Sometimes Pam wishes that she smoked.

If she had a cigarette clutched between her fingers, she’d have something to do with her hands when she’s confronted by a difficult situation like she is now. Back when she had Roy’s ring around her finger, she'd twist it and turn it, looking at it like it was an oracle that could always tell her what to do…or what not to do. She realizes that she doesn’t need an oracle anymore. She’s come through the fire like a phoenix and in a way, she’s been reborn.  So she shoves her hands in her pockets and looks straight ahead.

“Go ahead, Karen….I’m listening.”

Karen lets out a long sigh and takes in a breath, like she’s been rehearsing this and she just needs to start with one word and everything else will follow.

“You know, Pam….for the last few hours, I’ve been trying to figure out when my life turned into a soap opera.  Love triangles…public declarations of love….and me, the other woman who is trying to come between THE couple…the Bo and Hope, the Luke and Laura…the…the Jim and Pam”. Her voice is softer.

“Karen, that’s not what I mean—“

“I know what you meant, Pam. I know you weren’t trying to cause a scene. I know you didn’t want to hurt anyone….you never do, do you?” There’s an odd kind of almost bitterness now in Karen’s tone. “I’m not trying to blame you, I’m not…..I’m not that kind of person. I know in my head that what you said tonight was the truth….that you miss your….your friend.  You told Jim off, you called him on his bullshit and part of me wants to applaud you for standing up for yourself….for having your you-go-girl-Oprah moment. But my heart…it’s more concerned with what you didn’t say.”

For the first time since this started, Pam looks down at the ground. Karen is treading near raw earth she hoped would be left untouched tonight. Karen can yell at her for embarrassing her or for trying to win Jim back (thought that really wasn’t she was trying to do) or for making a public spectacle, but she has no right to head where she is right now.

“I don’t know what you mean. I just needed to say that I was sick of how I was being treated. I didn’t plan on saying it, it just sort of happened and I’m sorry that it involved you. I’m not sorry I said it, but I’m sorry if you were hurt or angered or….”

Karen cuts her off with the quiet question that Pam’s been so afraid to ask herself.

“Do you love him?”

“What?”

“Come on, Pam. You can’t claim you don’t understand the question this time. It’s simple. Do you love Jim?”

“I don’t see how that’s relevant. I’m not trying to break you guys up. You have a real….a real connection.” She hates herself for borrowing Jim’s cruel words about her and Roy and throwing them back at Karen, but she’s not prepared and she doesn’t have the rush of the coal-walk fueling her words now.

“Not relevant?”  Karen’s laughing now, but there’s still something sad in her eyes. “I moved here to Scranton because of Jim….just like you called off your wedding BECAUSE of him. Man, he has some sort of power over women, doesn’t he? I moved here to this nothing town for a pretty nothing job because of him. I stayed here because of him. I stayed with him even after he told me that he still had feelings for you. Did you know he did that? Didn’t hedge….didn’t lie…just told me straight out when I asked him. One killer ‘yes’ straight to my gut. But I stayed with him even after that because he promised me he’d try….and because by then it was too late. I was in love with him. Or at least I thought I was. “

Karen realizes she’s been rambling and moving away from what she had wanted to…needed to find out tonight. She stops her words, stops her breath and just stops for a second.

Pam’s mouth is set in a firm line and she’s blinking a lot…not because she wants to cry, but because she’s trying so hard to hold everything in. The motion of her eyelids, matching the rhythm of her beating heart, centers her, gives her something to focus on that isn’t Karen…that isn’t Karen’s question.

Karen decides to try again. “Maybe I really should have gone all soap opera on you…asked you into the powder room and attacked you. Michael would like a catfight.”

Pam laughs a little while wondering how far away from this scenario Karen really is.

“Just…..Pam. I know you don’t think it’s any of my business, but maybe it would help you to say it out loud. You said you were trying to be honest. This is your chance. Besides, I thought I was your friend….unless that was pretend?”

“No…..I hope we’re still friends.”

“Then please….just let me know. Do you love him?

Pam takes her hands out of her pockets and holds them palms up at her sides as if to show that there’s nothing up her sleeves. The embers of the earlier coal-walk must still be alive somewhere deep inside of her, because when she answers, Pam swears she sees a hint of steam.

“Yes.”