Jump the Hedges First – Part Four

Burn (check out this song by Ray LaMontagne!)

The attribute that all of the characters in this chapter share is that they’re longing for something – or someone.

Nope, still don't own The Office or any of its adorable counterparts.

They haven’t tried sex again since that awkward, uncomfortable first time, a night filled with “are you okay?” from him, and “ummm, maybe over to the right a little?” from her. Neither of them have been much in the mood for it. Which is ridiculous, because they should be attacking each other like rabbits, Pam thinks. She’s standing across the street from the diner where she told Roy it was over between them, nervously pressing her hands to the thighs of her jeans to erase the nervous sweat. She stands uncertainly under the streetlamp, her brow creased with worry.

She can see Roy there, sitting at the front counter, facing away from her. From the way his arms are on the table, his hands are likely to be cupped around a hot coffee, even in the summertime. He used to make fun of her for getting those iced “girly coffee drinks.” Underneath his imitation leather jacket, she imagines his back muscles constricting, tightening with nerves as he waited for her.

She wonders, for the billionth time that day, what Roy could possibly have left to say. Even if he begged her to take him back, she knew now that it wasn’t right, hadn’t ever been right between them. He had done his best to love her, but she had lost herself in that love, and she hated that.

Of course, all that was her fault - not his. He'd never made her stay.

She wavered for a minute, unsure if she should cross the street and talk to him. She hadn’t told Jim where she was going – he was at work, of course. She feels guilty, but she doesn’t think there’s anything to tell, really. Yet, at least.

Pulling her purse protectively to her side, Pam looks both ways, as her mom had taught her as a kid, and hopes for the best. The bell of the diner rings as she walks inside, and he turns around.

She almost has a heart attack. He looks … good. He’s clean-shaven and wearing a nice collared shirt under his light jacket. Maybe he’s lost a couple of pounds. She was imagining him stubbly, nursing a hangover, still mourning their breakup. Maybe I was wrong, she thinks, forcing a nervous smile.

“Pam,” he says warmly, patting the stool next to his. “How are you. Have a seat. Thanks for coming.”

She hesitates. It’s lunch time, and all she needs is for Jim – or, worse, someone from DM who might tell Jim what they saw – to catch them. That would be a disaster.

“Um, do you think we could get a booth?” she asks, pointing to the one in the corner, away from the windows.

“Sure,” he says, following her to the table. They sit. “Do you want to order something?”

“No,” she says, looking down. “I’m actually meeting a couple of the girls from the off – I mean, Dunder Mifflin – at Chili’s – in a half-hour.” It was true. Kelly had called her last night, asking if she wanted to meet her and Angela for lunch. Pam, surprised and touched, had agreed.

“Okay.” Disappointment flickers across Roy’s face, but he does a good job of hiding it. Pam had grown accustomed to doing the same thing herself. He looks at her, and there’s a moment of sadness there. He clears his throat, looks down, looks back up with a smile. “So I guess I’ll get right to the point.”

“Well … what are you doing now? Are you working?”

“I am,” Roy says, his smile widening. I actually just got a new job, in New Jersey.” Pam’s nose wrinkled. “I know, I know. But the whole state isn’t bad.”

“Where in Jersey?”

“It’s in East Brunswick. It’s a, er, digital media company. I’m going to be managing the warehouse.”

Pam’s eyes widen. “Wow, warehouse manager? That’s great, Roy. That’s quite a jump for you.”

“Yeah. I was really surprised that I even got the interview … with my dismissal from Dunder and all … not that I didn’t deserve it. You know.”

She nods.

“Anyway, that kinda has to do with why I asked you to meet me.” He takes a deep breath. “I, uh, still talk to the warehouse guys, and they still kinda hear about what’s going on in your office. So I heard about the management changes, and what happened with you getting let go and everything. And I think it’s retarded.”

A blush spreads across Pam’s cheeks as she realizes what that means he knows.

“I mean, what kind of company lets someone just fire people because of a, like, personal vendetta. It just doesn’t make sense. You didn’t do anything wrong,” he says firmly. “Now me getting fired, that was one thing. But man, I’m sorry, Pam. Jim’s girlfriend is a major bitch.”

“Thanks,” she manages. The waitress comes by and asks to take their order, and Pam gives in and requests a sprite, no ice. Roy orders a Monte Cristo.

