Pam sat at her desk, fiddling with her mouse and clicking absently between tabs as she tried to distract herself from thoughts that'd been taking over too much of her head. Two weeks ago she'd told Roy about Casino Night, and he hadn't been happy. What an understatement; it had basically been one of the worst nights of her whole life. She'd been afraid that Roy would come after Jim, but it was all empty threats. There had been no horrible confrontation. She knew Roy had seriously considered it, but that probably someone down in the warehouse had talked him out of it, knowing the job was more important. Besides, did he really have to be so immature? Couldn't he be adult and express his emotions in a non-physical way, for once? Pam couldn't remember a time when he'd been really emotional, save a few teary occasions after the break-up. Those moments had hurt her, to know how much he was hurting. Her head was filled with guilt and Roy and Roy and guilt until she noticed someone taking some jellybeans from her candy dish. But it was not the large, friendly figure she used to see frequently hovering over her, but someone more delicate.

"Pam," said a cool voice she knew to be Karen's.

"Hey," she replied, looking up with a slight, but genuine smile.

"Listen, I feel like things have been like weird for the past few weeks and I honestly don't know what's up. I mean you don't have to talk about it, I just was wondering why you were so tense. And if you want someone to talk to, you know, I'm here."

It was nice to hear, but so strange coming from Karen. She was quite like him, really. "It's really not something I can--" she thought for a moment, took a deep breath and replied "yeah, actually, I would like someone to talk to. That would be really nice." She was shy, but feeling oddly defiant. Fancy New Beesly was going to be honest, for once. She owed Karen that much.

"Cool. You want to meet for lunch?"

"Yeah, um, maybe somewhere a little more... private?" She knew this could get either very emotional or very ugly.

Karen was obviously oblivious to what might unfold, but seemed to understand nonetheless and nodded sympathetically. "Maybe IHOP?" she asked quietly.

Pam smiled. "Pancakes would totally make me feel better."

Karen seemed pleased with the arrangements and headed back to her desk. She had not been oblivious to the tension between her and Jim; there was something obviously there, though Jim assured her it was nothing to worry about. She didn't, for the most part, so there was no reason to be cold to Pam. Besides, she was pretty much one of the only sane ones in the office. She seemed pretty cool, actually, if not a little too reserved.

Noon rolled around and Karen was at Jim's desk, telling him she was going out for lunch. He didn't seem too disappointed, but he did seem a bit shocked and maybe a little sad when he heard Pam was going too. He hid it well, but Karen couldn't help feeling a little hurt. This was starting to feel like some sort of twisted love triangle and she was the one out of the loop. Maybe they all were. Maybe it wasn't even a 'love triangle' at all; if it was, it was ridiculously understated.

Maybe lunch with Pam would clear things up.

"You ready for pancakes?" Karen asked warmly, grabbing her coat.

"Definitely," Pam replied, her nervousness showing. This was it. Maybe she wasn't ready for it, but she knew it had to come out. Karen had asked her if she had feelings for Jim, and she had lied. That's not what friends do. They don't lie. That's not what Fancy New Beesly does either, is it? No. New Pam tells the truth.

They had just ordered when Karen finally asked what was bugging her. That was why they were here, right?

Pam felt the anxiety pit in her stomach and crawl up to her throat, willing her to be silent. No. She was going to press on. "Okay," she managed meekly. "I know this is like out of the blue and all, but I just need you to know-- first of all, that I really like you Karen. I don't ever want to hurt you and if I say anything that does, that was not my intention. I mean, I know we're not that close, but it's obvious you're really cool and I hope--" she felt herself rambling as she saw Karen's expression grow more confused and worried so she stopped herself. Deep breath. Continue. "It's just that I want to be more honest now. I told myself I was going to be. And the other night, well, that backfired. But that's not what I'm here to tell you, even thought you think it is..." God could she possible be wording this any more horribly? Decidedly not. "Okay maybe I should start with that."

