Disclaimer: I do not own these characters (except Jane) or the Office. No copyright infringement intended. This is just little old me saying, thanks Greg, I love your show.

Chapter 10 - Finally

The first time Jim woke up, he stirred out of a deep sleep to a numb feeling in his arm and the faint sound of a movie in the background. He had clearly been out for a while because he struggled to make sense of where he was, when he was. Did he have to go to work in the morning? Was it Friday or Saturday? In his hazy state, he could not figure out why his mattress was so hard and why his sheets seemed scratchy. Like carpet…..like his living room carpet. And what was lying on his arm?

Struggling to shake off the last bit of sleep, Jim realized that he really was lying on his living room carpet and Pam was cuddled up next to him, also sound asleep. He craned his neck to look around his living room surreally bathed in blue white light from the television. It felt like a dream, like another of the million dreams that caused Jim to toss and turn in the night and blush in the morning. Focusing on Pam again it all become real; he tried to pick up his hand from its perch on her back and wiggle the fingers, silently praying that it would be enough movement to circulate the blood to his arm without actually having to wake her up.

He took in the sight of her peacefully asleep on his shoulder, clutching his shirt in her hand, like she was afraid he would disappear with the morning light. He had never held her so close for a prolonged period of time; the moment would always end before it even began. Roy would walk in; someone in the office would notice they were too close; she would back away; he would run to Karen. But not this time; no one was backing away anymore.

Jim swept a stray curl away from her face, running his fingers along her hairline very gently, cherishing this moment when he could truly look at her without fear of who would see and without wondering if his face would betray too many emotions. Sadly, the stinging in his fingers screamed at him that he had to move and, cursing the need for circulation, he shifted her ever so slightly from him to free his arm.

He looked at the dvr and realized that it was almost one in the morning; one in the morning on the night of his first date with Pam. Honestly, this was not how he imagined his first date with Pam ending. In his fantasies he did wake up next to her - after a night of making love to her, not after falling asleep during the lastest James Bond and waking up with a spent carton of fried rice by his head. Jim yawned while he sat up and put the stray carton back on the coffee table.

He wasn’t entirely sure what to do at this point. Should he wake Pam up? Should he take her to bed? His heart raced at little at the very idea of carrying her to his bedroom. Did he change his sheets? Should he go to bed and put her on the couch? Or take her to bed and he could sleep on the couch? He watched her sleep; he wasn’t exactly eager to see her leave. Jim loved the feeling of having Pam next to him after years of lying awake at night wondering where she was and what she was doing. He finally could hold her, knowing that she was safe with him. Jim couldn’t believe he was debating whether to wake her up or not. Deep down, he knew there was no question he was going to let her stay the night.

He gently pulled the blanket off the couch and placed it over her. Reaching blindly for the remote, he turned off the television and pulled her close to his side as he settled in for the night. He had to laugh at the picture they painted: lying on his living room floor sharing one small blanket with the pillows from his couch strewn around them. He did have a really comfortable bed one room over with a down comforter and fluffy pillows, but he knew there was no way he was moving; there was no place he would rather be.

Jim closed his eyes again, surrounded by the smell of her, carefully placing his hand on her hip. He wanted to kiss her; it had been far too long between kisses. Their evening had never progressed to kissing; somehow the moment never seemed right. He knew that she was interested, and he knew what he wanted, but he just wasn’t sure how fast they were supposed to go at this point. They held each other’s gazes, and they held each other’s hands. She put her head on his shoulder and he traced circles on her knee. But every time he tried to push it further, he felt like he was thirteen trying to figure out how to kiss the prettiest girl in his class. It would turn awkward and tense. Smiling at her sleeping figure in his arms, he placed a tender kiss on her forehead and drifted off to sleep.

The second time Jim woke up, sunlight was shining into the living room through his sliding glass doors and the room was barely illuminated. Jim could tell it was early. Pam was spooned against him and he was holding her close again; Jim smiled thinking that he could definitely get used to waking up like this. He loved feeling her breathe against him, feeling her hair against his cheek. He felt her stir slightly, and, feeling suddenly panicked at the intimacy of their position, he rolled onto to his back to give her a little space. Old habits die hard Jim thought, realizing that he probably didn’t have to pretend that he hadn’t spent all night holding her. But the reality of the moment still frightened him. There had been so much build up, so much tension, how would they find their way to being normal around each other? What would that even be like?