“I mean, it is kinda funny, Michael getting demoted,” he continues, chuckling a little. “Anyway…”

“Um, Roy? There’s something I should tell you, before you ask me what you need to ask me,” she says, boldly going forward. Roy looks confused, but she holds her hand up to silence him. “I don’t know why you asked me here, but like I said on the phone, I am seeing someone. I just want to be honest, okay? And there’s definitely a reason why Karen hates me so much … they’re not dating anymore, her and Jim. But we … we kinda are.” She pauses, suddenly out of breath and hoping he’s not going to throw things again.

Roy slowly nods. “I figured as much. That’s cool, though, Pam. I guess I was pretty mad at first … but now … I think he’s a good guy. He’ll treat you well.”

“Wow, thanks,” she says, surprised.

“I mean, I can’t say it doesn’t hurt a little, but he is the better guy. And she still had no reason to fire you.” He stops. “Let me get to the point, so you can get to your ladies’ lunch.” She smiles. “This new company I work for – I just work in the warehouse branch. But it has several other offices, and one of them is in Brooklyn, New York.”

“Okay,” Pam says, not following.

“That office does all of the creative stuff – marketing, websites, art stuff. And they’re looking for a design assistant. I mean, I know, only an assistant – but you can take classes and stuff at the same time at like, a college. Not sure which one. But … if you wanted that job, I could probably help you get it, Pam.”

Her mouth drops open. That’s why he called her? Why he wanted to see her? And he was still willing to do this, even though he knew there was no shot at them getting back together, that she was busy falling for Jim?

“I … I don’t know what to say, Roy.” She manages a small smile. “I don’t know, that would be kind of a big move for me.”

Roy returns the smile. “What, are you kidding me? You’re Pam Beesley, you’re all about big moves lately. Tell me to take a hike. Get your own place. Now you got the guy you wanted.” He laughs. “Seriously, though, think about it and let me know, okay? You don’t think Jim would be mad about it, if I helped you get it?”

For the first time, Pam realizes that the opportunity would mean her moving away from Scranton – and from Jim. But she’s getting ahead of herself. “I don’t think he’d be mad that you helped me,” she says finally. “I think he’d be glad.”

She nods, as if agreeing with herself. “Okay, Roy, I should go. But … I just want to say thank you. Either way.”

“You’re welcome.”

She gathers her belongings and leaves just as the waitress comes with Roy’s greasy sandwich, looking quizzically after Pam, wondering why she’s leaving this awfully cute guy to eat his lunch all alone.

* * *

They don’t ask anything about her love life, and for that she’s grateful beyond words. She’s also curious as to whether or not Jim’s demeanor in the office has changed - obviously the girls can’t detect anything in his crooked smile or the way he stares at her old desk, or they would be giving her the third degree right now. Her mind is still trying to cope with Roy’s offer about the job in New York, but as she walks through the door and smiles at the hostess, she knows her focus has to shift to surviving this lunch.

Kelly and Angela are already at Chili’s when she gets there, sitting on the same side of the table. Angela is donned in her usual slate-gray twin set, her hair tightly pulled back in a barrette, her white face stark next to Kelly’s darker skin and bright red lipstick. Some cheesy 80s song plays in the background, as was usually the case at the Scranton Chili’s.

“Pam!” Kelly squeals, sliding out of her seat and giving Pam an unexpected hug. “How are you?”

“Hey, I’m fine,” she replies, taking her seat. “Hey, Angela.”

“Hi, Pam.” Angela allows a tiny smile to spread across her mouth.

A long, excruciating moment of silence passes.

“So … how’s the office?” Pam asks finally, dropping her eyes to scan the menu.

“Ohmigod, Pam, we are SO devastated by what happened. Karen is SO mean, I just can’t believe she would sabotage you like that. I mean, everybody knows what happened. I was talking to Phyllis about it today – she wanted to come today but she had a sales call and she told me to tell you that she was sorry she couldn’t make it.”

“Oh, that’s okay.”

“Anyway, everybody thinks it’s ridiculous. And Pam, Jim is totally trying to stick up for you. He has a meeting with Toby later, maybe you’ll get your job back. Even Michael is upset. He’s really upset, actually.”

“Umm… he is?”