Karen was anxious, but remained calm. She was so damn good at keeping calm. "Start wherever you want," she offered, a twinge of nervous rigidity in her tone.

"Okay. Well, the night you and Jim went to that party, the rest of the office went out to Poor Richards. I'm actually really surprised nobody's mentioned it but I guess it was just so much it's like taboo now or something... or maybe they have talked about it just not to me because like why would they talk to me about it?" She was rambling again. Dammit, Beesly! "Sorry. I mean obviously they haven't talked to you about it, either. What happened was, well, I told Roy about... I don't know if Jim has told you, I mean I think he has but I don't know... I told him about--"

"Who is Roy, again?"

Oh Jesus it was worse than she expected. God, was she going to have to start at the beginning? Maybe it would be better to start at the end. God, she didn't know. "Roy... he was my fiancee."

"Wait, Roy from the warehouse?" She was more than a little shocked. Pam nodded timidly and Karen tried not to get distracted by the thought that she'd once suggested she go out with him. How terribly awkward! But she had to focus.

"Yeah we went out for like 10 years. And I always planned on marrying him. Anyway, we broke up... after... well, has Jim told you all about this? I mean I know... I know you know we kissed."

"Yeah he said that's all there was..."

Oh god Pam really couldn't continue with this. It was too much, it was not her place to step in. And all she'd wanted to do was make things right for once. Maybe not make them right, but at least do the right thing. Be honest. Reach out to a friend and let her know what she needed to hear. With maybe some ulterior motives tucked away in the back of her mind. "I think... I can't--"

"Just go on, Pam. I can handle it. It's good. I mean, I want to know." She looked so sincere and behind that, so worried and sad. Why was this so hard? Of course they both knew why it was. Even if it was just dawning on Karen.

"Okay, well... Jim should really be the one telling you this, but... this is background to what I really need to tell you." She paused, wondering how to word this. She decided to just go with it. "Jim and I worked together for three years. And we were best friends." Her eyes was staring decidedly at the maple syrup. "And then one night-- no, not like that. There was more. More too our friendship. It wasn't just platonic and he knew it and I pretended I didn't. I had to, I mean, I was marrying Roy; Roy was all I ever wanted. But then it wasn't, and I didn't realize it until that night... right before he transferred. He told me he was in love with me." There that was. "And I told him I couldn't. Which was the truth--" she stopped herself from saying 'at the time', at least for now. "And then he came back later and... well, kissed me." A flush rose from her toes to her cheeks, the tears now spilling out of her eyes, which were still unable to look at Karen. "But I was still going to marry Roy. At least, that's what I told Jim-- and what I believed. Anyway he left me and moved on and I was left here, the same old Pam. Except I completely wasn't because he made me rethink what my life could be. And it made me realize I didn't want--" she willed herself to push through this story. She had never been this open about this ever, except perhaps more subtly with her mother. And now with Karen? But it felt good, like a release, and she couldn't stop now. The tension grew palpable in her silence. "I didn't want Roy," she finally murmured. "But I didn't want Jim either. I just wanted time to sort things out. I wasn't ready. And then when I was, you were here, and I was too late. And anyway what I came here to tell you is that I lied. You asked me if I had feelings for Jim, and I said no, but that's not at all true. It's not fair to you to keep that from you. And it's like totally not my intention to break you up. That is not what I want to do. I know I'm too late; I get it. I just... I wanted you to know. Before things could get like awkward or ugly or something. And just because you'd asked and--" she stopped suddenly, physically unable to continue.

They were silent for a few moments before Pam looked up at Karen and saw the tears rolling down her cheeks. Karen was so strong, so aggressive and the opposite of Pam. It hurt to see her so... broken.

"I-- I had no idea, Pam," she finally choked. "I just... wow. You've really been through a lot." Pam didn't know exactly to whom exactly she was referring, but accepted the comfort.

