Chapter 3 – Modern Romance

[Author’s Note: Check out this song by the Yeah Yeah Yeahs.]

“What?”

There’s a long moment of silence between them, and the only sound is that of the fan turning overhead. Jim thinks he had to have misheard her. Holding a glass of water in his hand, he takes a step closer to where she sat on the couch, bare white legs folded beneath her.

“I thought you just said you were fired.” Involuntarily, his voice jumps higher at the end of the sentence, turning it into a question.

Amazingly, Pam smiled. “It’s okay. Seriously.”

It definitely isn’t okay. My ex-girlfriend became our boss, and suddenly, after five years of working, you’re fired? He tries to keep the anger from his voice as he asks her what happened.

Pam told him the story. “Apparently I didn’t realize how important the website project was.” She looked down. “I guess I wouldn’t have taken it on if I’d known.”

Calmly, Jim crossed the room, sat down beside her and put an arm around her. “I’m really sorry, Pam. This is my fault.”

She looked surprised. “No, it’s really not, Jim. I messed up. But it’s okay. You know? Maybe this is the best possible thing that could’ve happened to us.”

“But how can she just … fire you?” He can’t even say her name. He’s done well at keeping calm, but that’s only for Pam’s sake. Generally, he has a very even-tempered disposition – but not when you cross someone he cares about. “How could Michael let this happen?”

Pam shrugs. “Michael doesn’t really have any say in things anymore. I guess I was surprised that Ryan allowed it, but …”

“Yeah, me too.” He’d always thought Ryan was a cool guy – albeit one who complained about the state of his life pretty often without doing anything to change it. For the first few years, Ryan had whined constantly to Jim about hating Dunder Mifflin, hating Michael, hating Kelly – but had he made a change, broken up with his chatty girlfriend? That was the difference between them – Jim acted on things.

“Don’t worry, Pam. I’ll talk to Toby tomorrow. She can’t do this.” He squeezes her shoulder. “We’ll fix this.”

“Hmmm,” Pam said. “I guess I should probably start looking for a new job. Maybe this is an opportunity for me to figure out what I really want to do. Maybe today is the first day of the rest of my life,” she said, cracking a smile.

He tries to smile back, but the thought of Karen sitting smug on her couch with a carton of ice cream – perhaps throwing darts at a picture of him – was haunting him.

Still, he can’t imagine passing those long afternoons at work without her smiling face behind the front desk. And Karen couldn’t simply take out her rage at both of them by getting Pam fired. It was stupid of him to think that she was okay with the way things had ended in New York. And if his ex was going to get her revenge by trying to make him unhappy, that was one thing. He could handle that. But making Pam unhappy, even in the smallest way – that was a whole other story.

Later, in bed, with Pam cuddled beside him, their feet battling for space, he leans over into her hair. “I don’t want to go without you tomorrow,” he says, suddenly sounding like a little kid. “This isn’t fair.”

“It’s okay,” she replies, holding onto his arm, which is draped across her front. But she’s still awake long after he isn’t, watching the fan above her, turning and turning.

* * *

Jim collects Pam’s things in the morning. There aren’t many – a potted fern, a half-used sketchbook, a small framed photo of her mom – so it doesn’t take him long. He thinks for a minute that the desk actually smells like Pam – and again, feelings of anger and frustration sweep over him.

The office seems quiet, lonely without her. Everyone seems somber. Even Kelly keeps to herself, plugging in her iPod while inputting numbers into the computer in the back. Jim folds himself into his seat and flips on his computer. When his Outlook opens, he stares at his e-mails, clicks on some of them, goes through the motions of doing work. But his heart isn’t in it. He wonders what Pam’s doing – if she’s still sleeping, if she’s crunching on a bowl of cereal and watching bad TV.

At 9:15, Karen arrives, clad in a new business suit beneath a new, expensive-looking raincoat. Jim keeps his eyes down as she walks by. He thinks he detects a whiff of cigarette smoke, which doesn’t surprise him. She’d smoked when they first started dating, but he’d convinced her to stop. Now it appeared she was back on the wagon again.