Pam started to regain herself and propped herself up on her elbow, peering behind her at Jim. For a moment he felt like he should pretend to still be asleep, avoid such a vulnerable moment. But he pushed that urge away knowing that they had to stop hiding, at some point they had to really face each other to see what would happen. Of course, he had hoped to do this sometime when he didn’t have morning breath.

“Morning.” She said softly, shyly.

“Hey…, good morning.”

“So James Bond put us both out huh?”

“Looks like it, …but don’t blame him, it’s pretty hard to keep me up after midnight these days.”

Pam smiled a wide contagious smile, “Really? That’s interesting.”

Realizing what he had said, Jim couldn’t contain his laughter, but secretly he loved that she was so openly flirtatious. This was a new side to Pam that he was really going to enjoy. “Wow Beesly, you’re spunky first thing in the morning.”

Pam rolled over so she was facing him, “Not really, especially not during the week. But I couldn’t resist that one.”

“Oh, I’d be disappointed in you if you had let that go.”

They looked at each other for what seemed like an eternity without speaking. Jim tried to work out in his mind his next move. Should he touch her, hold her? That would definitely lead to kissing, and seriously he had to get rid of the left over Chinese food breath.

“So…”

‘Yeah, so…” His voice faded into quiet, overwhelmed by his feelings of awkwardness and excitement. They both seemed to be unable look at each other, each searching for something to look at that was safe, only daring to steal little glances at the other. This felt just like moments he had shared with her before, but overcoming the actual inertia of the past to move forward seemed impossible. He couldn’t just do it now…now in the middle of the floor, now was so completely unperfect. Even Lake Wallenpaupack was better than this.

Pam started to fidget a little, “I’m gonna freshen up a little, I think.” She got up and he watched her walk down the hall to the bathroom.

“Nice one Halpert,” he said under his breath, “way to choke”. Shaking his head angrily, all he could think was that he screwed up again. Why couldn’t he ever just say it like a normal person, why did his timing suck? Once again when he had an opportunity to open up to her, he was paralyzed. Jim got up and wondered into the kitchen silently berating himself as he threw a few things away from the night before, muttering words like “stupid” and “idiot”. He leaned into the refrigerator taking stock of what could pass for breakfast foods, “Idiot. Say something.”

“Do you always talk to your refrigerator?”

“What?” Jim raised up so quickly that he hit his head on the freezer door. “Shit.”

“Are you ok?”

“Perfect. You have got to stop sneaking up on me though…” Jim rubbed the top of his head amazed at how bad he had gotten at this. He always thought he was ok with women, semi-charming at times, but now all his skills had left him.

“Sorry bout that. Who’s an idiot?”

“Wait…what?”

“Oh nothing, maybe I misheard you.”

Jim took a steadying breath, “No, um…you see…It’s a long story.” Jim took out a carton of orange juice and sat it on the counter. “Hey, see if there’s anything in there that you want, I’ll be right back.”

Jim headed back to his bathroom to try to regroup before he made Pam wonder why she ever liked him to start with. Safe behind the closed door, he took a moment to check out his reflection, laughing at his disheveled appearance. He splashed water on his face and brushed his teeth. After finishing up his morning ritual, he changed his shirt, which was beyond hopelessly rumpled, and turned to rest his forehead against his closet door, taking in one last deep breath.

He thought about calling Jane to tell her that he was going to have to turn in his man card because he had turned into a total wuss. Straightening up he tried to bolster his own courage; at some point, he had to do this himself. After all, he had dated other women without the constant advice of Jane Williams. Time to cut the cord, time to figure this out for himself.

He turned around to lean against the door and his eyes fell on his desk. Sitting there was a old picture of Pam from the Dundies a few years ago. He had taken it out the other day and there it was as if remind him of who was waiting on him in his kitchen. This was Pam. And while that was terrifying, she had given him another chance. They had found each other again. Wasn’t this supposed to be the easy part?

He headed out towards the kitchen with purpose although he wasn’t entirely sure what he would do when he got there. Pam was peering into the toaster when he came around the corner. “Lose something …in the toaster?”

“Nope, just watching it brown.”

“Pop Tart?”

“Yeah want one? I made two.”

“Conveniently, they come in packs of two.”

“Dork.”

She swatted at his arm, and in one quick movement he reached for her hand and gently interlaced their fingers, pulling her closer to him. She looked up at him, her eyes full of a myriad of emotions, but nothing in her demeanor told Jim to back away.

“So Beesly…I was just thinking that I have no idea how to act right now.”

“I know, it’s …weird, huh?”

“Yeah.”

