“So….what do we do now?”

Pam tilts her head back again and notices that a few stars have started to come out. She wonders how hot they would burn if she were able to float up and touch them. She realizes she’s being silly…that of course the stars would burn her…they would consume her.  In a way, those dying coals back on the beach have consumed her as well. After her revelations and her talk with Karen tonight, she is surely not the same person she was before and she honestly, doesn’t know how to be this newer version of new Pam. She doesn’t know if she wants to be.

“Isn’t it obvious?” Karen has extended her legs now and she’s making lazy circles on the asphalt with her toe. “I’m going to break up with him.”

“Karen. That’s not necessary. I know I’ve said it before, but that’s not what I wanted…not what I want. You’ll destroy him and leave him even more broken than I did.”

“Listen. I’m at the point, Pam, where I don’t care what you want. I don’t mean that to sound harsh or cruel….but anything I do from here on out….I’m doing for me.” Her voice gets husky as if it will break. “…or for Jim.”

“Breaking up with him, though? You shouldn’t have to give up on what you want just because I made a mess of my life a year ago.” Pam is starting to get angry. Why can’t Karen just tell her to stay away from them?  Even if, as Karen says, Jim still loves her, he doesn’t want to be with her….he wants to be with Karen.

 When she looks over at Karen she sees her wiping her eyes with the back of her fist and her eyes are glistening in the darkness, like the stars she was contemplating moments before. When Karen finally speaks, though, there’s no hint of sadness in her voice. It’s clear and firm….resolute.

“Sometime next week, I’m going to tell him that we’re over….that we want different things. I’ll let him know that it isn’t him….it’s me. I’ll think of something.  I think he’s sensed that something isn’t quite right for a while anyway. I’m going to leave him, but I’m going to keep my dignity.”

“Why are you doing this?” Karen is either the most fool-hearty person she’s ever met…or the strongest.

Karen’s voice is back in its low, soft register. “Because no matter what, Pam, he’ll eventually choose you.”

“What?”

“In the soap-opera that is my life….Jim will ultimately choose you. It won’t matter if you’ve been married six times, lost your memory, come back from the dead or gained an evil twin. We could have some good years…maybe even a lot of them, but at some point, he’s going to wish that he had chosen you. I just figure that it will hurt a hell of a lot less now then somewhere down the road. I told you, I’m doing this for me.  And you know Jim….he won’t want to think that he’s hurt me by choosing you over me. That will eat him up too and he’s already a shell. That’s why I’m going to leave on my terms….my way.” Karen starts to get up. She brushes off her backside and fishes for her car keys in her sweatshirt pocket. “I probably won’t be in to work tomorrow…I don’t know if I’ll be back.”

Pam isn’t finished with this, though. “Karen, that’s no guarantee that we’ll get together.”

Karen sighs and moves so that she’s standing right in front of Pam. “There’s also no guarantee that you won’t.”  She turns to leave, but thinks of something and turns. “Pam, you have to promise me that you won’t tell him about this. You won’t tell him why I left him.”

Pam bites her bottom lip and pushes herself up with her arms. Her legs have kind of gone to sleep and they are tingling. She walks toward Karen.

“I promise. But you know, the one lesson I learned from soap operas is that secrets eventually have a way of coming out. Of course it’s usually at big parties or weddings or after the birth of a baby.”

Karen laughs a little and it seems like a genuine laugh….free of what’s been weighing her down most of the evening.  “That’s true. Maybe someday, then he’ll find out….just not right away, okay?”  Pam feels like this should be the point where she hugs her or shakes her hand or something, but that doesn’t seem right.  So she offers Karen the only thing she can.

“Thanks…maybe some day….”

“No offense, Pam, but I don’t think so.” And with that, Karen is in her car and gone. Her disappearing tail lights shining red in the night like the coals she walked on what seems a lifetime ago.

Before getting in her car, Pam looks up one last time at the stars. The ones that were there earlier have disappeared behind some clouds, but she’s sure that she can feel them trying to consume her all the same.