At 9:25, she calls him into her office. I’m actually sort of busy stays trapped in his throat as he looks up and sees her standing in the doorway. Clearly she wasn’t taking no for an answer. Jim glances over at Michael for help, but Michael’s been busy since quarter to nine trying to record the perfect voicemail greeting. Michael meets his eyes, even looks a bit sympathetic, Jim thinks.

She closes the door behind him, and he half-expects her to drop the phony corporate act and lay right into him.

“Hi Jim. How are you doing?”

“I’m good,” he says, fairly convincingly. He’s good at that. “What’s up, Karen?”

“Good. I’m aware that you may not be pleased with Pam’s termination, Jim, but please don’t let those feelings affect your job. I spoke with Ryan yesterday and corporate is quite pleased with your progress, with your career path. They want you on the road more.”

“What if I don’t want that?” he challenges her, raising an eyebrow.

Karen calmly folds her hands on her desk, and he can imagine she would have acted the same way while firing Pam. “Jim, don’t be stupid. Another six months, a year of traveling, and you’ll be well-groomed for a promotion. You did want to move out of your apartment into a nicer place, I remember.”

“Yes,” he says tonelessly.

“So I’m wondering if you would be able to visit the Weyerhausers this week,” Karen says, referring to a large paper purchaser in New York.

“This week? Wow, I don’t know … I have a lot going on this week, a lot of calls to make.” What he really means is Pam needs me.

“Jim,” Karen says, leaning forward, “She’s unemployed now. Do you really want to join her? So the two of you can enjoy vending machine dinners in a trailer park?”

His mouth drops open. “Let’s try to leave personal issues out of this, Karen.”

“I am leaving personal issues of this,” she replies. “I’m your boss, so I’m being professional. If I were being personal, I’d be telling you that you made a huge fucking mistake. I’d be telling you that that whiny, wimpy little Debbie Downer is a waste of your time. And I’d be telling you that I wish I didn’t have to see your face in this office every day.” Her voice broke, and he wondered if he detected a hint of emotion in her voice, a shine of tears. “You broke my heart, Jim.”

Part of him felt horrible, but then he remembered her cold, barely restrained reaction in New York.. If it’s so hard for her to see his face, then he’s going to make every effort not to quit – at least until he can find another job.

He stands, then stops at the door. “Well, while we're being personal, let me say that you can hate me all you want, but getting Pam fired was completely unnecessary. I can't understand why anyone would want to do something like that unless they're totally bitter and jealous." He shrugs. "You know anybody like that, Karen?"

He goes back in an hour later, after some thought, and tells her he’ll go to New York. It’ll be his last trip, he vows – after all, it’ll be a great opportunity to visit his dad.

They have a lot to talk about.

* * *

Pam’s alarm goes off at its usual time, 6:45. She read somewhere that it was good to keep a normal schedule while unemployed. She gets out of bed, takes a short walk around the block, showers, pins her hair back, applies minimal make up. She tries smiling at herself in the mirror. It doesn’t really work.

She makes breakfast. Usually she just grabs cereal and juice, but today she has all the time in the world, so she makes pancakes and coffee, and eats them at the table by the window while she pages through the employment pages. There’s nothing that looks even remotely interesting.

Suddenly hit with a burst of inspiration, she gets in the car and drives twenty miles to the nearest art supply store. She buys a nice faux-leather art briefcase. She puts her five best sketches inside when she gets home. It looks good; professional.

She calls her mom to see if she wants to meet for lunch, and they do, at the little diner around the corner – the one where she finally broke up with Roy for good. As she drives, she has to pass Dunder-Mifflin on her left, and it’s a strange feeling. There’s a pang as she sees Jim’s old car in the parking lot. She wonders what he’s up to, if he’s gotten in to see Toby yet. A part of her almost misses Michael, amazingly.

She arrives before her mom and sits in the booth, perusing the grease-glazed menu. When the chunky waitress comes by to see if she wants anything, she orders an iced tea.

Her mom arrives about ten minutes later: Mia Beesley, a tall woman with wispy blonde hair, wearing a snappy red sweater over a white button-down paired with dark jeans, a woman who’s never on time.

“Hi, honey,” she says, putting her purse on the leather seat. “Sorry I’m late.”

“That’s okay, mom.”

They sit looking at each other for a moment before Mia speaks. “I really don’t know what to say. I’m so sorry this happened, dear. It seemed like things were looking up.”

