Spring 2007

MAY

It was a mild Thursday in May, and Pam paces in front of her dresser nervously.

She can't believe it had already been a year.

A year beginning with months of regret and pining and wondering and ending with a few glorious months of everything she'd ever dreamed of.

He walks into the room and smiles widely as he sees what she is wearing.

"That, might possibly, be my favorite piece of clothing you own." He says his voice full of admiration.

She turns to him and gives him a smile, running her hands over the silk of the skirt of her dress. "Oh yeah?"

"I had never seen you look more beautiful than you did in that dress last year." He says with a sigh. "You were…are…just…wow."

"You are just trying to butter me up." She rolls her eyes.

He comes up behind her and wraps his arms around her waist. He nuzzles her neck. "Is it working?"

"No." She says, seemingly exasperated. Her hands reach up to pin her hair off her face. "I am immune to your various charms."

His eyebrows rise at such a suggestion. "Hmmm. Is that so?"

"Yes." She turns in his arms and smiles up at him. A thought fills her mind and it leaves her face quickly.

He notices the change immediately.

"What's the matter?" He asks but he's pretty sure he already knows.

"Huh? What?" She blinks and tries to focus again.

His hand rests on her cheek and he levels his gaze at her. "Pam. What's wrong?"

She didn't know what to say, or how to explain what she was feeling, even to herself. "Nothing…I just…"

He's concerned. He hasn't seen her look so sad in a very long time. "We don't have to go if you don't want to."

"No. I do." She replies, almost too softly for him to hear. She absently picks a piece of lint off his sweater.

"Hey." His voice lowers and fills with concern. "Pam c'mon. What is it?"

She ducks her head again and doesn't meet his eyes. "It’s just that tonight doesn't exactly mark the most happy of anniversaries. I mean, all I can remember is…"

He can't believe she's actually worried about this. His arm tightens around her waist as his hand reaches up to tilt her chin, nudging gently until she's looking into his eyes.

"Do you honestly think that matters to me now?" He asks her, genuinely surprised.

"It matters to me." She whispers.

He doesn't want to argue with her so he kisses her quickly. "I don't think you have anything to worry about. C'mon…" He steps away and holds his hand out, smiling when she links her fingers with his and follows him out of the bedroom.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

She's been quiet all night. He knows this, even if she's not sitting next to him. He knows other people won't even notice.

But he does. He can't keep his eyes off her.

He hears a loud laugh behind him and sees a girl with curly blond hair, the girl Roy brought tonight. Normally, that would be the first reason he'd imagine for Pam's subdued mood but he knows that's not it.

Still, it prompts him to go and stand behind her as she giggles and rakes in the chips suddenly piled in front of her.

She really does have quite a knack for poker, he thinks as he stirs his drink.

He places a hand on her shoulder to let her know he's there. Her hand reaches up to cover his.

The gesture doesn't go unnoticed by Phyllis who catches Jim's eye and smiles softly. He nods and smiles widely as Pam squeezes his fingers lightly.

Reluctantly he steps back and watches as she continues to play, clapping when at long last she exhausts her supply of poker chips.

He tries to hand her a drink but she barely acknowledges it. His hand rests gently on the small of her back. She looks up at him and then walks towards the door. Slightly stunned he follows behind moments later.

He finds her outside, leaning against the building.

"Pam?"

She doesn't reply. She walks a few feet away, towards the center of the parking lot. He follows, wondering exactly what's on her mind now.

It seems it's the same thing as before.

"A year ago I was going to get married." She says as she gazes up at the moon.

He looks down at his feet, shuffles them a bit. "I know."

"You were the reason I didn't." She whispers, still not looking at him.

He doesn't answer.

"You were. I don't think I could have gone through with it - even if Roy hadn't screwed up the date."

"That's…good to hear." He replies, not really understanding where she was going with this.

"You’re the reason I'm in art school. You're the reason for everything." She says as she turns to face him, hugging her arms around her waist.

She's crying and his heart hurts immediately. He can't stand to see her cry.

"Pam." He breathes stepping closer to her, his arms aching to pull her close.

She steps just out of his grasp.

"No. You need to let me say this. I can't believe I was so cruel to you." Her voice breaking a bit.

"Pam." He fights to reassure her, reaching for her again.

She's shaking her head at him. "I can't believe I let you think you were all alone. I kissed you back and still never said anything. I watched you walk away because I was too scared to stop you."

He finally succeeds in closing his arms around her. He bends his head and whispers into her hair. "Shh. Stop. We've already talked about this. It's okay."

She fists his sweater in her hand and nestles in. She loves how he smells, spicy and clean. She smiles, knowing he's ruined her. Now, she can't ever do laundry without wanting to ravish him right after.

He's caught on to that fact and begins to look forward to Saturday mornings.

She takes a deep breath, her nerves calming a bit. "All night I just kept remembering how this night ended last year. The way you looked when you told me and I just…"

"C'mon. I told you it doesn't matter anymore, Pam and I meant it. You're with me now and that's all I ever wanted. Just you." His hands move to frame her face.

Her eyes are glistening with tears and he knows he's the reason. Though he'll always remember the gnawing ache he'd had when he tried to live without her, he was much more concerned with enjoying the time he had with her now.

Now that she was his he wasn't going to waste a minute dwelling on what was. Now all he can see is what will be.

He had intended to kiss her to make her understand but he suddenly realizes where they are. "You want to go somewhere else and talk about this?"

She knows what he's asking and though she'd enjoyed being cautious and keeping things quiet, it didn't seem to matter much anymore. Right now, she doesn't care the least bit who sees them together.

As a matter of fact, she feels like yelling it from the rooftops at the moment.

"No." She shakes her head at him.

She steps closer and his fingers threaded though her hair. His thumbs brush her cheeks, sweeping her tears away.

"No. I want to tell you this here, now, tonight. So that next year…"

He looks horrified. "OK. Honestly? If either one of us is still working here next year…"

"You're right." She smiles, almost laughs. "But I still want to tell you..."

"OK." He bends his head so that he can look into her eyes.

"I love you." She breathes, moving closer. "I know it took me a while to figure it out, but I promise I'll make it up to you."

He can't believe his luck, or what a difference a year makes. He'd been miserable and missing her and how she was right here in his arms. It had happened more slowly that he would have liked but he couldn't be happier.

There had been a time where he thought it would never happen at all.

But it had.

She couldn't believe it was true. A year ago she could have made the biggest mistake of her life. When she'd finally admitted it to herself she had thought she was way too late. Now that she knew what she could have missed she felt like latching onto him and never letting go.

She didn’t think he'd mind that at all.

From the look in his eyes right now she could tell she was right.

"I love you too." He smiles widely as he gazes down at her. "And just so you know. Your debt's pretty much paid in full, Beesly. There's no need to worry." He chuckles as he leans in to kiss her.

"Well, Halpert. Yours certainly isn't." She replies, her voice soft and sultry. She pulls him closer as she whispers. "Pay up and kiss me."