself off the couch and reached out his hand to help Pam up. "Anywhere in particular?"
"Somewhere fast and cheap."
Jim smirked. "That's what's she said."
"I hate you," she said in a tone that sounded more like I love you more and more everyday.
"What about that diner down the street? You know, that one with the green awning?"
"Pemberley's."
"Yes! How could I forget that? They only have the best grilled cheese in Scranton."
Pam looked quietly at him. "You were gone for awhile," she said, only sort of referring to the grilled cheese.
Jim put his bag on his shoulder and smiled. "It's good to be back," he said quietly.
As they were about to walk out, Jim went over to look at Pam's painting hanging on the wall. "You know, now that we're talking and all, I have to ask you about this."
"What about it?" she said, moving to stand next to him.
He gave her a contemplative look. "I never understood why you painted it. I mean, you could paint anything in the world -- flowers, trees, whatever -- and you did a picture of our office building."
She looked over at the painting and smiled. "I did a painting of the parking lot. The building's just in the background."
She knew she didn't have to explain it any further as she walked over and turned off the lights in the room. Jim followed her our silently, locking the door behind him. As they got on the elevator, Pam kept thinking about that night when Jim had put it on the line for her. He looked over at her and sliding her hand into his, she leaned over and kissed him gently. She lingered on his warm chapped lips until she heard the elevator doors slide open. He squeezed her hand and didn't let go as they walked out into the crisp night.
It was a small gesture, but after tonight, she knew she would have plenty of time to go further.
* * *
"OK, my husband is in the right seat, my daughter is having a great time with the baby-sitter, and the flowers are all set up."
Pam looked over to see Liz walking in to the room, looking gorgeous in her light green bridesmaid's dress. "Good. I'm glad your husband's in the right seat for my wedding."
Liz answered in a sing-song sarcastic voice. "Well, this is your wedding day so we all know it's all about me," she said. "Oh, and Dwight is taking his job as usher very seriously."
Pam thought about Dwight directing people in the church with his grandfather's tuxedo that he insisted on wearing. She wished she could go out there to thank him, but was already in her dress so it was probably better not to.
"So is there anything else you need?" Liz asked.
"Oh, yeah! Can you do me a favor and run something over to Jim?"
Pam reached into her wedding bag and carefully pulled out a letter. It was written on parchment with the fountain pen she used two years ago for the first one. "Tell him he has to read this before the ceremony," she instructed.
"What kind of monster have I created?" Liz said, rolling her eyes as she walked out the door with the letter in hand.
In the few years she had spent with Jim, Pam learned that sometimes it was just easier to say what needed to be said on paper.
Author's Chapter Notes:
A shout out to Jane Austen, who I borrowed a few lines from for this chapter. I don't own her or any of the characters below.
sharky is the author of 26 other stories.
This story is a favorite of 9 members. Members who liked Darcy's Letter also liked 2069 other stories.