“With Jim, you mean.”

“Yes. I mean I always knew you would figure things out. But you sounded so happy on the phone last week. And then this …” she trails off. “Do you need money?”

“Mom.” Pam is too proud to ask for help. “I should be okay. I’m getting unemployment, and I’ll be getting it for awhile.” She pauses. “And I was happy. I mean, I am. About Jim. I’m trying to look on the bright side of it all.” She’s getting choked up. Her eyes fill with tears, but she tries to stay calm. She doesn’t want to get a headache. “I don’t want Jim to get upset. He feels like it’s his fault, because of Karen. I’m afraid of what things will be like if we can’t see each other every day.”

“Well, if you really are meant to be together, Pam, you’ll work through this.”

Pam sniffles, looks out the window. Looking at her mom just makes her feel worse. “I’m more worried about the fact that I don’t have a job and I don’t know what I want to do with my life. I know everything else will be okay.”

Just then the waitress returns to take their orders. She looks first to Pam. “Do you know what you want, sweetie?”

Pam opens her mouth to speak and bursts into tears.

“We’ll both have the chicken salad,” says Mia.

* * *

Every time Jim tries to talk to Toby, he’s unavailable. He’s on the phone, he’s not in his office, the door’s shut – he’s not reachable.

At 3:30, he slips outside to call Pam.

“Hello?” She sounds tired.

“Hey, Pam. How are you doing?”

She sighs. “Okay. Just got back from a long lunch with my mom.”

“Ah. How was it?”

“Oh, it was okay,” she says, laughing a little. “Well, the food was better than I was, let’s just put it that way. How’s your day going?”

“Well, I convinced Dwight that you left to work on the Game Show Network. Kelly and Phyllis asked about you, how you were doing.”

“Really? That’s nice.”

“I tried to get in to see Toby, but he seems pretty busy.”

“Probably has a lot of paperwork to do.”

“Yup, I bet.” He pauses, suddenly feeling nervous. “I, uh, have to go on another trip.”

“Oh?” She sounds sad.

“Yup, this one’s in New York State, way upstate. It’s a pretty big client.” He clears his throat. “My, uh, my parents live up there, so I was thinking of visiting them while I’m there.”

“Oh, that’s cool. At least you’ll be able to have some fun while you’re there.”

Jim laughs. “Calling it fun might be an overstatement. But listen, I was wondering if maybe you’d want to come with me.” Jumping ahead, he continues: “I’m not trying to do the whole ‘meet my parents’ thing, but I just don’t like that I have to keep traveling when … when things are just getting started.”

“I know,” she says quietly. “I agree.”

“I mean, I really want to quit, Pam. And I’m going to. But I have to explain to my dad that I don’t think I want to be a salesman. He is, and pretty much since I can remember that’s what he’s wanted me to be, too, and …” He realizes he’s been talking faster and faster since the moment he invited her along, and so he takes a deep breath.

“Sure, Jim, I’d love to go.”

“Really?”

He can almost hear the smile in her voice. “Yeah, really. It’d be fun. Maybe we could even stop in New York City on the way up, since I’ve never been there.”

“We could definitely do that. I’ll call my mom later and let her know you’re coming.”

“Thanks for inviting me. Maybe you could stop by after you get off work?”

He grins. It’s so easy to make her happy. “I’ll be doing that. Oh, and Pam?”

“Yup?”

“Don’t worry about dinner – I’m taking you out tonight.”

* * *

Pam starts picking out what to wear hours ahead of time. This is their first official “out in public” date, and she wants to make a special effort. Picking through her closet, she lays out several different outfits on her bed and finally chooses something totally uncharacteristic – a white summer sundress with a salmon cardigan over it. She hopes it isn’t too much.

The idea of meeting Jim’s parents has occurred to her before, more times than she’d admit. She often dreamed of walking through Jim’s childhood house, of seeing where young Jim slept, played outside, grew up. She knows in a way it’s a little fast, but at the same time, seemed right. Everything with Jim did.

Her phone rang again, and she leapt for it, thinking it was Jim giving her a hint of where they’d be eating tonight.

“Hello?”

“Pam? It’s Roy.”

