To whom it may concern,

I never thought these letters were true, but the other day something happened that changed my mind. I just thought I’d share it with you.

I work as an accountant in a boring office. I sit next to this gay dude. He’s not a bad guy, but definitely not my type. Then there is this evil horrible witch that sits across from me. She’s even less my type. She’s very mean and always complaining about my feet. All I do is deal with numbers all day. Numbers are definitely not hot. But what happened the other day definitely was.

There is this hot receptionist that works at the office. Let’s call her Paula. Really hot. She has very big breasts. Also, she is very nice, unlike the witch that sits by me. There’s this other hot chick that works in sales. Let’s call her Kathy. She doesn’t have very big breasts, but wears these really nice pantsuits. Also, she has a nice ass. So hot!

So one night I was working late because the witch made me do some more numbers stuff. Well Paula and Kathy also had to work late. I didn’t think anything of it, because they both liked this guy in sales named Jack. I bet they had catfights over him. That would be so hot.

Well one minute I was doing numbers and then I looked up and saw Paula and Kathy standing there. They were both completely naked, but I couldn’t see everything yet because they were both holding plates of brownies. “We baked these for you,” they said. Wow. So hot. I thought I might pass out. They put the brownies on my desk and now I could see everything. It was so hot that I was now sweating, but not in a smelly way.

Now I had to make a decision. Eat a brownie or touch a breast. Eat a brownie or touch a breast. I ate a brownie. But then I was worried. Maybe I should have touched a breast first. It was very confusing.  They made it very easy for me, though. “Eat all the brownies you want, baby. We’ll just stand here and make out until you’re finished.” They started doing this right away. These were the best brownies I ever had.

It didn’t take me long to finish. The brownies I mean. When I finished, they were in the middle of doing a 69 (hee) on the witch’s desk. I went over and joined them. We did various hot things like Paula gave me a blowjob (hee) and Kathy led me do her doggy style (hee). They both said that I was much better at this than Jack. Then Kathy got mad because she didn’t know Paula and Jack had done it. That’s when another catfight broke out.

Nice!

Pantin’ in Scranton (thanks Daryl),

Kevin Malone

Kevin,

I told you that you can’t send letters to Penthouse through the company mail. Also, this better not have been another one about “Paula” or I will seriously hurt you.

Pam