Chapter Seven

It was really quite something the way things turned out sometimes.

One day you are dreading your wedding - the next day you find out that a pipe burst and the place you were planning on holding your reception is nearly condemned.

If that wasn't a sign…

She knew Roy was expecting her to throw a fit. She knew he was bracing himself for it. And honestly she had tried but she just couldn't do it. She couldn't gather the strength to let him have it, to rant and rave about how everything was ruined.

It was hard for her to muster up the type of reaction she knew she should be having. She knew the reason why. If she hadn't already begun to doubt whether or not she should be with Roy she'd be an emotional wreck right now.

Well, actually that was true - but it was for a completely different reason.

Deep down she knew what the problem really was. Roy just didn't go out of his way to care about anything she did. And there was a time where she was okay with that.

But not anymore.

Not when she knew now - she knew there was something else she could choose.

Be happy Pam. Please?

And she'd choose it for sure - if only she wasn't so incredibly scared.

At first, Roy didn't even seem to think she was serious. He laughed - actually - laughed when she said she was leaving - that it was over - that this was just a sign that helped her add up a long line of things she'd ignored for years. He laughed when she'd told him she'd finally had enough.

Not only had enough…had another option. As guilty as she felt for the secret she carried it honestly was secondary to the fact that when she'd gotten the call from the VA Hall she actually sighed with relief.

Loudly.

Pam knew it wasn't fair. Roy didn't ask for her to strike up a friendship with Jim. Roy didn't expect her to…

Admit it Pam. Admit it. You don't need to say it to anyone, just admit it to yourself.

Roy didn't expect her to fall in love with someone else. Anyone else - let alone…

Jim.

Her heart rose to her throat again at the thought of him just like it had a thousand times before today

He was back from vacation today, starting at Stamford on Monday. She knew this because she'd filed the papers Jan had faxed over sealing the deal.

She remembers now gazing at his loopy handwriting, the way the "M" in his first name intertwined with the "H" of his last.

And suddenly all she could think of was his hands.

The image of them filled her mind, of them holding a pen…or drumming on her desk…or handing her half of his sandwich or…

…his hand…holding hers.

It didn't happen often, mostly when he didn't realize it. He'd give her hand a quick squeeze for emphasis or extend his hand to her to help her across an icy patch or to climb up to the roof.

He smiles as he sits down next to her. "Nice. That's excellent because bugs love…my famous grilled cheese sandwiches."

"Yes! Nice." Her eyes open widely with glee as she takes a bite. "I can't remember the last time someone made me dinner."

As they watch the fireworks she looks at him sideways, and the thought fills her mind before she can stop it. This is what it's supposed to be like…easy.

Nice. Just...nice.

It didn't happen often, but every time it happened she couldn't deny that her pulse quickened and her heart turned a slow roll in her chest.

This is what it's supposed to be like…this is why.

Even when she could finally make Roy see - finally made him understand that she was really leaving, that it was truly over, she was still terrified.

Jim would be back, he'dfind out what had happened and then she'd wait and see. She knew she should make the first move - she owed him that much - but everytime she tried to picutre it it just came out wrong.

It's what kept her from calling him. It's what she'd been dreading all along.

Because as appealing, as…amazing as she was certain being with Jim could be she was scared out of her mind that if she really chose him it would end up ruining everything.

Still - she had to do it. She'd start slow. She'd give it a few weeks. She was incredibly insecure but she knew something about herself. She knew exactly how to get to him if she set her mind to it.

It might take some time, but the end result would be more than worth it. Out of sight didn't need to be out of mind.

And in a few weeks - she'd just start to remind him.

xoxoxoxoxoxo

Australia wasn't nearly as cold as he expected.

The weather was clear and though not balmy enough to lie out and catch the sun he still managed to get a bit of sunburn across the bridge of his nose. Made him at least look like he'd taken a relaxing vacation.

There was a note on the door indicating he had a package waiting for him at FedEx. As he made his way inside his new, sparsely furnished apartment he grabbed a stack of mail. Sighing with sheer exhaustion, he sank down onto the couch to begin to wade through it.

She was married now.

