Jim comes home from work one chilly afternoon and tosses his overcoat and bag onto a chair in the living room. It's very quiet in the house, but he knows Pam is home because her car is nice and snug in the garage next to his. He takes the stairs two at a time, loosening his tie and untucking his shirt, very excited to change into jeans and a sweatshirt.

He finds Pam in their bedroom, laying on the bed, still in her work clothes. Jim's knees creak slightly as he kicks off his shoes and dives onto the bed next to her. "Hello, pretty lady," he says, kissing her loudly. She gives him a tired, quiet smile. "Hey," she says softly.

He leans up on one elbow, looking at her. He can tell something isn't quite right with her, he's usually good at recognizing her expressions and tone, and something is just a little off. "What's going on? Where are the kids?"

Pam's eyes are closed. "Patrick is at Drew's house, and Janie's at Girl Scouts, and I swear to God, if she even throws another fit about that horrible outfit she wants, I'm going to lock her in her room and she's going to have to climb down her hair to escape," she spouts, getting louder and sitting up, "I'm sorry if I don't want my ten year old dressed like a hooker!"

Jim sits up at this diatribe, and looks at her. "I thought the teenage moody stuff isn't supposed to happen to her for a few more years," Pam says, sighing ruefully and laying down once more, turning onto her stomach.

"Well, I don't know either. Maybe I should call your mom?" he asks, smiling a little. 

"Don't. She'll just remind you that I was the exact same way at that age," she says, her voice muffled by a pillow.  Jim laughs a little and rubs her back. "What's going on with you, are you feeling okay?" he asks.

 Her voice is still dimmed by the pillow. "I've been so unbelievably tired lately, and I feel so bloaty and my boobs feel insane," she says.

"They feel fine to me," Jim says in his wickedest voice, which usually makes her laugh. Today though, she turns to face him, and her face crumples. His laugh dies in his throat as he watches tears start to drip out of her eyes.

"I'm pregnant."

He stares at her, slowly comprehending what she is saying, as a growing knot tightens in his stomach. "What?" he asks, hoping he hadn't heard her correctly and knowing that he did.

" Jim."

He continues to look at her. "How?" he asks in a low voice, wishing the knot would go away.

Pam's tears have stopped flowing now, and she glares at him. "The usual way," she says, "Think about how crazy the past few months have been with my dad's heart attack and Pat's eighth grade camp and all of the other stuff, and tell me there were times when we weren't careful."

Jim finds his voice again. "But the pill and the condoms," he says confusedly, and she starts to cry again.

"I know! I'm sorry, Jim, I didn't mean for this to happen!" she sobs, and now he can move, so he puts his arms around her.

"I know you didn't, I didn't either," he says to her, and she squeezes him.

She pulls back and looks at him. He can see  the crow's feet around her eyes and the greying hair at her temples, but at this moment, she looks very young, the way she did when she was forced to choose which path her life was going to take.

"We're OLD, Jim! I thought we were past the baby stuff!" she cries, and he 's convinced they were past it too, but now things have changed.

"I thought so too, but I guess we can do it again," he says, trying to smile, "We love babies."

Pam smiles sadly and then looks startled. "Oh my gosh, what are the kids going to say? They're going to freak out, I know it. How can we disrupt their lives like this?" she says, a few tears dripping from her cheeks. Jim looks at her and says," It's our life, not theirs, and they'll have to be okay with it."

"Can we really do this again?" she asks quietly, looking back at him," Can we start over, after we've raised two already? I mean, Patrick is starting high school next year, and Jane's almost in middle school. Can we add a baby to that and do it all over again? Can we do the feedings and the diapers and the potty training again?"

Jim looks down. "I don't think it'll be easy, but I think we still remember how, and I think we'll be better at it this time," he says.

"I hope so," says Pam, "Remember how many times we had to change the sheets because Pat peed the bed? Remember when Janie was a toddler and she'd just start screaming in the  grocery store?'

"That feels like it just happened, " says Jim," and now Pat won't let me take him anywhere unless it's just to drop him off, and Janie wants streetwalker clothes like her friends, and they're so old!"

Pam scoots up the bed to the headboard and motions for Jim to follow. He lays his head on her chest and she runs her fingers through his hair. He can hear her voice rumbling when she speaks. "Yeah, but Pat still lets you kiss him goodnight, and Janie still likes to watch movies in your lap," she says, and he smiles a real smile.

"Won't it be fun to have someone crawl into our bed at 6 am on Saturdays and stare at us until we wake up?" he asks, and she laughs. "As much fun as it'll be to explain exactly what it is those two squirrels are doing outside, remember that?"

Jim laughs out loud at the recollection, but then the tiny thought that had been feeling its way through his mind pushes through, and before he can stop himself, he's choking up and silent. Pam notices immediately, because she always does, the way she has for over sixteen years. "What's wrong?" she whispers into his hair, and her concern makes him want to cry even more.

"This sounds so horrible, but what if we don't love it as much? What if it doesn't fit in with us?What if we've lived too much of our lives with our other kids?" he asks, and feels some of the pressure from his chest loosen.

'Well," says Pam slowly, "I feel the same way, but then I remember how we felt before Jane was born, we thought we could never love anyone as much as we loved Patrick. But now, I can't imagine life without her. I hope it'll be the same way. "

Jim is relieved at her admission and hugs her tightly. "But we're old, Pam, we'll be past sixty when it turns twenty. Is that fair to a kid?"

Pam looks uncomfortable for a moment. "I don't know. I guess you'll just have to be really careful not to break a hip when you're playing basketball," she says, and finally, he can laugh again.

She fingers his lapel and says dreamily, "Remember when Patrick was little and you said something about having to go buy a new monkey suit, and you came home with this suit and he cried because he thought you were buying a monkey costume?"

Jim laughs and wipes a few lingering tears away. "And remember when Janie saw you with a pudding cup and asked for her very own little can of pudding? She was what, three?" asks Jim.

Pam laughs, "Yeah, three. I brought it up to her recently, and she flipped out and thought I was making fun of her."

She is quiet again. Jim sits up and puts his arms around her. "We get to start all over again, just think of what we can do," he says, and Pam pulls him in tight.

One hand of his rests on her belly, and she whispers in his ear, "I think this is going to be the best thing that's happened to us" and he knows she is right.