4.

It was really dark out here in the in middle of nowhere. Pam leaned against the window and watched the vague shapes of trees whiz past her as the bus made its way back to Scranton. This return trip was a lot quieter than the song-filled journey this morning. She suspected that this somber turn was largely her fault.  People didn’t like to be awkwardly confronted with things…even if they were the truth.

She could hear Michael snoring loudly a few seats behind her as well as the occasional whoosh of Kevin dealing a new hand of cards, but even Kelly’s voice was silent. There were tears in her eyes, partially because her feet hurt like hell and partially because her adrenaline high had slowly dissipated and she was left wondering if in the shock of little, mousy Pam speaking her mind, she had actually been heard and understood.

She felt a weight settle into the seat next to her…heard a throat clear.

“You were very brave today, Pam. That took a lot of courage.” She shifted in her seat and looked away from the window. He was staring straight ahead, as if he’d catch something if he looked at her.

“Thanks, Dwight. You were very brave too. We were the only ones to actually walk through fire.” He took off his glasses and rubbed them with a corner of his shirt.

“You were much braver, though. You actually said how you feel. Out loud. In front of Michael and everybody.” He cleared his throat again. “ I should point out, though, that had we been attacked by a bear or a troop of ninjas, I would have surpassed you in bravery.” He was smiling now, as if he was in on every joke she had ever made at his expense.

“I know Dwight. I have no doubt about that. I also know that you don’t need to worry about being brave in other….um areas. Maybe some secrets are more fun being kept.”   She thought back to the time when Jim’s feelings for her were a secret as were hers for him. Despite all of the unrequited emotions, they had at least been friends. They were nothing now. He hadn’t said a word to her after she told him how she felt. Tears started to form again in the corners of her eyes.

Dwight sighed loudly. “I don’t know why you don’t keep a handkerchief with you, Pam. You may use mine again, but this time I expect it to come back washed.” He whipped out his monogrammed cloth with a gentlemanly flourish. She noticed then that he was holding a small jar on his lap. “Oh, and Angela wanted me to give you some of her aloe butter. It’s all natural and it works wonders on burns. She…she thought you were very brave too.”

“You’ll have to thank her for me.” Pam leaned over and gave Dwight a kiss on the cheek. It was dark, but she knew he was probably blushing.

“Just know, Pam….you have two friends in the office. I can’t guarantee we’ll be fun…but we’re there.”

“I know.” She leaned back in her seat and she and Dwight rode together in companionable silence. She must have dozed off for a few minutes, because she was startled awake by the sound of someone else clearing his throat.

“Hey, ah, Dwight….could I sit there for a few minutes? I’d like to um….talk to Pam.” His voice was low and scratchy….the way it was back on Casino Night.

“I think that is highly inappropriate, Jim. Haven’t you caused enough trouble today? Betraying Michael and…and….” Pam cut him off and put her hand on his shoulder.

“It’s okay, Dwight. I can handle it. I’ll know where you are if I need you.” Dwight got up and relinquished his seat. Instead of heading back to his single seat in the back, though, Pam was glad to see him head up front to sit with Angela. At least someone would end up happy tonight.

As Jim settled into the seat next to her, she felt the warmth of his body and a curtain of tension. His baseball cap was pulled low over his face and it was impossible to read his eyes…to know what direction he was going to take this in.

“Look, Jim….you don’t have to….we don’t have to do this here.”

“Do what, Pam? Point out all my failings as a friend and a human being?” He sounded more hurt than angry. “Wait….I’m sorry…that’s not…that’s not how I wanted this to start.”

“Jim, I’m not going to apologize for what I said. I meant every word of it. You’ve been a shitty friend. I’ve been trying…I really have. I gave you that prank on Dwight for Christmas; I stuck up for your girlfriend countless times…even incurring the wrath of Angela. I even tried to apologize to you and you….you were a complete and total dick about it. It hit me today…watching you and Karen act the way that we used to, that what I regret the most about the way I handled things last May wasn’t not ending up with you…it was that we weren’t friends anymore.” Her voice was getting a bit quivery, but all she had to do was press her foot down and irritate one of her blisters. The pain and the memory of her walk through fire kept her from losing it completely. She was ready for him to lash out at her and tell her how she had handled things wrong…bring up her little ‘we’re friends…we’ll always be friends’ speech from the day of the merger. She could handle it...for the first time she really felt like the Fancy New Beesly he had once told her she was.

His voice was soft. “I know. I’m sorry. Things are weird….they do suck and they’re complicated. ”He gestured his head almost imperceptibly toward the front of the bus where she knew Karen was sitting. She started to speak again, but he cut her off.  “Wait.” He reached over and put his large hand over hers and gave a slight squeeze. “But Pam…..we’ll figure this out. I promise.”

“Jim….it’s going to be….it’s going to be hard.” She felt childish and petty for testing him like this, but she needed to know if he was sincere.

“That’s what she said.” He chuckled slightly and squeezed her hand a little tighter. She let out all of the air she had been holding in her lungs and felt 200 pounds lighter. She knew that she was sitting next to her friend. They had a lot to work through, but she had hope that they could work this out and come through it stronger and better than before. Maybe they’d end up together, and maybe they wouldn’t. Either way, it would be okay.

But for right now, his hand was on hers, her head was on his shoulder, and they were hurtling through the darkness….together.