"I am so, so sorry--"

"Don't be, this is-- this is just what I needed. God, Jim is such a fucking asshole," she choked with a giggle.

"I know," Pam replied, allowing herself to laugh just a little bit.

"I mean, gives the girl he loves like 2 seconds to decide who she wants and then when the answer's not immediately right just leaves her in the dust?" Wow, Karen understood Pam's side of things?

"I know and just like jumping into a new relationship with a great girl and not telling her any of it? Just pretending it's a non-issue?"

They were laughing through the tears, trying not to get too overly emotional in such a public place, but even if they were subtle, they drew quite some attention. After a few moments silence, Karen finally jumped in. "You need to talk to him," she said bluntly-- sadly.

Pam paused, looking worried. "No... maybe I do, but it's over, so like what good would that do?" She let out a sad laugh. "He's clearly done with me, and now I don't even have him as my best friend anymore." Her teary eyes went back to the syrup.

Karen struggled for composure, took a deep breath, and said something Pam hadn't anticipated. "I'm not going to be that girl." Pam looked confused. "I won't be. I can't do that to myself or either of you." She looked up. "Talk to him."

"But--"

"No, Pam, just-- I can't be in this place anymore. He's not giving our relationship everything, and clearly he's been lying." She was really crying now, her efforts at keeping cool slowly disintegrating. "I'm not going to do that. I can't keep doing it."

"You're happy together," Pam offered meekly, but even she knew that wasn't the complete truth.

"We are, sometimes, but I'm not going to be the one to get in the way. If you two are really... in love--" The words burned on her tongue. "Then... you should..." she trailed off. "I'm not mad at you," she added after a pause. "And I won't be mad if you talk to him. I want you to."

Pam swallowed, touched and a bit taken aback by Karen's offered. She truly hadn't expected it. She simply nodded, then added, "If I do talk to him, and he feels the same way-- which trust me I am not expecting-- I mean..."

"You have my permission to fuck him," Karen interrupted.

Pam looked wide-eyed at her, "No, that's not what I--"

"It's okay. Look, just whatever happens, let it happen. You can forget me." Her words sounded so sad.

Pam couldn't believe how Karen was taking this. Clearly she was upset-- broken, even, but she wasn't mad. And if she was, it certainly wasn't toward Pam. "I'm really sorry Karen. This wasn't my place to tell you, I don't think. I was trying to do the right thing and--"

"You did." She paused. "Where the hell are our pancakes?"

Pam giggled and noted that she'd seen the waitress with their order walk right on past, afraid to interrupt.

"Well, that was probably wise. I don't think I can eat now, anyway."

"Me neither," Pam meekly replied.

They ended up paying for food they didn't eat and headed back to the office, aware they had overextended their lunch break. Pam tried desperately to let Karen go home; she'd tell Michael she'd gotten sick, it would be fine; but Karen seemed adamant to return. Pam didn't know how she was supposed to handle the rest of the day, and she wasn't the one who'd been devastated. What a day, honestly!

They walked in together, idly chatting about topics that made them smile, fighting back the emotions. Jim looked up curiously but didn't say anything. He was on the phone, anyway. Pam was whispering something to Karen that he couldn't hear, and he noticed a sadness in the nod Karen gave back. Pam was looking oddly anxious. He forced himself to turn away from the scene and focus back on his call.

As the day passed on, he saw almost nothing of Karen. When he tried to catch her eye, she looked away. Something had obviously happened at lunch. But they had come back looking so close... which was odd. What the hell had happened?

He spent the rest of the day wondering until finally he felt a slight figure above him, begging his attention. But it was Pam, not Karen as he'd expected, looming above. "What's up?" he attempted casually.

"Um, I kind of need to talk to you," she said, fidgeting with her skirt.

"Okay."

"No, I mean like... privately." Her hand was on her necklace now, playing with it anxiously.

"Oh," was all he managed. Now he was getting anxious. "Sure, of course."

