You go to work each morning and it’s the same.  The same office, the same people, the same luke-warm imitation coffee.  You go to work and watch.  Watch and wait for something to happen in someone else’s life that yet another someone might happen to want to see. 

You spend your days watching other people fumble over themselves and wade through life without having to actually live your own. 

Back in your own life you don’t own a pot or pan, save for the one that you cook ramen noodles in on occasion.  You do nearly all of your cooking on a second-hand George Foreman grill, except for that period last year after Michael’s “accident” when the thought of cooking on it made you feel queasy inside and you could almost smell the mix of burnt flesh and Country Crock butter. 

You spend your nights with inspiration.  With directors like Alfonso Cuarón and Michel Gondry.  

You don’t even have cable.  You despise reality television.  You know there are approximately 2700 miles between Scranton and Los Angeles.

You take this job to “pay your dues,” to give you a step in the right direction, and now it’s been three years and you’re still waiting to figure out exactly what step comes next. 

There’s a day when you just can’t take it anymore, when you want to go ahead and tell Gary to go ahead and shove the camera up his ass.  That night you type up your letter of resignation, and you print out those MapQuest directions to L.A.  Screw the recommendation, screw Gary, screw Pennsylvania. 

But that’s the day that she walks through the door and changes your mind. 

You certainly didn’t miss Jim while he was gone.  Sure, sometimes you joke around with him and sometimes he makes the day just a little easier to get through, but you think that maybe he’s always reminded you a little too much of yourself.  And so, when he walks through that door just a few months after finally moving on, you feel a little bit of your own ambition (your own dreams) slip away. 

But the first time you get to film her (just her), that part of you that actually wants to fight for what you want starts to itch.

Before her they never let you ask the questions on your own.  But she won’t open up to any of the other guys, just you. 

And you know that because once, Patrick tries to ask her if she and Jim are having a fight.  She starts to answer, but closes down and looks away from the unforgiving eye of the camera. 

She says, “Can I talk to Paul?”

It was just that.  Five insignificant words that you’ve grasped for every day since.  You have a copy of that interview at home, which you watch whenever you’re feeling particularly alone or uninspired.  It makes you feel a little bit like a creep, but not enough to actually care.

So now, whenever you interview her it’s just the two of you.  And, alright, she’s usually talking about Jim, but once, just once, you break out from your “impartial third-party” status and make her laugh. 

That is a pretty good day. 

Jim is alright.  The camera loves him so Gary is always pushing you to keep him in the shot, to catch every face that he makes for it.  But you start to hate him.  Hate the way he tries not to look over at Pam, hate the way he is so incredibly terrible at hiding it, hate the way he makes the light in Karen’s eyes dull with every inconsiderate glance toward reception. 

Jim and Pam are what Gary has termed “reality-gold.”  They are his muse, his meal-ticket to fame and success with his poorly conceived project, and they don’t even know it.  Once you even hear him remark that he wants this to be the next Cheers. 

Cheers?  Who is he trying to fucking kid anyway?

It’s the day of Oscar’s party that you glimpse the light at the end of the increasingly painful tunnel.  The day when she, like any self-respecting woman, asks him if he has feelings for another woman. 

He says yes. 

You want to follow her, to comfort her, to tell her that moving to Scranton isn’t a wash just because of some asshole paper salesman and his ridiculous roundabout romance.  

But you don’t.  You hide behind the machinery weighing on your shoulder.  You think that maybe she’s finally come to her senses.

She hasn’t. 

Gary walks up to you a few days later and tells you to go film Jim in the conference room.  “Go find out why he’s tired,” he says. 

You want to say no, but then again you also want to know and you end up doing it anyways. 

That’s the day, when Jim’s sitting there almost rolling his eyes while he’s talking about talking, that’s the day you finally start (in Angela's words) to grow a pair. 

You call Pam in next and ask her flat out what she thinks is going on.  This girl needs a push more than anyone, but she certainly isn’t making things easy. 

At the wedding you decide to redirect your focus back to Jim and so you ask him a not-so-hypothetical question that Pam eventually sabotages and it blows up in your face.

You ask Jim what he thinks of Roy and Pam getting back together.  He says that he doesn’t and you almost start to believe him. 

When she tricks him into thinking she’s dated half of the Dunder-Mifflin roster she gets you too and, while Jim rolls his eyes at her, you think you fall a little bit more in love. 

That’s when you go to Michael. 