Pam seemed to squirm at little at standing so close together, but Jim melted when she bit her lip awkwardly and looked up at him, “So, how do you …want to act? I mean, what do you …, I don’t know, never mind.”

Pam took her hand and pressed it against her forehead to hide her embarrassment.

He tilted his head to the side in order to force her to look at him. “There is something I’ve been wanting to do,” Jim squinted slightly, afraid to be as bold as he was about to be, “but I wasn’t sure if I should, …if it was too soon.”

Jim held her gaze and her face lit up as if she already knew what he wanted. “Uh-huh.” She took a deep breath and nodding in the direction of the refrigerator she said, “Was this what you were talking to the fridge about?”

Jim tried to contain a nervous smile and let out of breathy laugh, “Yeah, it didn’t really tell me what to do though.”

“Stupid refrigerator.” Jim could tell that she was trying to keep their familiar tone, their banter. He completely understood the need to find familiar ground, but the fact that they were joking about his refrigerator spoke volumes about how unfamiliar this territory really was.

“Right, …ok…we’re talking about my kitchen appliances.”

“Yeah, what is that about?” They stood there silently apparently waiting for the other to move, to back away, to say anything to break the tension.

“I think we’re nervous.” It was an obvious statement, but Jim couldn’t think of any way to cover what he was feeling; he was tired of hiding.

“Yeah, I definitely am. Why are you nervous?”

He looked at her, willing her to understand without him having to say it aloud. “Because,” he paused, trying to find the words to explain what he was feeling. He smiled realizing it was really pretty simple, “ Because it’s you.” He shifted uncomfortably, finally feeling the full implications of how close they were at this moment, physically and emotionally. “What about you? Why are you nervous?”

She looked away, as if she were frantically trying to find her answer, but she replied firmly, stepping slightly closer, “Because it’s you.”

Jim decided that this had to be his moment, “Well …I’ve really been wanting to do this.” Jim leaned into her, kissing her tentatively at first as if asking permission in a whole new language. Pam answered him by deepening the kiss and running her fingers through his hair. Jim stepped forward pushing her against the countertop, her breath catching slightly driving Jim to utter distraction.

Pam pushed against his chest to get his attention, and he reluctantly pulled back from her. “I think something’s burning.”

“Beesly, that is really cheesy. Seriously.” He leaned in to kiss her again but she stopped him, giggling at the situation they were in.

“No, um, I really think something is burning.”

Jim looked behind her to see that the Pop-Tarts were definitely burnt to a crisp and starting to smoke slightly. “Oh shit,… hold that thought.” He locked eyes with her so that she fully understand that he intended to finish what he started. Pushing her aside slightly, he popped up the blackened pastry, grabbing both pieces and throwing them into the sink.

As he ran water to douse the smoldering breakfast, he muttered over his shoulder, “Ok, I swear I am not usually this bad a date.”

“Who said you were a bad date?” her voice was small but sincere, as she wasn’t sure if he was kidding, but she wanted to be sure he understood that she didn’t agree.

“Well, I finally got to kiss you and we almost set the house on fire.”

Pam giggled, her face flushing a little, “I’d say.”

“Beesly!” He let his mouth hang open feigning shock, pulling her close again. “I had no idea that you could be this way.”

“Yep, just trying to lighten it up a little.”

Jim kissed her again, each holding tightly to the other slowly increasing the pace of their kisses. He felt like his heart might explode in his chest it was beating so rapidly and if he was being truthful he would admit that most of that blood flow was going to decidedly private areas of his body.

He remembered every time he had ever kissed Pam Beesly. The drunk kiss that tasted of margaritas; the terrifying kiss when the excitement of touching her mixed with the nausea of knowing her inevitable answer might be no. Now, he took his time to memorize this kiss: the taste of her tongue; the feel of her hands on his neck. He didn’t kiss her frantically, he kissed her gently, trying to get her to understand everything he felt behind every kiss. He was just starting to completely lose himself in the moment when he heard an unmistakable sound behind him. He felt Pam become distracted and he pulled away to look her in the eyes, a smile tugging at his slightly swollen lips.

He reached behind him and picked up his cell phone, whose ringing had interrupted them. “Nice timing, Jane.” he said under his breath, reading the caller id. He clicked ignore, and turned back to Pam.

“Who’s Jane?”

“Mark’s girlfriend…it’s a long story.” He leaned into her again, but she gave him a confused look, “She’s a friend, and let me tell you, she’s dying to meet you.”

“Why?”

He paused for a moment, taking her in and smiling at her. “Because …it’s you.” He silenced her with another kiss and he felt her relax against him.