Taking another scoop of jello out of the small plastic cup, Jim’s eyes wandered to Pam’s desk.  She was talking on the phone and not paying attention to him.  His eyes stayed on her for a moment, drinking in her simple beauty.  A small green image caught the corner of his eye.  A greeting card stood upright on her desk.  He could make out the Christmas tree on the cover with Santa Claus hopelessly caught in its branches.  Seeing that made him smile and also brought back memories of the day after the worst date of his life.

*********
Friday was pretty quiet.  Michael spent most of the day in his office talking with Jan on the phone.  Jim only caught bits and pieces of the conversation, but he could tell things were not lollipops and rainbows between them.  Join the club he thought.
    Pam did not look at much less talk to him all day.  Couple that with Karen’s little outburst as she left with her personal things made this possibly the worst day of his life.  Or at least a close second.  Pam’s voice was still ringing in his head.  Just go.
     Jim glanced at his watch then reached into his messenger bag.  He pulled out a small white envelope.  He slid it back and forth in his hands, his mind drifting back to last night.
    A swirling mix of anger, hurt, and sadness was still coursing through him when he parked his car in front of his apartment.  The place was dark and quiet.  It matched his mood perfectly after his disaster of a first date with Pam.  Maybe they weren’t meant to be together.  Maybe they were just too similar.  He tossed his keys onto the kitchen table and sat down heavily on the brushed suede sofa.  Jim put his feet up on the coffee table and noticed the familiar shoe box partially hidden under a stack of Rolling Stone magazines.  He fished it out and popped the lid off.  A feeling of déjà vu came back to him as he sifted through various items he had saved over the years:  An empty can of coke.  A cocktail napkin from a winter cruise.  A small white envelope.  A gold yogurt lid attached to a necklace of paper clips.  He held that item up for a long time, letting the memories of her wash over him.  He carefully placed all of the items back into the box except one.  That didn’t belong to him and she needed to see it now more than ever.
    Jim stood up and put on his jacket as the clocked clicked over to 5PM.  He strapped on his bag and walked by Pam’s desk.  She was staring intently at her computer screen.  “Night Pam,” he said as he slid the card quietly onto her desk.  She replied in kind without ever looking up.  Stomach in knots, Jim headed out to spend the evening alone at home.
    A sharp ringing jolted Jim awake.  He accidentally kicked over a half-full bottle of Heineken as he searched for his cell in the semi-darkness of his living room.  He finally found it wedged in between the cushions of the sofa.  Still a little confused from being awaken so suddenly, he answered the phone without even seeing who it was.
    “Hey,” a familiar voice said quietly.
    Sleep quickly evaporated from his mind.  “Pam?  Everything ok?  What time is it?”
    “It’s a little after midnight.  Were you asleep?  I can call back-“
    Jim sat up straight.  “No! I mean no, its ok.  I’m awake.”  He wasn’t sure what to say next.
    She was silent for a while and finally said in a small voice, “Were you going to give that to me that Christmas?  With the teapot?”
    The image of the card and what he wrote on it caused his cheeks to burn.  “Uh, yeah.  Well, I was going to…you know…but, uh, I sort of chickened out.”
    “I kind of figured that yeah,” she remarked.
    He smiled in spite of himself.  He heard a little bit of the old Pam in that response and hope flashed again in his heart.  “Well I gave it to you today for a reason.  And it wasn’t because of the fight last night.  Well mostly I guess.”
    “What do you mean?”  Pam asked, sounding confused.
    Jim stood up and started to pace.  “I got home last night and could not stop thinking about how once again things just didn’t work out for us.  So I sat on my couch and wallowed in my self-pity.”  He scratched the back of his head, forcing the words out.  “It has always been ‘I should have done this’ or ‘you should have done that’ Pam.  I should have called you when I heard about the wedding.  You should have told me how you felt before I left for Stamford.  I should have given you that card with the teapot at Christmas.”
    Pam interrupted.  “Jim I never-“
    He cut her off.  He had to say this.  All of it.  “I am DONE with ‘should have’ Pam.  Our lives would have been so much different if I DID instead of think about how I SHOULD.  That’s why I gave you the card today.  The last thing I should have done last night was to yell at you about the things you should have done.  You DID stand up in front of everyone and lay it all on the line for me, with blistering feet no less.  You DID put that note in my file knowing that you may have never see me again.  You DID say yes without hesitation when I showed up out of nowhere and asked you out on a date.”
    The noises he heard coming from her over the phone broke his heart all over again.  Once again he was making her cry.  He had come this far though so he might as well finish it.  “So Pam I am following your lead.  This is something I should have done a long time ago.”  He paused for a second to allow his dry mouth to regain some moisture.    With every fiber of his being he whispered hoarsely into the cell, “I love you Pam Beesly.”
    Jim stood in front of his sofa, heart pounding in his ears.  He would have thought Pam had hung up if it wasn’t for her quiet sniffling coming though the headset.  When she spoke it caught him completely off-guard.  “Don’t go to sleep.  Can you promise me that?”
    “Uh, sure Pam.  Feels like I just drank like a hundred cups of coffee so you have my word.”  The excitement of his confession was starting to give over to curiosity.
    “Ok.  Remember you promised.”  And with that cryptic statement she was gone.
    He stood there for a few minutes more, not sure if he was really awake or just having a really weird dream.  Did he just freak Pam out so much that she started talking crazy?  What was up with him needing to stay awake?  To be served a restraining order?  Sighing, Jim flipped on the TV, not really watching it.
    For the second time that night a loud ringing noise caused Jim to knock over his beer.  Someone just pressed the doorbell to his apartment.  His heart leaped into his throat. Don’t go to sleep.  Double-checking that he had on a respectable set of clothing he flipped on the hallway light and unlocked the door.
    Jim swung the door open and saw her standing there.  The bright porch light shone down upon her as if she was an angel sent just for him.  She looked almost exactly like she did that night at the beach, dressed in a simple dark shit and blue jeans with her hair pulled back.  Her eyes met his and he could tell she had indeed been crying.  Somehow that made her more beautiful.  She had literally taken his breath away yet again.
    Never taking her eyes off of him, she reached back and took the Christmas card out of her pocket.  She stared at it for a second turning over in her hands.  “Did you mean it?” she asked.
    He was about to ask her what she was talking about when the light finally came on in his head.  He gently smiled at her.  “Every single word.  I did then and I do now.”
    Her expression did not change but her eyes started to brim with tremulous tears.  “Well since you have said it twice and have written it once…it is only fair I think...”  She searched his face, lower lip slightly trembling.  “I love you Jim Halpert.”
    There it was.  The five simple words he had waited for years to hear.  Eyes blurring, he took a small step towards her and instantly she had her arms tightly around his neck, drawing him close to her.  He couldn’t tell if he was crying, she was crying, or if they both were crying.  And he didn’t care.  He finally pulled back enough to see her beautiful face.  She looked up at him, still shaking and smiling that famous Beesly smile.  He returned it with one of his own.  Not caring that it was one in the morning, he asked, “So, uh, Pam….are you free for dinner.?”
    Without hesitation she replied, “yes.”