“Well, he broke up with Jan, so it might be that too. But Jim told me that if Toby doesn’t make something happen, he’s going go up to corporate and march right into David’s office and demand that you get your job back.”

“Wow … I had no idea … that’s so nice,” Pam manages, wondering when Kelly has time to breathe. The truth is, she didn’t realize how fired up Jim was, but she thought it was pretty chivalrous, him standing up for her that way.

“AND,” Kelly continues, reaching across the table and squeezing Pam’s hand, “He and Karen TOTALLY broke up. So you might actually have a chance now.”

Pam smiles, secure that she’s not revealing a single thing in her smile. “Maybe,” she says, and her thoughts can’t help but travel back to the night before for a moment, the way his eyes crinkled at her over the rim of his wineglass as he drank, the way their conversation was so easy, so comfortable, yet the entire night there seemed to be this black raincloud hovering over them. She knew what it was: he felt guilty. He thought it was his fault that she’d lost her job. And when he walked her to her door and kissed her goodnight, his face hovering over hers, he’d started to walk away. She’d held onto his hand, though, and pulled him back. “Do you want to stay?” she’d asked, a playful smile dancing across her face. He’d taken her other hand and pulled her close to him, and she could almost imagine the static electricity bouncing between them, like the green sparks she saw sometimes when she pulled laundry apart in the dark. “Yes,” he’d replied, a huge smile spreading across his face. It was adorable and at the same time a little unsettling, the way he’d needed her to invite him in. Like he still didn’t know how she felt, or like he felt like he didn't deserve the happiness.

They’d slept in the same bed together, close, but nothing happened. She’d curled around him, breathing in the scent of shampoo in his hair, wondering why he wasn’t initiating something. He was certainly attentive all night, his kisses felt the same, and he’d put his arms around her, but that was it, and she wasn’t sure why.

Pulling herself back to the present, she shrugs the memory off and turns her attention to the girls. “So … what’s new with you, Angela?”

* * *

“Give Pam her job back.”

“Jim, I – I don’t have the authority to do that.” Toby shifts uncomfortably in his seat, trying not to make eye contact with the guy who’d babysat his kid.

“I think you do,” he says, crossing his arms across his chest and leaning back in the chair, a clear sign that he wasn’t going anywhere until he got the response he wanted. “You’re our HR rep, Toby. Karen firing Pam was completely ridiculous. She only did it to get back at me. That’s super-clear. What’s not clear is why you won’t do anything about it.”

Toby doesn’t respond, just looks past Jim’s shoulder at Karen’s closed office door. He still can’t understand why a gorgeous, strong creature like Karen would ever be interested in him. He realizes he's one of the only two people in the office who knows that she wears all that makeup to hide a spray of freckles that fall across the bridge of her nose, freckles she said, once, offhandedly, she'd hated as a kid. Well, actually, he knows why she's interested in him. He’s quite aware he’s being used. But maybe, just maybe, once she gets to know me …

Karen’s door opens, and she glides outside, wearing a nicely tailored pantsuit and a gold chain around her neck that, at least to Toby, shimmers beneath the fluorescent lights. Amazingly, she walks right over to his desk. “Jim,” she says, her voice cold. Jim’s shoulder tense slightly as he hears her behind him, but he doesn’t turn around.

“Karen.”

“Good news. I think we’re going to send Dwight up to New York tomorrow instead of you. He’s requested the trip.”

“There’s a Battlestar Galactica convention at the Javits Center, and I for one am not going to miss the event,” Dwight says, walking by at the perfect moment.

“Is that why, or is it because you don’t want me anywhere near Corporate?” Jim asks, his voice low. Toby pulls out some paperwork and tries to look disinterested. “You think I might go have a talk with our friend Dave about what you did?”

“Dwight requested the trip,” Karen says, and from the way she speaks Toby can tell that her teeth are clenched behind her lips.

“Okay, then I need three days off,” he says, thinking he’ll still drive up to talk to David.

“You don’t have any vacation days left this year, Jim,” she replies. “You used them all for your Australia trip.” Damn, he thinks, she’s right. “If you want to discuss this further, I’ll be in my office.” She departs – flees, Toby thinks – into her office.