"Okay. Um, do you want to like... meet in the breakroom? Like after work?" It seemed like such an odd place, but she really couldn't think of anywhere else. "I know that's like weird, but it's just... it's kind of personal. I'll explain later." She giggled nervously. "Obviously."

"I should talk to Karen--"

"No," Pam replied quickly. "I mean, she knows." She couldn't bring herself to say more than that, but Jim understood. And he was really fucking confused.

"Okay."

"Okay."

"So I'll see you later, then?"

"Right." She turned around quickly and walked back to her desk, but certainly would be unable to focus the rest of the day. Luckily they only had about a half hour before people would start filtering out.

An hour later, everyone was gone except for Dwight.

"You never stay late," Dwight commented rudely.

"Well today I have a lot of work to do," Jim replied casually, not looking up from his computer, pretending he was doing more than typing dirty words into a spreadsheet.

"Are you trying to outdo me?" Dwight asked suspiciously. "I notice Pam is here too. Are you two up to something?"

"No, Dwight, just working. You know this is an office, right?"

Dwight raised an eyebrow and turned to Pam. "Are you and Jim just waiting for me to leave?" he asked seriously.

"I don't know," Pam replied a bit angrily, tired of having waited in anxious frustration for this long, "Are you and Angela just waiting for us to leave?"

"Angela?!" Jim replied without thinking, turning quickly towards accounting to see the woman in question looking flustered and upset-- an unusual look for her. Jim whipped back around to Pam, who rose her eyebrow begging him not to push it. The room filled with a terrible silence.

"Uh, I think I'll just go to my car now," Pam announced awkwardly, breaking the tension. She motioned to Jim, still stunned, and he quickly followed.

Once they were in the elevator, Jim couldn't help himself. "Dwight and Angela?!" he exclaimed. Pam nodded, wanting to laugh but not really wanting to focus on that right now. "How... you suspected this all along, didn't you? I remember! Jesus Pam, how long? Since then? That was like over a year ago! And you've kept this from me?" He was rambling, still in disbelief. "They probably wanted us to leave so he could have her on his desk!"

"Well--" Pam began.

"Oh God, forget it. Forget I said anything." She held back a laugh. "Forget it, seriously, just--- oh man, are you picturing it?"

She was really laughing now. "No, no, I am definitely not picturing it," she replied.

"Oh God," Jim laughed, "This is worse than picturing my parents--" He stopped himself, wincing again.

"You're picturing that now aren't you!" She accused playfully. "Making sweet, sweet love!"

"You better stop before this--" He threw his hands up over his face. "No, no, no. No. No. I am not going to think about this anymore." The elevator doors opened and they stepped off, Jim still desperately trying not to imagine the things he was imagining. Pam was just laughing, unable to contain herself.

"This is the worst mental imagine I have ever had. Ever." His face was serious, but behind it was a softness. She was still laughing and he started to, too. "Don't make light of this, this is seriously scarring!"

"What, Dwight and Angela going at it in the office or your parents?"

"Shut. UP." He was cringing and she was certainly enjoying it. They were ambling about, but had to stop when they realized they didn't have a destination. "So," he finally said. "What's the plan? Since our initial one was clearly shot to hell."

She giggling lightly, but was brought back too harshly to the reality of what was to pass. At least things were a little less serious now-- easier. "Um, well... this probably sounds weird, but maybe you could just, like--" She paused, considering it. "Forget it, I don't know."

"What were you going to suggest?" he pushed.

She decided to go with it. "I was going to say my apartment but that would be totally weird, right?" He didn't respond. "But I guess I don't know where else to go..."

"I don't mind," he offered nervously. "I am of course ignorant to subject of our discourse, so I can only imagine that such a location would prove adequate."

"Oh, look who went to college." Damn, he was so good at lightening the mood. She easily added, "Okay, then I guess you can just follow me?"

"Sounds like a plan, Beesly." He grabbed his keys and turned to his car.

If only the rest of this could go so easily...