Maybe Jim and Pam can’t be manipulated out of their rut, but you know without a doubt that you can probably convince Michael to say or do just about anything. 

You remember last year how Michael was talking about Comic Relief and you manage to casually remind him that this year’s Red Nose Day is on the 16th.   Today is the 15th and Michael pretty much turns the office upside down in preparation for the big day. 

“What’s Red Nose Day?” Pam plays pretty much right into your hands.

You explain about raising money for the charity around the office, and how everyone does something to contribute.  As planned, you list off options that she would never choose like performing a skit, or doing a dance, or getting someone to sponsor you to hop around all day on one foot. 

“One year I worked at this office where the receptionist sold kisses for a few dollars,” you say.  Truthfully, you’ve never even been in an office where they’ve done Red Nose Day.  In fact, you’re pretty sure they only do this in the UK, but Pam doesn’t know that, and Michael certainly doesn’t either. 

She gets this kind of far off look that lets you know that just maybe it worked. 

Now Michael is running around the office with a red clown nose on his face and Kevin’s sporting last year’s Halloween costume.  Dwight’s brought in a dead squirrel to demonstrate his extensive knowledge of taxidermy, which Toby promptly forces him to remove from the office. 

As you hoped, Pam’s got a hand-drawn sign propped up on her desk next to a bowl.  Her hair is straighter than usual and she’s sporting a nice rose-colored sweater. 

Kevin’s already paid for three quick kisses today, Michael for two (he stops after two, claiming that his girlfriend might get jealous, and Pam does not appear disappointed).  Dwight pays for one, but asks for just a quick one on the cheek as Angela peers over the cubicle partition.  Angela brings in brownies.

Jim avoids Pam’s desk for most of the day.  He tells the camera later that he thinks the whole thing is stupid to begin with. 

Andy (in his newfound attempt to win over the office) enlists Karen to perform an impromptu disco dance with him for the office and Jim walks around collecting money in return for stealing and hiding as many of Dwight’s personal affects as he can manage before the end of the day. 

You start to get nervous as the day draws to a close.  Jim’s barely made eye contact with her, let alone much of anything else.  You sort of want to throw the camera at his head for ruining everything. 

“How did you manage to hide his desk chair?” Karen giggles, looking at the blank slate that is now Dwight’s desk as Dwight rummages around the office in search of his belongings.

Jim shrugs dismissively and says something to make her walk away.  Your muscles start to itch under the weight of the camera.  You really really hate that guy. 

You’re filming your last shot of the day, listening to Michael drone on about all the money he’s raised for the orphans that Angelina Jolie hasn’t gotten around to adopting yet when you see it. 

Jim’s standing by reception, he puts a few dollars in the bowl. 

You don’t even pretend like you’re still listening to Michael. 

“You might have to come around the desk,” Pam smiles in that nervous and flustered way she has when she's trying to flirt.

“Oh, you don’t actually have to...” Jim motions to the sign.  “I mean, it’s for charity and… whatever.”

He turns to walk back to his desk and just when you think that the whole day is a wash, Pam proves to you that maybe she really is just a little bit fancier. 

“You paid, you have to get your kiss,” she says and leans across the desk, placing her hands on either side of his face. 

Their lips touch and the kiss is simple and chaste.  To any onlooker it might seem meaningless.  Jim manages to sneak in another quick peck (as though he can’t really help himself because, really, it’s obvious that he can’t and that he never could) before pulling back. 

You wish a little that she hadn’t been there to see it, or that she hadn’t noticed, but you know for a fact that it’s pretty hard not to notice something going on when three cameras swing to point in the same direction.

They're both still standing there, like two teenagers on a doorstep after a first date, and Karen is the first to walk away, retreating into the break room. 

“Karen,” Jim starts to say, but doesn’t follow her. 

“Jim,” Pam says softly and he looks to her instead.   She tilts her head toward the door and he follows behind her, instantly reverting back to the same hapless fool he’s been trying to escape from these past months.

It barely registers that Gary is yelling at you to “get your ass out there!”  You look at him once and set your camera down. 

Gary gives you a “what the fuck?” look that you skillfully ignore as you retrace her hurried footsteps. 

“Oh my god, they’re totally making out!” Kelly narrates from the front of the office, poking her head out into the hallway as two other camera guys rush past her.

You take a deep breath before pushing open the break room door, and it’s in that moment that you realize you probably don’t deserve her.