“Great,” Jim mutters, rolling his eyes. “So much for visiting my folks.” He hangs his head for a moment, suddenly feeling the guilt wash over him. He excuses himself from Toby’s desk and wanders aimlessly around the office for a few minutes, then somehow finds himself alone on the smokers’ desk, which is deserted. He puts his elbows on the table – just like his mother always told him not to – and stares out into the parking lot below. It’s funny that he’s here, because he’s never smoked a cigarette in his life.

Pam finally loves him back. The worst part is, though, that they can’t even enjoy it. She needs her old job back. And he needs her here. But he doesn’t quite feel like he deserves it – or her. Why should he? He used Karen, then discarded her when what he’d been waiting for had arrived. While dating Karen, he’d been cold to Pam, a horrible friend. So now why would he deserve to be the man in her life?

Also, Karen was proving to be a formidable opponent. Her very presence in the office was uncomfortable enough, but the fact that she was his boss was very, very bad. And now that he wasn’t going to be able to go to New York, he realizes that he might not actually be able to get Pam her job back.

“Hey.” He looks up to see Cassandra – the intern – standing beside him, a lit cigarette held at her hip. “Jim, right?”

“Jim Halpert, the one and only,” he says, sounding glum.

She raises the cigarette, takes a puff, and smiles at him. “I think I can tell you something that might help you.”

He half-smiles. “What makes you think I need help?”

“Well, maybe I need help. If you can give me advice on how I can get Creed’s attention, I can tell you how you can get Pam’s job back – and get rid of Karen.”

Jim’s eyes widen and his mouth drops open like a cartoon character. “CREED? You like Creed?”

“Did you hear what I just said? Pam’s job? No more Karen?”

He smiles, for real this time. “Ah … right. I’m sure I can find some way to get you in Creed’s good graces. Let’s deal with that later. So how exactly would I go about doing this?”

Cassandra stubs out her cigarette and sits down beside him. Then she smiles.

* * *

Pam’s on the computer looking up the company Roy told her about when she hears the knock on her door. It’s silly, but she thinks to herself as she walks down the narrow hallway that the knock almost sounds excited. Is that possible? she thinks, a brief smile crossing her face. Her hair’s still wet from the shower and lying limp against the back of her tank top.

She can see Jim’s head through the little pane of glass over the front door, but she asks anyway. “Who is it?”

“Your friendly neighborhood paper salesman,” he says, and the newfound brightness in his voice is a welcome surprise. She opens the door, and he’s standing there in his workclothes, his tie slightly loosened, his hair growing quickly and already sticking out behind his ears. There’s a shine in his eyes and a goofy smile on his face.

She turns her head to the side, looking at him suspiciously. “What?” she asks playfully. “You look … like you’ve got something up your sleeve.”

“Hmm,” he says, taking a step into the apartment. As he does, he puts his hands on her shoulders, so that his half-rolled up shirtsleeves are near her face. “I don’t know, do you see anything in there?”

“Let’s see,” she says, playing along, “I don’t think so, but I can’t really see. You might have to take this off.”

“I think that can be arranged,” he says, leaning down and kissing her. When he pulls away, she gives him a breathless smile.

“What ha…” she starts, but he kisses her again. Kissing back, her hand on the side of his face, she tries to determine what the heck happened today to… wake him up. She giggles warm breath on his face, and he starts laughing, too. “But… wait… stop,” she says, but she’s only half-joking about the “stop” part. Every time she tries to speak, he kisses her, and soon it’s clear that talking is the last thing on his mind.

Jim, I have to tell you something, she wants to say, wants to tell him about her conversation with Roy, about the job, the job that sounds pretty decent, and would he move in with her? All of this wants to escape her throat, but all that comes out is his name, and then his mouth is on hers again, and on her neck, and across her collarbone, and then the rest of her thoughts are shed along with her clothes. And this time there's nothing to make either of them feel awkward or worried - and it's better, a whole lot better.

But she’ll tell him. And she does. And he has a lot to tell her. Which he does. In the car, as they laugh over Wendy’s Frostys, obnoxious radio DJs, and all the museums she wants to see in the city. As he drives, sneaking glances at her from time to time, it occurs to him that this car trip is very different from all the other ones he's taken, and how every trip from now on would be different. If she wasn’t with him, every moment, her bright face smiling back at him, he’d still be doing a lot of speeding in this car, and he’d still be speeding for the same reason - to get back to her.