Casino Night
I feel great tonight.
All of the wedding plans are on track.
I am getting along well with all of my friends and family.
Tonight should be really fun.
He came with me tonight.
He usually hates these things, especially when we have to pay for our drinks.
He came with me tonight, because he’s my fiancé.
I am engaged to Roy.
He is very handsome.
It’s weird to see him in something other than work clothes and old man ties.
He is such a great friend, my best friend.
It’s easy to flirt with him.
I know it’s harmless and it won’t lead to anything.
I am engaged to Roy.
He says he’s tired and he’s leaving.
I walk him to his truck and tell him it’s okay.
I’m having fun and I’m not ready to go.
I tell him I’ll see him at home.
I laugh when he says “Keep an eye on her.”
He’s a good guy.
I am engaged to Roy.
He says “Will do.” as the truck moves past him.
I walk towards him and the soft rustle of my dress seems loud here in the parking lot.
I love this dress.
I know I look good in this dress.
I feel good in this dress.
I’ve always liked getting dressed up.
I fixed my hair the way I might wear it for the wedding.
Everything is falling into place.
I feel happy and safe.
I know where my life is headed.
I am engaged to Roy.
He says “Hey, can I talk to you about something?”
I tease him about beating him at poker.
I am so happy that I don’t notice how serious he is.
He looks at me with so much…something.
He says “I’m in love with you.”
My stomach drops to my feet.
My heart races and I feel like I might be falling.
My breath catches in my chest but I manage one word.
“What?”
I am engaged to Roy.
He is still talking.
He’s saying something about it being weird and not good timing.
I can’t hear him because there’s this sound like water my head.
I say, “What are you doing?” “What do you expect me to say to that?”
He tilts his head.
He says, “I just needed you to know…once.”
I can’t breathe and I can’t think and I can’t move so I say, “I can’t.”
His eyes begin to shine as he simply says “Yeah.”
Why is he doing this?
Our friendship was safe.
Our friendship made sense.
This isn’t safe.
This doesn’t make sense.
I am engaged to Roy.
I say, “I’m sorry you misinterpreted things.”
I try to take the blame for his feelings.
I watch as a tear slowly makes its way down his cheek.
He absently brushes it away as he pushes past me and says, “I’m sorry I misinterpreted uh…our friendship.”
He walks away and I stand rooted to the ground.
I twist my ring and my finger burns.
I am engaged to Roy.
I run upstairs to call her.
She always knows just what to say.
I use his phone.
She asks me questions I’m not sure I know the answers to.
I hear the door close softly.
I tell her I’ll call her later and I hang up the phone.
I see him walking towards me with his hands in his pockets.
I turn to him and say “Listen Jim…”
He doesn’t stop walking and his mouth reaches me before the rest of him.
He wraps his long arms all the way around me and pulls me close.
I bring my hands up to push him away but…I can’t.
My hands are in his hair and it’s so…
My hands slide down to his chest.
I can feel his heart beating quickly as I push gently against him.
He steals one last kiss and I let him.
I have to stop this.
I am engaged to Roy.
Author's Chapter Notes:
Chapter 4.
Disclaimer: I own the rights to absolutely nothing.
Disclaimer: I own the rights to absolutely nothing.