She pulls the receiver from her ear as if it’s burned her. She didn’t ever expect to hear from him again.

“Pam, I want to talk to you about something.”

“Roy, I – I can’t right now. I’m getting ready to go out.”

He sighs, and she wonders if he’s figured out who she’s been spending time with. “Can we talk tomorrow, then? It’s important.”

She’s silent for a long moment, weighing her options. What could he possibly have to talk to her about? “Okay, Roy, but in a public place. And you should know that … I’m seeing someone who I really, really like a lot. So there’s no chance of us getting back together. Okay?”

“I get that. Yeah. Just meet me at the diner tomorrow at 12. Can you do that?”

She takes a deep breath, then suddenly sees headlights splash across her bedroom window. It’s Jim. “Okay, Roy. I’ve gotta go. See you tomorrow.”

* * *

Cassandra doesn’t really know what to make of Dunder-Mifflin. As she sits, staring at the clock as it inches ever-closer to five-thirty, she muses over the first week of her internship. The guy who hired her is now not her boss; instead, she reports to the pinched-looking woman with the designer suits who always looks in the morning like she’d cried herself to sleep the previous night. The one person who might have become a friend has been fired for, as far as Cassandra can tell, nothing.

The door to Karen’s office has been shut all afternoon, which is good. Cassandra isn’t sure what the company was like when Michael was boss, but since Karen took over nobody makes much small talk at all. Behind her, Michael and Dwight are playing 20 questions – except Dwight is asking himself questions and answering them before Michael has a chance to say anything.

“Favorite character on Lost? The black smoke. Favorite comedy? Ordinary People. Favorite flavor soda? Celery.”

Cassandra rolls her eyes. Kelly is sitting behind the desk today and has been answering the phones in that annoying cloying voice, and as Cassandra watches, she gathers her stuff and leaves for the night.

She notices that the lanky, shagged-haired guy who sits closest to the front desk has a box full of the stuff from Pam’s desk. “Hey,” she says, leaning forward. “Is that Pam’s stuff?”

The guy turns around, and from the look on his face when she says Pam’s name Cassandra wonders if this guy is her boyfriend. “Yup, it is,” he replies, nodding.

“I can’t believe what happened. Tell her I’m really sorry, okay?”

“I will, thanks. You’re Cassandra, right?”

“Yes, nice to meet you.”

“Jim,” he says, extending his hand, which she shakes.

“Has it always been like this here?” she asked, cocking her head towards Karen’s office.

Jim snorts uneasy laughter. “Definitely not.”

People filter out of the office; Dwight and the snotty blonde from Accounting leave at the same time; Michael gets a call on his cell phone from a woman whose voice is loud enough for Cassandra to hear – the woman is demanding that he come home immediately and make love to her. Where the hell am I? Cassandra wonders, drumming a black fingernail on her desk. Oscar, Meredith and the kinda hot old guy leave around 5:15, and soon the office is empty. This is stupid. I don’t have anything else to do today. I wonder if Miss Fillipelli will let me leave a few minutes early.

She knocks on the door. No answer. Hmm. Impatient and wanting a cigarette, Cassandra stops by her desk and grabs cigarettes out of her hoodie, then walks into the hall, takes the elevator to the second floor, and heads out the back door to the smoker’s ledge. She sits out there for a long while, longer than she intended to, trying to decide if she should dump her emo slacker boyfriend when she sees him this weekend.

By the time she returns to her desk, it’s late, and half of the office lights are turned off. She gathers her things and is halfway to the door when she hears it. Muffled laughter coming from Karen’s office. The door is ajar.

At first, the noise startles Cassandra; then, she’s curious. She takes a careful, quiet step towards the door. Then another. Finally, she’s mere inches away from the gap between the door and the doorjamb. Her heart pounding in her chest, fearing she’s going to be caught, she leans forward to see Karen making out with the ugly guy from HR who’d done her hiring paperwork. Toby, she thought his name was. She couldn’t see Karen’s face, as it was buried beneath Toby’s, but they were up against the back wall of the office, Toby’s hips pressed hard into hers.

That’s it, Cassandra thinks, shaking her head as if to clear it. This place is crazy! I quit! Suddenly feeling like she needs a drink, she leaves, wondering if she’s got the stomach to come back in the morning.