Chapter Three

"Jim." She says his name so softly he almost doesn't hear it.

"Yeah?" He steps back and shoves his hands back in his pockets.

"Jim." She sits down on the edge of the desk and presses a hand to her lips. Her arm is curled around her waist hugging tightly. She can't stand any longer for fear she might faint.

"Yeah." He hangs his head. "You um…had something on your mouth and I…"

Pam's eyes go wide. He's not seriously trying to make a joke at a time like this is he?

"JIM."

He scratches the back of his neck, realizing how lame his attempt is. "It's um - off now - so…"

"Oh my God." She looks at him desperately. "What did you just do?" Even as she says it she's arguing with herself.

What is it about getting what you want that makes you disbelieve? He's saving you…it's what you want.

LET HIM.

"If you have to ask I obviously didn't do it right." He laughs nervously.

She needs to put some distance between them. She moves away to stand over by her desk. "Jim. I'm getting married."

"Yeah." He nods.

"In three weeks." She says then, pacing a bit.

"Yeah." Jim's mouth is set in a firm line. "I got that."

Those three words make everything suddenly…clearer.

"This is why you complained to Toby." She looks at him, incredulously.

"Pam." He sighs and sinks into his chair.

"You…" She begins and then stops, unable to finish her thought.

"Don't…" He shakes his head at her. He knows whatever she's trying to say won't be good.

C'mon Pam. Choose ME.

"Oh my God. What did you just do?" She says again, tears streaming down her cheeks now, her hand covering her mouth again. She begins to shake because she can still feel his lips there.

Don't. He begged her in his mind to stop. Pam. Don't…

"What I should have done a long time ago." He mutters under his breath, sadly. "But I didn't. So…"

He didn't know what he had expected when he kissed her. To immediately say, I'm in love with you too?

He honestly hadn't been planning to kiss her in the first place, but he could read the writing on the wall and…this? This was not going to end well.

He moves to stand and picks up an empty box. Unceremoniously, he starts to clear his desk. First a picture frame, then a mug…

Pam stops her pacing and stares at him open mouthed. "What are you doing?"

He doesn't answer her question. Instead, he starts to rifle through his desk drawers.

Her heart is beating so fast she's sure he can hear it. She crosses to him and tugs on the sleeve of his sweater. "What are you doing?"

"I'm transferring." He says as he takes a deliberate step away. He flips through a folder and tosses it back on the desk.

"What?" This can't be real. She lays a hand on her cheek because she feels like he's slapped her.

"To Stamford." He adds quietly.

"Jim. You can't…" She can't breathe. Simply. Can't. Breathe.

LET HIM.

"You're getting married." He says it like a question.

C'mon Pam. Choose ME.

"Yes." She replies, her voice broken.

And just like every day for the last three years, he'd been hoping for a different answer.

Jim nods and turns his attention back to the desk. All at once, he decides there's nothing really worth taking. Until he remembers...

He reaches in his pocket and grabs his keys, quickly unlocking his bottom desk drawer. He pulls out what looks like a box of manila file folders and tucks it under his arm. Shoulders hunched, he starts to walk towards the door.

"Jim." She sobs as he moves past her.

LET HIM.

The way she says it makes him stop and turn back around.

C'mon Pam. Choose ME.

"Why?" She asks, her eyes pleading.

He knows exactly what she's asking. And he can't believe she even needs to. "A million reasons."

"You shouldn't…" She shakes her head at him.

"Too late." He replies.

"I'm not…" She hangs her head.

"What?" He looks at her, his eyes pleading.

"…worth it."

He knows she believes it, and it makes him want to cry again.

"Pam." He whispers.

"You should take that transfer." She's suddenly shivering.

"Pam." He takes another step closer.

"You should. You deserve so much more than this." She's still sobbing. "More than…" She can't finish the sentence.

"I don't think so." He protests as he places the box down on his desk again.

As soon as he's within arms reach she sways into him again, her hands moving to his shoulders and clutching him desperately.

"You should go…" She murmurs as she rests her head on his chest. His arms curl around her and he holds her close.

LET HIM.

"Tell me to stay." He whispers as he places a kiss on her hair. "Give me a reason, Pam."

C'mon Pam. Choose ME.

They stand there for a while. Minutes seem like hours and they're both too scared to move. Like if they make their way outside it'll disappear.

He's not so sure that won't be the case.

He's right.

"We can't do this…" She whispers against his neck.

"Yeah. We can." He whispers back, holding her tighter.

"I've made all these plans…"

"Unmake them."

C'mon Pam. Choose ME.

"Roy…" She says softly.

One syllable shouldn't have that much power but it does. Jim steps back and lets her go, his hands back in his pockets again.

"Roy." He repeats, his voice bitter. This is why…this is why he never said anything before.

"He…" She begins.

"Yeah." He reaches down and picks up the box again.

"Jim…" She starts sobbing again. This is why…this is why she never said anything before.

"I know." And he does. He understands and that's what makes it so unbelievably painful. Because a woman he could love like this can't be the kind of woman who could walk away from a ten year relationship that easily.

It was almost enough to make Jim laugh. Wasn't that the most ironic thing of all? The fact that she loved Roy was also a reason why he loved her.

"I'd better go." He says sadly as he makes his way to the door again. He stops with his hand resting on the doorknob and turns to face her again.

"Just…" He begins and then sighs.

"What?" It's not too late. Just say the word…c'mon…

LET HIM.

"Be happy Pam. Please?" It sounds more like a plea than a parting comment. He gives her a last look and then slips out the door.

As she watches him leave she looks down at her hand, the tiny diamond dull in the darkened office. She feels like her heart's been ripped out and trampled on as she whispers…

"I'll try…"