pamisgreat: Hey Jim. It's Pam, if you can't tell from the screenname. I just got it to boost my self-esteem.

jimh2: pbees3 wasn't working for you?

pamisgreat: pbees3 lacks pizzaz. And uniqueness, since apparently there is a pbees1 and pbees2.

Her eyes kept glued on the screen, but she didn't even see the 'jimh2 is typing a message...' on the bottom of the window. He must be busy actually working. He wasn't nearly as attentive to her IM's as he used to be, so she didn't even bother to spy on his screen to see what he was up to.

When she heard the ding signifying a new conversation, she was caught a bit off-guard.

jimisawesome: i was inspired.

A wide smile spread across her face as she quickly typed a reply.

pamisgreat: We're a couple of narcissists, aren't we?

jimisawesome: nah. we're just confident.

pamisgreat: Ah, I see.

pamisgreat: P.S. I am bored out of my mind.

jimisawesome: me too. although i'm still recovering from yesterday's shenanigans.

pamisgreat: I never pegged you as the type to use 'shenanigans' but oh god yes, that was INSANE! Reminded me of the old days, though.

jimisawesome: i don't recall michael threatening suicide in "the old days"

pamisgreat: LOL You know what I mean!

jimisawesome: yeah. it was nice, actually. i like seeing everyone actually having fun together though.

pamisgreat: I suppose you're choosing to ignore Angela's preaching about the sins of gambling? She was livid all day.

jimisawesome: as opposed to... ?

pamisgreat: Hey I have actually seen Angela happy before!

jimisawesome: when was this?

pamisgreat: Oh, we went for coffee when you all had sales calls.

jimisawesome: you went for coffee with angela?!

pamisgreat: She invited me!

jimisawesome: so why haven't you guys haven't been all buddy-buddy since?

pamisgreat: She offered me one of her cats-- the dominant male of her new litter or something-- and I turned her down.

jimisawesome: ouch

pamisgreat: I wouldn't know what to do with a cat! I would have been a terrible owner. I probably would have tried to take him home in a cooler or something and Angela would shun me or kill me or... I don't even know what.

jimisawesome: do you remember when i had that bbq at my house?

pamisgreat: What? That's out of the blue, Halpert.

Jim's phone rang.

jimisawesome: gotta take that

Pam thought she should take the opportunity to get to work, as well. Jim was such a distraction. Not that she wouldn't be playing solitaire if he wasn't there. She couldn't really focus on work, anyway, as she tried to figure out the link between Angela and cats and Jim's barbecue last year. Except... that was around when she started having suspicions about her and Dwight, right? She'd told Jim about it, even! Did he know they were together?

jimisawesome: i just made an excellent sale, by the way. what did you accomplish in the last five minutes?

pamisgreat: I was trying to figure out where that question came from.

jimisawesome: what

jimisawesome: oh, bbq? just curious. that was like a year ago, right?

pamisgreat: Does this have to do with Angela?

jimisawesome: ... no?

pamisgreat: Do you know something about her? Her and perhaps a certain someone?

jimisawesome: a certain someone with a spud gun?

pamisgreat: OMG!!! I am so glad someone else knows about this I have been keeping it to myself for so long it's like I'm Joey on Friends!!!

jimisawesome: haha, what?

pamisgreat: Don't tell me you don't enjoy cheesy 90s sitcoms, Halpert!

jimisawesome: i do, i do. i admit it. i know exactly what you're referencing.

pamisgreat: I knew it!

pamisgreat: So, DWIGHT AND ANGELA!!!

jimisawesome: yes. i was witness to quite a graphic make-out session.

pamisgreat: asdlfkjaklsd;!!!

jimisawesome: such eloquence.

pamisgreat: Don't make fun! It's shocking! I'm shocked! And I've only been keeping this to myself for like FOREVER! Although I think Ryan might know.

jimisawesome: nobody else?

pamisgreat: Not that I'm aware.

jimisawesome: wow. over a year...

pamisgreat: I KNOW!

jimisawesome: god, it's so sad to think that they probably have a more healthy and stable relationship than i do.

pamisgreat: What's that mean?

jimisawesome: i know we're not as close as we used to be but seriously, does it seem to you like things are really working out with karen?

pamisgreat: I guess... not.

jimisawesome: she told me last night she wanted to transfer.

pamisgreat: Really?

jimisawesome: she doesn't like it here and when i didn't try to talk her out of it, she got pretty pissed.

jimisawesome: i don't know why i'm telling you all this.

pamisgreat: No no, you can talk to me. Always. So is it over or... ?

jimisawesome: not yet, but... i know this sounds shitty, but i'm not going to fight for her. and i know that when i don't, that'll be it. it's just.. not worth it, you know?

pamisgreat: Believe me Halpert, I know.

jimisawesome: yeah. but i never really loved her. it's not the same, i guess.

pamisgreat: Perhaps it's more the same than you think. This is terrible of me to say, but I haven't been IN love with Roy for a long time. Longer than I care to admit, even to myself. Trying to make a relationship work when your heart's not in it isn't worth it, especially if it's somewhere else.