Wow. A mere hour and a half since he'd had the same thought. Really. He sighed. How long would getting the least bit over her actually take?

June 10th was a day he could barely remember. He'd befriended the bartender in the hotel lobby and that was all it took. It was nothing more than an afternoon and evening full of increasingly slurring conversation…

"This girl. You have no idea, man. NO IDEA. She's incredible. She's smart - she's so fucking funny - and God - she has absolutely no idea how beautiful she really is. She's an artist…I mean…an actual artist. And I can't believe…I can't believe…after everything I did I still lost her."

His eyes fell on a lavender envelope with a Pennsylvania address. It barely registers that this is not his typical junk mail. Absentmindedly, he rips it open - and then a split second later - loses his breath.

Mr. and Mrs. Edward Beesly regret to inform you that their daughter, Pamela, will no longer be marrying Roy Anderson.

Pam and Roy thank you for your generous gift - which has been returned to you.

It meant so much that you wanted to celebrate this day with us.

He read the card over and over. He analyzed it closely nothing short of fifteen times, just to make sure it was real. His eyes skim the words again and again.

…regret to inform you…

….no longer be marrying Roy Anderson….

It meant so much that you wanted to celebrate this day with us.

A huge smile breaks out over his face; an even larger weight lifts from his shoulders.

Celebrate? Oh hell yes!

He is on his feet in an instant and begins to pace, nearly tripping one of the many boxes crowding his apartment. He couldn't believe it had finally happened. She wasn't married.

She.

Wasn't.

Married.

Should he call her? Should he drive straight for Scranton? Is she even in Scranton? Where the hell was she? Why hadn't she called?

Wait. Why hadn't she called?

The smile leaves his face. Disappointment creeps in.

Maybe she didn't call because maybe not that much had changed.

Maybe - even without Roy - she still didn't want him.

As the thought fills his mind for the first time he discounts it. He couldn't believe it. Pam wouldn't just call things off for no reason. Something made her. Something caused this. And though there were a million possible reasons why he chose the only one he could.

It was - even in some small way - because of him.

And the smile is back again.

He looks at the card in his hand. Now - he realized he had a different problem.

Easy there killer. Back it up a quick second.

Jim knew her. He knew she'd never show up on his doorstep so soon after she called things off. She would need time before she even thought about moving on.

He could do patience. Hell - he pretty much earned himself a PhD when he spent all that time working with her. He knew how to keep his distance. He knew how to get win her over. It's not like he hadn't done it before…

"Pam." He grabs her arm as she tries to walk past him and out the door.

She is still far from over it. Even though she knows it's unfair. Even though, she kind of knows the reason behind it. She tries to block it out - for the millionth time.

"It's fine Jim. Really. You don't need to keep apologizing." She says with a sigh.

"No. It's not fine. I want you to understand. It was just one day. I was just venting to Toby. I was trying to close a sale and all I could hear is 'lavender tulle and lilies' over and over again."

With a pang of guilt she remembers that day. She'd had a hell of a fight with the florist. It must have been incredibly annoying to overhear.

"I went right to him the next morning and took it back. I know you have a lot to do. I know you're doing this all on your own…"

For the first time, he didn't mean it as a dig against Roy. He was simply trying to get that look out of her eyes.

Even though part of her knows deep down what the real problem is, she gazes up at him sympathetically.

He can see it. She's softening. Her mouth curls up with a hint of a smile. He takes a deep breath and decides to go for it.

He crosses his arms in front of his chest and gives her a pout. "I mean…plus…you never even asked me to be a bridesmaid or anything…"

And then - to his great relief - she laughed. She looked straight into his eyes and laughed uncontrollably.

It was easier to joke than to deal with what his complaint might have really meant.

She wiped tears of laughter from her eyes as she gazed up at him. "I'm sorry about that. Trust me - it was a really tough decision - but in the end I just realized that you really don't look good in anything strapless."

He'd start slow. He'd give it a few weeks. He wasn't at all conceited but he did know something about himself. He knew he could be pretty damn charming if he set his mind to it.

It might take some time, but the end result would be more than worth it. Out of sight didn't need to be out of mind.

And in a few weeks - he'd just start to remind her.