Pam had her refreshing holiday at Green Gables and returned to Queen's the following term with a fresh mind, bolstered by Roy's adoration and the anticipation of art classes, she plunged into university life once more.  

Her art classes soon became the highlight of her week; the opportunity to sit in a room and draw and paint in blissful abandon was a great comfort to her. She learned more about perspective and shading, and soon the world became a color palette in her eyes.

She longed to tell someone about her work, and her friends listened politely, but it didn't pique their interests as it did to her. She knew precisely with whom she'd love to discuss it, but she was fully aware that their friendship was beyond repair.  

She settled upon writing letters to Phyllis and Kelly, but as dear as they were, they didn't always understand the artistic side of her, the ability to see beauty and substance in a teacup, an old shoe dropped carelessly in the gutter, the flutter of a curtain.

"Very well done, Miss Shirley," said her teacher one day as she showed him a series of sketches. "I'm pleased to see that you aren't thinking on too grand of a scale and are finding things in your own world to work with; this is an important skill." 

Her imaginary world of Averil and her ilk still occupied a corner of her mind; occasionally she indulged it, yet familiarity crept in to the drawings and they seemed infused with life. With this realization, she finally understood what Jim had tried to put into words all those months ago, and she ached to thank him.

She rarely saw him anymore; her art classes and studies kept her sequestered for most of the week, and her outings with Roy mainly took them to the athletic fields or to the park in which they had met. They walked hand-in-hand, and people smiled when they saw them.  

"Pam, it's all over campus that Roy is simply smitten," said Meredith one Sunday afternoon. Pam blushed.

"Look at her, she's as smitten as he is!" cried Katy, and even Angela smiled. "I'll bet he proposes, he's certainly ready. I heard from Jennie Allen that Edwin Clark says that Roy was in the jewelers' shop, looking at diamonds!" said Katy, and Pam's heart seemed to beat more quickly.  

The next time Roy came for a walk, she studied him intently. She loved how strong his hand was on hers, loved the way his face lit up when he saw her. She admired the passion with which he spoke of his sports and other endeavors and felt proud when he succeeded. And when their evenings ended, his goodbye kisses were tender and sweet.  

"Pam, how did you know you were in love with Roy?" asked Angela one spring afternoon, when the ground was thawing and new life was peeking through the gray and brown. The two friends were taking a much-needed break from studying; they both were intent on getting their teaching certificates in one year, rather than two. Katy and Meredith didn't share their desire or drive, and as Katy reminded them, "My father can afford to send me again." 

"Goodness, I don't know," said Pam. "It just...happened." Angela looked concerned. "How did you feel?" she asked, and Pam furrowed her brow. "I get a funny feeling in my middle when he smiles at me, and I like when we take walks and he kisses me goodnight, and it's just...comfortable." 

Angela nodded. "My...friend Noelle thinks she may be in love with a young man that she corresponds with, from her home town."

Pam nodded. "How lovely for your friend. I hope he's a wonderful boy," she said, and Angela's face pinked. "He's simply lovely. Noelle thinks very highly of him and his principles." Pam smiled and said nothing else on the subject.

Angela's queries lingered in Pam's mind for the next several weeks. She couldn't think of any other way to describe love but as just a comfort. Roy was so steady and strong, and it was true that being in love didn't carry the same zest she had imagined it to, but not everything could be as wonderful as she had imagined it. Roy was a dependable man and would take good care of her.  

Every time he called on her, she felt her stomach flip just a bit, wondering if tonight would be the night. She always took care that her hair and dress looked pleasing for the occasion, just in case. Still, the question never came, and she began to feel anxious. Was she doomed to be an old maid?  

She refused to neglect her studies, though, even with this prospect looming ahead, and she was rewarded at examination time. She felt certain that she had done well enough to pass, and felt that she had truly accomplished something to be proud of.  

That evening found her packing her trunk in preparation for her move back to Green Gables and looking forward to telling Bob and Phyllis all about the examination. Not surprisingly, Roy came to call for her, and Pam came down the stairs to the parlor, smiling nervously.

"He's a lovely young man," whispered Mrs. Griffin excitedly as she saw them to the door. Pam blushed, and was glad that she had pressed her pink dress.

Roy guided her toward the park, and they silently walked hand-in-hand. Pam's hand felt small in Roy's large one, and she smiled shyly at him when their glances met. Roy spoke first, and Pam's heart beat wildly when she realized that they were standing where they had first met, all those months ago.  

"Pam," he said, turning toward her and taking both of her hands in his, "I wanted to bring you here to tell you how very much I love you and to ask you to be my wife. I've got it all settled with Father, he's making me a partner in the business, and we can have a house here in town and you won't have to teach, my darling. I would be the happiest man in the world if you'll say yes. Will you marry me?" 

He pulled a shining diamond ring out of his pocket. It caught the glint of the setting sun and sparkled. Pam's breath caught in her throat, and as she opened her mouth, images began to flash in her mind: a house with a tiny garden, getting Roy's supper every night, spending every evening in a parlor and talking of rugby.

"I....can't!" she said wildly, and tears began to spill from her eyes. She felt it in an illuminating instant that she could never marry Roy, would never be happy or content to be his wife.  

"What do you mean?" he asked, disbelief and apprehension in his voice. Pam struggled for words through her tears. "I thought I could, but I can't!"  

Now Roy looked upset. "You've just been amusing yourself all these months?" he asked, a tinge of anger in his tone.  

"Truly, I haven't," Pam said, crying, "I thought I was in love with you, but I realize now that I was fooling myself." 

"But why?" asked Roy, anger and sadness present on his face, and she was ashamed for him of his naked emotion and despised herself for bringing it upon him. 

"I just...I want to teach, and I want to live in the country and we're just not...right together," Pam tried to explain, the words tumbling from her mouth. How could she explain it? She couldn't even articulate it in her own mind.

"You can give me no hope?" he asked, and Pam shook her head. "Then you're not the girl I thought you were. Goodbye, Pam," he said, and turning on his heel, he vanished into the twilight.  

She watched his broad shoulders grow smaller as he moved further away, and felt a desperate sadness. She had never meant to hurt him, she had always had the best intentions, but she simply could not be his wife. She moved through the dusk toward her boarding house, sobbing into a handkerchief.