“4. Watch the negative space.”

It was always a tough challenge for Pam to know when not to paint something.

Negative space implied emptiness. She seemed to feel so empty these days. Jim was around, but he wasn’t present in her life anymore. He was just... there.

“You have no idea how long I’ve wanted to do that,” Jim smiled. She couldn’t help but smile, too. His kiss had literally made her brain stop working. She knew there was a reason she shouldn’t be kissing him...

“Me too,” she was being honest. She gazed up at him. She had thought about what it would be like to kiss Jim before, several times. Usually when Roy was being a dick.

Roy.

“I think we’re just drunk,” she said. She was lying to him. But it worked the last time they kissed, so what the hell?

His eyes changed. “I’m not drunk. Are you drunk?” She could tell he knew she wasn’t. She couldn’t get anything past him. Except, apparently, the way she really felt about him.

“No.” She couldn’t lie to Jim twice in five seconds. Her eyes softened, and he was leaning in to kiss her again.

“Jim.” She stared at him, dumbfounded. He backed off and looked at her. There were a hundred emotions within her but the one at the forefront was her fight or flight response. She chose flight.

He knew it. “You’re really going to marry him?” He looked positively heartbroken. Her entire body went numb. She couldn’t speak anymore, so she gave the most non-committal response she could, which was a nod. She was nodding, and he was saying “okay,” and she was feeling him slip away, physically and figuratively, and she still couldn’t speak. Before she even knew what she had done, he was gone.

She stood alone in front of his desk. She wanted to go after him, even in that moment, and explain to him that something in her brain had actually exploded and she couldn’t think straight. She needed time to process everything he was saying to her with that kiss... that he loved her, more than just a friend, and he wanted to be with her, and her alone.

Did she want to be with Roy? God, she didn’t even know anymore. There was suddenly another option on the table, and that had never happened to her before. Roy had always been her only option.

Didn’t Jim understand that? Didn’t he realize that, with those words he had said to her in the parking lot, he had turned her world upside down? Couldn’t he tell she did love him by the way she kissed him back? That she’d probably rather lose anything in the world than him?

She looked at the clock on Jim’s desk. It was 11:53. She had noticed the clock said 11:21 when she hung up with her mom. She didn’t know if they had been kissing that long or if she’d been standing here alone that long. Everything was a blur.

She felt sick. She wanted to get home to Roy, suddenly felt the need to be reassured she had made the right decision. If she had made one at all.

She had asked Jim earlier to give her a ride home when Roy told her he wanted to leave. “Keep an eye on her, Halpert,” Roy had said. Jim had effectively stranded her here, but she wasn’t mad at him. How could she be?

She got a ride from Ryan and Kelly. She was dead silent in the back seat, trying to keep it together. Kelly, of course, wouldn’t shut up, so for once she was grateful to be in the same car as her. Kelly’s hand was on the back of Ryan’s neck, her fingers twirling in his hair. Pam closed her eyes because it made her think of her hands in Jim’s hair. In spite of herself, she let her imagination wander. Not ten seconds had gone by when she admitted to herself that she wanted him. She wanted him badly.

It didn’t matter that Roy was his usual just-barely-good-enough self. Pam picked up the phone and set it down at least a dozen times over the weekend. She wanted to talk to Jim, since she knew he was hurting. But she didn’t want to call him. She wanted to be able to see him, to look into his eyes when she told him that yes, she loved him too, and she would rather be his.

Monday morning she got into work at 9 am. Michael was already in his office, and he looked busy (she could hardly believe it) so she didn’t disturb him. 9:15 rolled around and Jim still hadn’t come into work. 9:45. 10:00. At 10:30 the curiosity was killing her. Did he think it would be so awkward he called in sick? She certainly hadn’t heard from him that morning.

She knocked on Michael’s door.

“Come in!” She walked in and saw Michael at his desk. He looked a little frazzled, but in good spirits. “Pam-a-lam-a-ding-dong! Good morning!”

“Hi, Michael. Did you have a good weekend?”

“Ha! Yes, indeed, Pam, I had an absolutely phenomenal weekend. Carol came back to my place after the Casino thing, and we-”

“Oh, no no no. No, Michael.” Pam made a face. “That’s okay, I believe you. Um... do you by any chance know where Jim is?”

Michael looked at her. “You mean he didn’t tell you?”

“Tell me what?” Pam suddenly knew something was wrong.

“He is gonzo, outta here! Left us in the lurch, my lady.”

“What do you mean?”

“Apparently he was promoted and transferred to the Stamford branch.”

“How long have you known about this?” Pam could feel herself breaking a bit, but she wouldn’t cry. She wouldn’t.

“Well, Pam, I just found out this morning. Jan called me, and apparently he’s had this set up for a week.”

She couldn’t feel her body anymore.

“A week?”

“I’m totally bummed. I’m surprised he didn’t tell me.” Michael got that faux-serious look in his eye, when he thought he was saying something poignant. “Maybe he just... didn’t want to believe it was real.“

Pam was speechless.

“I can’t believe he didn’t tell you,” Michael kept hitting her where it hurt. “Aren’t you guys good friends?”

She choked on her words. “Maybe... he thought it would be too hard...” she was grasping at words because she wanted to leave Michael’s office. Now.

“That’s what she said,” she could hear Michael screaming after her as she briskly walked to the bathroom. She locked the door behind her and collapsed against it, sobbing. She was too late. He had left her.

***

Pam stepped away from her easel and looked at the painting. She took another step back. And another.

There was something wrong. She was tempted to just walk away from it, get some space, and then maybe she’d figure it out.

Then she looked at the last instruction on her list.

Taking a deep breath, she approached her masterpiece. It was finally coming into focus.