She winced at her last line, sending it before realizing what it said. He probably wouldn't notice, anyway. She wondered if it really took a long time for him to reply or if it just felt that way since she was dying in anticipation.

jimisawesome: that definitely makes it hard

pamisgreat: Am I a terrible person for thinking "that's what she said" in the middle of this serious conversation?

jimisawesome: no. i was thinking it too.

pamisgreat: :)

She hated herself for it typing a smiley face when she really meant 'I love you'.

jimisawesome: so... yeah, i guess now you know all about my personal life.

pamisgreat: At least you HAVE a personal life. I've been on ONE date since ending things-- my only first date since high school! I know I got back with Roy and you think we'll end up together and blah blah blah but I seriously only did that because I was lonely. It wasn't even romantic, it just felt like settling. Which it was, so I guess I shouldn't be complaining...

jimisawesome: i'm sorry for being snarky about that, it was out of line.

pamisgreat: It's okay, I probably deserved it. It was a stupid mistake to keep going back to him but he's the only one who's always THERE, you know? He's always been there and it's really hard when I'm that lonely to not just give into it.

pamisgreat: God I sound pathetic.

jimisawesome: no you don't.

jimisawesome: you want to know why i honestly got together with karen?

She couldn't formulate a response, and hoped it was a rhetoric question.

jimisawesome: fear. if you're pathetic, i don't know what that makes me.

pamisgreat: Fear? Of what?

jimisawesome: ... you?

pamisgreat: You're with Karen to protect you if I try to beat you up?

He laughed despite himself.

jimisawesome: no, not exactly.

jimisawesome: i should probably get back to work, but we should keep up these little chats. i miss talking to you all the time.

pamisgreat: Me too. Talk to you later.

Pam spent the rest of the day agonizing over the meaning of his words. It sounded like he was still... interested. Maybe. She decided to just let things flow-- best not to force anything upon him when he was in the middle of a break-up, anyway.

Despite her resolution, she spent the rest of the workday in agony over how to casually start conversation up with him again. Every attempt at instant messaging lead in deleting every line and sighing angrily. But it was in fact in the middle of a frustrated grunt that she heard someone clearing their throat above her.

"Oh, hey, didn't see you," she said, her tone slightly frantic as she looked up to the subject of her anxiety.

"I just need some toner for the copier and I was wondering if you could open the supply closet for me."

Her eyes went wide as she bit her lip, blushing furiously, her hands trembling as she tried to formulate an adequate response. He merely looked confused, which made the situation that much worse.

"Sorry, um, yeah, I actually, uh, I don't have the key, uh..." Her attempts to form a coherent sentence were failing miserably.

"It's not, uh, actually that important. I didn't mean to--" Her face was confused and embarrassed, and quite frankly a little desperate, so he just patted her desk and walked off to his own.

pamisgreat: I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry

jimisawesome: ok i have to ask: what the hell was that, beesly?

pamisgreat: NOTHING!

jimisawesome: nothing?

pamisgreat: It was seriously just stupid.

jimisawesome: ok now i'm really curious.

pamisgreat: I told you, it's nothing. Just a stupid little thing.

jimisawesome: so it's nothing but it's a little thing?

pamisgreat: ... yes? *innocent*

jimisawesome: c'mon, pam. spill.

pamisgreat: no no no no

jimisawesome: yes yes yes yes

pamisgreat: It's really embarrassing.

jimisawesome: please

pamisgreat: It'll make things awkward.

jimisawesome: please

pamisgreat: It's really stupid and not even worth telling.

jimisawesome: but i'm really really curious now. practically DYING of curiosity, some might say

jimisawesome: please

pamisgreat: Don't pressure me!

jimisawesome: sorry

jimisawesome: but... please? you say it's nothing and that it's stupid so just... c'mon.

jimisawesome: I promise not to laugh.

pamisgreat: PROMISE?

jimisawesome: pinky swear

pamisgreat: ok

pamisgreat: No. I'm sorry it's just embarrassing!

jimisawesome: fine, leave me in agony.

jimisawesome: i'll just sit here, wasting away...

jimisawesome: dying of curiosity...

pamisgreat: Such a DRAMA QUEEN!

jimisawesome: i'll wither away into nothing...

jimisawesome: i hope you've prepared a good speech for my funeral because it'll be all your fault

pamisgreat: GOD, FINE! You're like a five year old, honestly!

jimisawesome: *innocent*

pamisgreat: Fine fine fine. It's just that... this is so embarrassing!  Have I used the word 'embarassing' enough to convey how I feel about this?

jimisawesome: hey, no backing out now, beesly!

pamisgreat: ok ok. It's just that I have this fantasy that involves you saying those exact words. I was actually thinking about it earlier.

pamisgreat: SDFJJLKDFLSDASD I CAN'T BELIEVE I JUST ADMITTED TO THAT

pamisgreat: please please please forget it

pamisgreat: Jim?

jimisawesome: wow

jimisawesome: so... what happens next in this fantasy?

pamisgreat: Let's just drop it. I am so embarrassed. Just forget it.

pamisgreat: But if you really want to know you'll just have to see for yourself.

jimisawesome: there's a flaw to that plan

She feels herself die a little and she's not sure if it's from embarrassment, frustration, heartbreak, or a little bit of everything.

jimisawesome: actually, two. 1) last time i tried, you just got all nervous and 2) the copy machine actually needs toner.

pamisgreat: Oh this fantasy definitely ends with toner in the copy machine ;)

God, what did that even mean? The wink at least made it look flirtatious, right?

jimisawesome: i don't really get the innuendo there

Dammit.

pamisgreat: Sorry, I'm a terrible flirt.

pamisgreat: And by that I mean I am terrible at it, not that I am terribly flirtatious.

jimisawesome: you don't give yourself enough credit

pamisgreat: Um. Ok.

pamisgreat: I think this conversation has taken a turn for the awkward...

jimisawesome: ... yeah maybe.

jimisawesome: so... how about that weather, eh?

She grinned.