Winter 2007

MARCH

It’s an icy Tuesday in March and she sits in her car, waiting.

She’s so glad she had someone to call.

When her car broke down three quarters of the way to Philadelphia she panicked. First, upset that she’d miss her class, and then distraught at the prospect of having to pay for repairs, finally frightened that she seemed to be stranded out in the middle of nowhere.

She’s so cold she never thinks she’ll be warm again. She sits in her car, because even though frost is covering the windows from the inside now it’s still much warmer than it is outside. She sits there, thinking warm thoughts, of fireplaces, and wood burning stoves and steaming pots of tea.

And that's all it takes for her to start thinking of him.

She thinks about how it’s been since he’s been back. How nothing has happened. How when she got his little gift on Valentine’s Day she’d thought it meant something more.

When he said he owed her kisses she was banking on them not being the chocolate kind. Had she read the whole thing all wrong?

Was he just trying to let me down easy? Is that was this was about?

That can't be it. Can't possibly be. Because if it is, she doesn’t know if she’d be able to take that.

She’s so lost in her thoughts she jumps when she hears a gentle knock on her window.

And suddenly, he’s there.

“Hey.” She says as she opens the door and steps out.

“Hi.” He replies his breath coming out in quick puffs the air is so cold it makes it look like smoke. “Sorry it took me so long.”

She can’t believe he’s even trying to explain himself. “No. Jim. Please. Thanks for coming.”

The whole drive he kept wondering what he could actually do to help the situation. Cars weren’t exactly his thing. He could change a tire and check the oil and use jumper cables like no ones business but if it was anything more serious than that he wasn’t sure what he’d be able to do.

Roy could probably rebuild the entire engine.

But she didn’t call Roy did she? She called him.

Despite his less than stellar automotive skills, hearing her frantic voice on the other end of the phone he knew there is no way he wouldn't come running.

He sinks ungracefully into the driver's seat, wincing a bit because it’s so close to the steering wheel. Despite her frozen condition she giggles slightly at the picture he makes as he slides the seat backwards.

He looks up at her apologetically. “I’m not really good at this kind of thing but let me take a quick look.”

“O-k-kay.” She nods, teeth chattering.

He stares up at her and can’t believe how cold her car is. He feels guilty for taking so long to get here. “Pam. Go sit in my car. Please. I’ll be right there.”

She can’t move her lips so she nods again and scurries to his car, sighing with relief when the heat hits her skin.

He joins her moments later, his phone in his hand. He snaps it shut as he settles in beside her.

“It’s not the battery I don’t think, and it isn’t exactly safe to stay out there. Triple A will be here in a half hour.” He gives her a scolding look. “Which – by the way – you need to join.”

“I k-k-k-now. I’m s-s-s-sorry.” She looks straight ahead, her hands hovering over the heating vents.

“Did you not have gloves?” Jim blinks as he watches her. “Pam. What is the matter with you?” He sighs as he takes her hands in his. He quickly rubs her frigid fingers in his own. He brings her hands to his lips, blowing on them gently before he plants a kiss squarely on each of her palms. “God. You’re freezing…”

He’s so concerned about warming her up what he’s just done doesn’t even register.

She notices. She sits there stunned and gazes at him, her eyes bright.

He drops her hands as if they’ve burned him. He didn’t mean to do that. It’s just that she was so cold and he…

He ducks his head and murmurs an apology. “Pam. I’m sorry…”

“Are you?” She whispers.

“I…” His head snaps up as he gazes at her unsure of how exactly to respond.

Her reaction is not at all what he's expecting. Actually, it's not quite true. He'd been waiting for some kind of reaction since he'd come back. But she'd kept her distance and he didn't know at all what to do about it.

She called him and talked about kisses. She'd assumed he'd been dating in Stamford. And the truth was he had, but it never really went anywhere.

Because he was too hung up on her to start anything remotely serious.

That day six months ago, when he'd thought she'd called, had ruined pretty much any chance the "new" girl had. He'd spent their date that night talking her ear off about Pam, about how much he missed her, about how he was pretty sure there'd be no one else in the world for him and how he didn't know exactly what to do about it.

Pam stares at him and has no idea what he's thinking. She sees the uncertainty in his face and she can't bear it. It's too much. It's been too long. She's been far too cautious all this time and she just can't seem to do it anymore.

Don’t do it, Pam. Don’t let the moment pass you by. You’ve done that before and look where it’s gotten you. Forget that other girl. Just tell him. Tell him now before it’s too late.

She can't really see his expression. She wishes she could. Then she'd be able to figure it out. The only light is coming from the dashboard. It barely illuminates his face as her eyes lock with his.

“Don’t be sorry. Please, Jim. Don’t be sorry.” She says softly, her voice choked with tears.

“Pam.” He breathes, not daring to hope.

She takes a deep breath and puts her still chilly hands on either side of his face. He doesn’t move and inch, just holds her gaze.

“I’m the one who’s sorry. I’m so sorry. I let you think you were the only one who felt...something. I let you think you were alone. I didn’t say anything to make you stay. But I was just so scared.” She tries to explain. She inches closer, her eyes fluttering closed.

