Pam held up the knitted sweater that Phyllis had given her.
There was a chorus of "aaaws" as she made her obligatory remark about how cute it was and then moved on to the next gift.
This one was from Jan and Michael.
"It's a breast pump," Jan said, as if it was not obvious.
"Thanks," Pam replied, "I needed one."
"Oh my God, Pam," Kelly chimed in, "You totally shouldn't bother with breastfeeding. I tried it for like a week and it sucked so I switched to formula but my boobs are flat now and..."
"Well, I'm going to give it a try anyway," Pam said, cutting her off. Then she added cheerfully, "I mean, it's the best thing for the baby."
"Well, my baby is just fine, thank you very much!" snapped Kelly, and she got up and stormed out of the room.
"Okay. Moving on," Pam said, picking up the next gift and unwrapping it. She was confused. "A bottle of brandy?"
"That's from me," Meredith said. "You can put some on the baby's gums when he's teething."
Pam stared at her and then said, "Okay, moving on... again." She glanced at the grandfather clock ("It's a Schrute family heirloom, and it's hideous," Angela had said) and wondered what Jim was up to at that moment. Whatever it was, it certainly couldn't be worse than this.
Jim, of course, was currently thinking the same thing about her. After enduring a horrific ride in the backseat of Dwight's car (since Michael had called shotgun), he was then subjected to the world's worse round of golf with the world's worst golfers. Not only did Michael, Andy and Dwight not know how to keep score, but Michael was a cheater and Dwight would examine each hole for snakes before they played it. And combining Andy's rage issues with golf clubs was never a good idea. After they had to go back to the clubhouse for the first aid kit, Jim made the executive decision to end the golf and suggested they go grab a bite to eat.
Which, of course, turned out to be another mistake. Michael wanted to go to Hooters, because, after all, it was a bachelor party. When Jim corrected him and said it wasn't a bachelor party, since he was already married, Michael responded by saying he was a still "bachelor from fatherhood" for a few more weeks, whatever that meant.
So now Jim was sitting in Hooters, with a bunch of waitresses singing "Happy Birthday" to him like that time he had come here with Michael a few years ago when, coincidentally, it also was not his birthday. As the waitresses dispersed their own server asked if they needed anything. Jim ordered a beer. Then after Andy stood up and went into an impromptu one-man a cappella of "The Longest Time" by Billy Joel because Michael had mentioned it was his favorite song, and Dwight ran to his car to get his recorder, he ordered another beer.
He took a minute to step away and call to check up on Pam. Her phone rang a few times before she answered.
"Hey, how's it going?" he asked.
"As well as can be expected," she answered. "I had to break up a fight between Kelly and Angela though."
He laughed. "What now?"
"Oh, it started with there being bacon in the potato salad and took off from there. You don't want to know."
"You're right, I don't. And you don't want to know why Andy has a black eye."
Pam giggled. "Did you punch him or something?"
"I wish," he said. "Hey listen, I think I am going to have Dwight drop me off after all. It's been a long day. Do you mind driving home?"
"Not at all," she replied. "I'm probably going to head home soon anyway, after I help Kelly get the glue out of her hair." She paused. "She's having a tough day."
"Ah, okay. I'll see you at home later then."
After he had said goodbye and hung up, Jim went back to their table where he was informed that the next stop was going to be a local karaoke bar, even though it was only late afternoon and there would likely be no one there. After they arrived and Dwight and Andy started their "karaoke-off," Jim decided he needed something with a little more kick than just beer, so he ordered a white russian. That was when Michael began giving him helpful parenting advice, like how to pretend that you don't smell it when the baby poops, and how sometimes the baby likes it when he puts his carseat on the washing machine during the spin cycle because that's where he was probably conceived. Yes, a rum and coke would be a good idea, Jim thought.
At some point he checked his watch and was surprised at how late it was, and vaguely thought that Pam must be home by now. But that's when he was challenged by Andy to a drinking game, and he was already feeling pretty drunk so he figured, what's a couple more?
A half hour later he was standing up at the karaoke machine with Kevin doing a mean duet of "Almost Paradise."
-
Pam kept going to the window looking out for Dwight's car. She had called Jim and he didn't answer, so she was trying not to worry. But she was feeling very anxious, and was starting to get annoyed that he was still out when she had been home for quite a while now.
At eight o' clock she went to the bathroom, and that's when it happened. As she was standing at the sink washing her hands she felt something warm and wet trickling down her leg. She stared at herself in the mirror, and then muttered, "Oh, shit." Her water had broken.
Author's Chapter Notes:
Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.
