All things considered, it was still nice to have him back. It would have been better if he had never left, though. Whatever happened to that easygoing, carefree happiness that used to carry him through each day, spilling over onto everyone else in the process. Well, everyone but Dwight, really. And everyone but Dwight really missed that guy. It was most certainly the six months of exposure to the sterile, unfeeling , soul-crushing environment of Josh Porter. Porter. Just thinking the name caused a foul smell to descend on the room for a moment. Porter. The second most egregious instance of everything wrong with the paper industry, behind only Toby Flenderson, convicted rapist. Jim would recover from the horrors of working under that self-righteous worm. It would just take a little time, a little Scranton, and a little inspiration from the boss. He was wounded, yes, but Dr. Scott knew just what to prescribe. Chili's, Hooters, some magic tricks, and a large helping of jokes. Jim would come around. Karen, on the other hand, may be irredeemable. Three full years she had toiled under Josh and his life-sapping, dream-wrecking regime. He may have crushed her soul completely by now. Michael had repeatedly brought out his big guns for her and she hadn't even cracked a smile. Prison Mike, Tarbash, Bill Cosby, the Governator, Michael Jackson. Nobody could seem to get through to her.

"What's on your mind Jim bag?"

Jim had entered with Karen, but before even settling in had diverted to Michael's office, and closed the door. He plopped down in one of the visitor chairs.

"Michael I don't really know how to say this... Karen and I... Karen and I are going to pursue a transfer to New York."

The room went silent. Jim was looking expectantly for a response. He looked more than a little nervous. Remember Wikipedia.

"OK Jim, you propose that you both leave. I say you both stay. So, mano a mano, I offer to meet you in the middle. Karen transfers. You stay. You have 24 hours." Genius. Your move Halpert.

Jim sighed and slumped down a little.

"Michael it's not like that. It's just there's too many things here that... well we need a fresh start with just the two of us."

Michael could sense the despair in Jim's voice. This hurt. This office was a family. He was the patriarch, the guiding light... a hipper, more comedic version of Jesus really... and these people were his flock. His family. Jim was his son. A wayward son at times but a son nonetheless. Karen was his bastard step-niece, warmly adopted from the abusive home of his now-disowned jerkoff half brother Josh. They were all family. And families stick together. This situation was unacceptable. He needed to bring in the big guns.

"Jim. This is all I ask. Give me till the end of the day to work up a counteroffer..."

"It's not about money Michael..." Jim interrupted but Michael promptly cut him off.

"PLEASE, Jim, at least give me a chance. I think you owe me this. Stick around till 6:30 tonight. Let's do it after everyone is gone"

"OK."

OK indeed. Advantage Scott. He had less than 8 hours to set up his plan.


**************************


Every once in a while Michael really scared him. He wore such a thick veil of sheer lunacy. He was capable of being so immature, so petty... so scathingly annoying. He was borderline incompetent at times, and he possessed a rampant, overpowering insecurity that caused him constantly jostle to be the center of attention. Despite all his flaws, though, there was a very real, pure, gentle kindness lurking just under his veil of blustery incompetence. Jim was a good salesman because he could get clients to like him. Michael, in contrast, was a great salesman because he genuinely liked his clients, and they had a hard time not liking him back. The moments when Michael dropped his insecurities and could just be himself were the moments that scared Jim. It was scary to know there was a warm, highly-capable man hiding under that thick, obnoxious shell. It made it very hard to tell what Michael was capable of. So as Jim made the short walk through the deserted office to the conference room he was a little afraid. Afraid that Michael would find the words to get him to stay.

Karen had gone to the gym. They had been working out together sporadically for the last few months, but Jim usually ended up lazily shooting hoops while Karen diligently climbed flight after flight of steps on the StairMaster. Before leaving, she had warned him to be strong, to remember their plans, and not to give in to Michael. He had assured her that it would be OK, secretly cherishing the opportunity to miss a boring gym visit.

Michael opened the conference room door and gestured inside with a flourish.

"Ready for you, sir..."

Jim smiled politely and stepped inside. And then he saw her. Pam. Sitting there looking as perplexed as he was. Jim hesitated. Michael pushed him inside, stepped in, and closed the door.

Pam spoke first... "Michael what's going on?"

He responded with a flourish, in his best magician's voice.

"I suppose you two are wondering why I called you both here today... In good time, all shall be revealed."

His tone turned serious.

"But first, I'd like to have a short prayer. Please... please."

Something was very wrong. As far as Jim knew, Michael was strictly a Christmas and Easter guy. He probably really did trust Apollo Creed more than Jesus. He certainly wasn't a prayer kind of guy. He reached out his hands. Pam stood up and slowly, cautiously grabbed Michael's right hand. Pam seemed to be surviving OK... Jim grabbed Michael's left hand with his right, and noticed Pam holding her right arm across toward him. Was this Michael's plan? Make him hold hands with Pam and have everything melt into place? Even for Michael this was ridiculous.

"Please, Jim."

Best to just get it over with. Jim reached out and grabbed Pam's extended hand, completing the triangle.

Michael launched into a sonorous, chant-like prayer.

"Oooooooooooooh sweet Jeeeeeesus......"

The prayer ended as spectacularly as it had begun. Jim felt the cold metal an instant before the click registered in his ear. Michael had exploded into motion. With his right hand, Michael had released Pam, whipped out a pair of handcuffs, and locked them onto Jim's right wrist. Jim instinctively recoiled his arm, but Michael pulled it forward with both his arms, and in one surprisingly agile motion, had grabbed a very surprised Pam's arm and locked her left wrist into the other cuff. Michael let go, and Jim's residual pulling motion yanked Pam forward a bit, causing her to let out a surprised yelp. Jim relaxed his arm.

"Michael this is crazy!" Jim's yell was drowned out by an even louder one from Michael.

"No YOU'RE crazy, Jim. I should have done this a long time ago. You two dummies aren't fooling anyone but yourselves. I'll be back in two hours. If you still want to leave, I'll even put in the paperwork for you."

Michael made for the door. Jim moved to block him but was held back by Pam, who was caught off guard by the sudden motion. The door slammed and Jim heard the lock clicking shut.


***********************

Had Michael seen the looks of longing passed in both directions? The looks of hurt on both their faces when Karen interrupted their now limited interactions. Maybe he had seen everything they hadn't seen. Everything they wouldn't see. Michael must have thought two hours of forced conversation between these two dummies would be enough to get them to see what he saw in them. He was wrong. So very wrong.

It took less than 10 minutes. 10 lousy minutes. Six months had passed since the merger and they couldn't have found 10 minutes to be honest with each other until Michael Scott had literally chained them together. All the lost time, the bad feeling, the anger, the resentment, the bitterness. All melted away in 10 little minutes. Gone.

Minutes 11-80 were punctuated by deep breathing and sloppy moans as these two adults, both approaching their 30th year, proceeded to make out like two horny junior high kids. At that point, Jim pulled away out of sheer exhaustion, to the dismay of the very same anatomical phenomenon that had gotten him in so much trouble earlier. He needed to catch his breath. They could chat for a while until Michael came and freed them. Then he had some sad business with Karen to attend to, followed no doubt by a much anticipated night in Beesly's fancy new apartment. Pam was smiling at him... that huge, happy smile that he so missed.

"You know, Beesly, I have new respect for the guy... even for Michael, this was pretty freakin crazy plan. I can't believe he came up with it"

Pam cast a little smile back his way.

"He didn't."