You said you would never give up easy

(It’s getting harder to figure you out)

She pulls in a breath and holds it, staring at her keyboard and trying not to imagine what he’s thinking. Another woman ringing in her ears and she feels like everyone knows more than she does. When they leave he doesn’t take her hand and her throat tightens. (This is so much more complicated)

The soft glow of his lamp weakens her and she can’t be angry after the first hour (what can I do to stop this?). He’s tired, so accepting (more) apologies feels easier than pushing forward. He falls asleep holding her hand and she still doubts that he really wants this (she notices tiny hesitations). She breathes shakily, afraid of waking him and thinks about turning off the alarm and staying home tomorrow. Her fingers skim over buttons and it would be easy (so close, I just want a chance). He stirs in his sleep, inching closer to her and it’s a jerk in her heart. She pulls her hand back guiltily and wonders if he’ll ever look back and hate her.

The prying glances diminish and she feels braver, laughing quietly (together) over lunchtime commentaries and maybe he’s done testing the waters and is ready. She knows she’s pushing, but his smile is reward enough, and she gets her way. (ignoring frowns and impatient glances becomes habit)

Repeat cycle. She cries sometimes, forcing herself to remember every time he’s given her a reason to fight for this. (Why are you doing this if it isn’t what you want?)

Calming breaths in the bathroom, and tucking her hair behind her ear she decides that all she wants is the truth.