There’s a yellow post it note affixed to her monitor that reads in big, block letters, “YOU ARE CAPABLE.” It’s silly and Dr. Phil-esque, but she needs it. A blank page in her sketchbook taunts her as she taps her pencil against it. A glance up at the rest of Dunder Mifflin Scranton shows her co-workers hard at work for once, avoiding the reception desk. Jim’s neck is tense and his eyes haven’t moved from his monitor since 9:05 this morning. It’s 11:00.
She doesn’t know what to do or what to say to make it right with anyone. How do you reassure people that you like them after you bitch them out for not going to your art show? How do you clear that mess of tension?
How do you make him look at you again?
She sighs, she needs to talk to someone, anyone, and runs through her options. Kelly, alienated. Michael, not helpful. Jim, alienated. Angela, alienated and would judge. Dwight, oh, God, how desperate is she? Toby…Toby? Toby. Perfect. After all, listening is his job, right?
Immediately, she snaps her sketchbook closed and leaves the reception area, heading toward Toby’s desk. She’s so intent on finding him that she doesn’t notice Jim’s eyes leave his monitor and follow her.
Toby isn’t at his desk, so she leans around the dividing wall, and Kelly and Ryan are missing as well. She takes a deep breath; it’s a quest. She scurries toward the break room and hits the jackpot, finding the three of them sitting around a table. Kelly is crying, Ryan is disinterested, and Toby looks like he wants to shoot himself.
“And I know she wanted us to go to her art show and I sort of kind of wanted to too, but then I started watching E! True Hollywood Story on Laci Peterson, and oh my God, Scott Peterson? Creepo! But I got sucked in and then by the time I looked up it was eight o clock and Ryan was picking me up at 8:30 and I had to look good, you know?” Kelly hiccups a couple times during her speech and Pam has to cover her mouth the keep from giggling.
“Uh huh.” Toby says before he notices her. A panicked expression comes over his features and he clears his throat. “Um, Pam? This is supposed to be private-”
Kelly turns and there’s mascara all over her face. She gets out of the chair and rushes toward Pam, “Oh, Pam, I’m sorry I didn’t go to your art show. I do think that we’re friends and like I was telling Toby, I got sucked into E! True Hollywood Story-”
Pam doesn’t say anything, just hugs Kelly, and it’s a rare sort of beautiful moment. She lets go and says, “Don’t worry about it Kelly.” She pauses, “Would you…maybe want to go shopping this weekend? I was thinking about getting some new clothes…”
“Yes!” Kelly squeals and claps her hands, “OhmyGod, we could totally go to that big outlet mall that just opened up, and we could listen to this awesome Pink song on the way down, and Pam! Oh my gosh, we will totally get you some kick ass outfits to seduce,” Kelly pauses and lowers her voice, “Jim!” She winks, “I’m going to go start planning it now. Ryan, are you coming?”
Dutifully, Ryan begins to follow Kelly out of the break room. He stops while passing Pam and hugs her, awkwardly. “I’m rooting for you.”
“Ryan!” Kelly calls.
Ryan sighs and grins to himself and leaves the break room. Pam closes the door behind him, in utter disbelief; it’s almost as though Ryan is a part of the office for once instead of a bystander.
“You needed to talk to me, Pam?” Toby asks. Still dazed, she turns and leans against the door. Toby clears his throat and continues. “Thank you, by the way. It was only a matter of time before Kelly went into celebrity babies.” If he’s looking at her with a queer sort of intensity, she doesn’t notice.
“Toby, I…” She trails off, and looks up at the ceiling. “Toby, I’m in love with Jim Halpert.” It feels good to actually say it out loud…not to say “I miss Jim” or “I called off my wedding because of Jim”, which, while both true, are only hints at the truth. Hints haven’t been working, but the truth liberates.
Toby’s face registers disappointment for the briefest of moments before he half laughs in reply. “I guessed as much.” He clenches his jaw, keeping the bitterness at bay. Jim doesn’t deserve her anymore. Not after the way he’s dismissed her, not after the way he’s morphed into a corporate tool. Then again, Pam seems to go for men who don’t deserve her. “Did you hear that he and Karen are applying for the position in New York?”
All of the blood drains from Pam’s face. “What?”
