“Yes.”

The word seems to hang out there in the space between them and Pam can’t shake the feeling that it’s important that she said it out loud here….in the parking lot.

Karen nods slowly and chews the inside of her cheek. She shuffles her feet and says, almost to herself, “It’s settled then.” A few more seconds pass and Pam wonders if she should just leave. She’s done enough harm here…more than enough.

 Just when Pam’s about to fish her key out of her pocket and hop in her car, Karen speaks again, more clearly this time. “Can we…..can we sit down a second? There are some more things I need to tell you.”  

“Karen, really….I’m so sorry. I really am. I don’t have any claim to Jim and the only reason I said what I said is that I understand that things will never be the way they used to be. I missed my chance and he’s moved on. And honestly…..that’s fine. You are so great for him and I’m not just saying that. I just want my friend back. It sucked today to sit on the sidelines and watch you guys have fun. It just brought home how much I miss that. I understand if you don’t want me anywhere near him and Michael told me that you guys are planning on going to New York together, so it doesn’t really matter anyway, I guess but…..”

“He’s still in love with you.”

Pam’s explanation sticks in her throat.  She looks down….shakes her head and for the first time all evening starts picking at her thumbnail.

“No. He’s not. You don’t need to say that.”

“Pam….can we sit down….please?”

Pam is grateful for the chance to do something other than stand there mutely and try to figure out what exactly Karen’s agenda here is. This is the worst angry girlfriend speech she’s ever heard. Karen’s supposed to tell her to leave her man alone….to forget about him. She’s not supposed to tell her that Jim’s still in love with her.  She gestures towards the curb and she and Karen go and sit down.

Karen’s clutching her knees up by her chest, resting her chin on them. Pam kicks off her shoes and sits with her legs straight in front of her, letting the cool, evening air caress the bottoms of her feet. She supports herself by placing her hands on the ground behind her and she tilts her head back to look for the stars. There aren’t any tonight, but she looks anyway.

Someone needs to speak and Pam wants to set the record straight.

“Karen,  Jim has moved on. He’s got you….he’s  got a new life. And in case you haven’t noticed, I don’t really exist to him these days, unless it’s for some snarky comment or as an afterthought.” The scene in the break room after Roy’s attack plays over and over in her mind. She knows that Jim doesn’t love her. Not even a little.

Karen laughs a little and rocks back and forth a few times. “You don’t get it, do you?  Let me ask you….when did you get back together with Roy?”

Pam has given up on fighting this and questioning Karen’s questions. She had said she was going to be honest and it isn’t like this is a secret.  “At Phyllis’ wedding….we danced together and then we….we went back to his place.”

“Bingo. That’s when it started.”

“When what started?”

“The Pam hate. The really nasty comments about you.  He’d make them over dinner, he’d make them when we’d be out at the mall. Little things from way out in left field like ‘You can’t trust Pam’ or ‘I wouldn’t listen to Pam, she never knows what she’s talking about.’ He’d criticize your clothes, your hair, the way you kissed him…..” Karen looks over at Pam and realizes she’s said enough.

Pam’s shaking and she feels like she could throw up. Why does Karen need to do this to her? She told Karen she knew that Jim had fallen out of love with her and from the things Karen is telling her, he fell pretty far and pretty fast.

“I had thought that maybe you had argued or maybe you weren’t as good of friend as he’d led me to believe, but tonight…when you told him about calling off your wedding, I figured it out.” Karen reaches over and puts her hand on Pam’s shoulder. “You don’t hate your friend for trying to be happy. You don’t hate your friend for hooking up with the wrong guy. You feel sorry for her….you worry about her….but you don’t hate her unless……unless you are in love with her yourself.”

“That’s not what I wanted.”

“I know. It’s not what I wanted either, trust me.” Karen chuckles ruefully and Pam can’t help but smile at her. This certainly wasn’t what she expected when she woke up this morning or even after she made her speech at the beach.

“Karen. You can’t tell him what I told you here. He deserves to be happy and we’re so dysfunctional as it is.  Just go to New York, make him happy and forget about me.”

“So, after all that stuff about honesty and walking through fire, you’re just going to lie down and be a martyr, Pam? Frankly, that disappoints me.”

Pam doesn’t know what to say. She’s confused, hurt and a tiny bit hopeful. The jumble of emotions has left her dizzy and she wishes Karen would just say goodnight so she could process all of this. She wants this over, though, as quickly as possible....like her run across the coals. She turns to Karen and asks the only question that makes sense at this point.

“So…..what do we do now?”