“Please tell me I’m not too late. Tell me you don't want her now instead.” She sighs as she whispers against his lips. “Please tell me there’s still time. Because…”

Tentatively, ever so slowly she touches her mouth to his. “…because I’m not afraid anymore.”

He tries to reply but he can’t. He’s too busy being kissed. She pulls him closer, her hands threading into his hair.

“You’re not too late Pam.” He whispers.

Her lips part under his and she sighs again, inching closer and deepening the kiss. He responds instantly, as if he has any choice, as if he hasn’t been waiting for this moment for what seems like his whole life.

His hands slide around her waist, slipping under her coat and her sweater is as soft as he’d always imagined. He pulls her closer, his lips gliding across her cheek, burying his nose in her hair.

She’s not having it. She moans softly as her hands move to the back of his neck and she drags his mouth back to hers.

“Just…kiss me …” She pleads, her breath becomes ragged. “Please…”

She doesn’t have to ask him twice.

He’d been stunned at first, but now he’s right there with her. While she initiated the first kiss, now he takes over, leaning across the gearshift and twisting in his seat so he can feel her pressed tightly against him. It’s everything he’d ever imagined, even though he can’t say he’d ever imagined making out with her in the front seat of his car in the frigid cold.

She shivers again as his fingers brush her waist, just below the hem of her cardigan. Her own hands fist his shirt and then move to tug gently on his tie.

She can barely keep the smile off her face she’s so happy.

He’s pleased to find her skin finally warm to the touch as his fingers inch up and under her sweater.

He hears her gasp and he smiles right back at her.

“So you’re not dating her?” She asks breathlessly.

He has absolutely no idea what she's even talking about. “What? Who?”

“That…girl.” She says, pulling him back towards her again.

“What do you think?” He asks her incredulously.

She tries to reason it out in her mind but her head is spinning to fast to focus. “I’m thinking, probably not.” She agrees as she leans close and kisses him sweetly.

He chuckles as her mouth seeks his again. “I’m thinking you’re probably right.”

A huge grin fills her face as she leans close, her lips moving over his painstakingly slowly, like she has all night.

He’s inclined to give her all the time she needs.

“So that’s what this was all about.” He chuckles as she rests her forehead against his for a moment, having finally come up for air. “If I knew you dragged me out here just to attack me…”

“Shut up.” She commands him gently as her eyes remain closed.

“I mean, Pam. I understand if you wanted to get me alone…” His words are lost on her lips as her mouth covers his once more.

“Shut. Up.” She repeats, completely exasperated, sighing when his arms close around her again.

“OK.” He finally agrees.

They both decide that talking is incredibly overrated.

Despite the fact that she'd practically been frozen solid a few moments before, Pam pulls away slightly and tries to shake her coat off her shoulders. His hands move to help her and as soon as her arms are free her hands tug on his tie again, this time a little more forcefully.

"Pam." He cautions her, when she finally loosens it enough to reach the top button of his shirt.

It seems she's not in the mood to listen.

"Pam." He tries again as her nimble fingers yank his shirttails from the waist of his pants.

His own hands itch to help her get in a similar state of undress but deep in the back of his mind he knows this isn't a good idea.

Even though this quite possibly could be the most amazing night of his life.

"Pam." He struggles to keep himself under control as his hands close gently around her shoulders and he pushes her back a bit.

"What?" She breathes, her fingers clawing at his clothes once more.

He laughs - the sound so joyful it seems to bounce off the roof of the car. He gently pushes her hair back off her face. "Um…it's not that I don't want to finish what we've um…just started…"

"OK." She sighs as her eyes flutter closed and she leans towards him again.

He leans back further and smiles widely. "It's just that, any minute…"

As the words leave his mouth the yellow flashing lights of a tow truck are cast across their faces.

"Oh my God." Pam's eyes go wide as she stares up at him.

Beyond captivated with her, he leans close and kisses her softly as his hands, though shaky, quickly put himself back in some semblance of order.

"Hey." He whispers as he watches her shrug her coat back on and smooth down her hair.

She stares at him, a look of terror in her eyes. "Yeah?"

He ducks his head quickly and then makes himself meet her gaze again. "We um…we kind of need to talk about all…this…"

Her stomach flips over at the look in his eyes. "I know."

"It's going to be OK, Pam. We'll figure it out." He says with a smile, hoping to reassure her. His hand runs though her curls and comes to rest on her cheek. He stares at her intently. "Actually, it'll be better than OK."

When she's able to find her voice she nods. "OK."

"Just sit tight." He winks as he opens the door and goes out into the cold to meet the mechanic. "I'll be right back."

"Alright." She whispers back as she turns around in her seat and watches him go. She can't believe it's true.

Her world has been in chaos for so long she forgot the feeling. But it's back and she relishes in it, knowing how lucky she is to be getting a second chance. It'll be different and a bit scary and she never thought it could happen, but it seems that it has.

Everything is suddenly right again.