Disclaimer: In this chapter I have stolen various snippets of dialog from The Booze Cruise. I am not ashamed.

January 18, 2006

Plunk. The last nickel dropped into the slot and Dwight’s wallet fell into the retrieval bin of the vending machine. Angrily he snatched it out and opened it, expecting to find all of his money gone, at the very least. But instead, there were several additional singles, enough to buy back his remaining personal items, at no cost to himself, except for his pride and dignity, of course. He glared at the cameraman who just happened to have been filming in the break room this morning, when Dwight had discovered all of his stuff in the vending machine. The cameraman just stared back blandly, as he always did.

Meanwhile, back at the reception desk, Pam and Jim were laughing over the success of Jim’s most elaborate prank to date. Berta came over and asked them if they would do something a bit unusual…a joint talking head, discussing Michael’s mystery camaraderie event scheduled for later that day. Yesterday, they had devised a new theory, involving bank robbery and sewers, and Berta wanted it on tape. Still giddy from the prank, they agreed, and taped a hilarious interview. Berta shook her head in wonder. Those crazy mixed-up kids…they had absolutely no idea how they appeared on tape together. Berta told Phil, one of the cameraman, that whatever happened today or tonight, one camera must always be on Jim. Berta had instincts and her gut told her that tonight was going to be important.

"So...good old Lake Wallenpaupack. I must admit, I’ve never seen it in the winter," commented Jim at the reception desk when Roy left to go back downstairs, after Michael’s presentation.

"We take the Waverunners there all the time," said Pam, "but not in January."

"Have you ever been on one of those cruises?"

"No. Have you?"

"Yeah, actually my sister had her engagement party on the Lake Wallenpaupack Princess, or whatever it’s called. It was fun. They have a band and dancing and pretty good food. Of course my sister spent the whole night throwing up, so maybe it wasn’t all that fun for her."

"Oh no. Seasickness sucks."

"Yeah, well," Jim grinned, "She wasn’t seasick, if you know what I mean…but don’t tell anybody. It’s kind of a family secret."

"Oops," said Pam, "My lips are sealed."

Jim turned and saw Phil and said, "And that goes for you too, guys. That’s off the record. I didn’t realize you were here." Phil nodded. The camera crew was good about things like that.

Back at his desk, Jim suddenly remembered that he had better call Katie and let her know the plan. They were leaving right after work, so she would have to meet him here. At least she could forget the ski mask and the bathing suit. Hanging up the phone, Jim realized what the fundamental problem was with his and Katie’s relationship. He really liked her when he was with her, but tended to completely forget about her when she wasn’t around. Like all day today. It wasn’t going to work out, he suddenly understood, no matter how hard he tried. He thought about this cruise tonight, with Pam and Roy, together, and himself with Katie, and the effort that it would take to hide his feelings all evening, from all involved, and he suddenly wished that the damn ship would sink right now, like the Titanic, before they had to get on it.

But there was no such luck. Katie arrived at Dunder Mifflin right at five, and he kissed her hello, and opened his car door for her, and asked polite questions about her day, just like the best boyfriend ever. And the ship was there, in one piece, lights blazing, and Captain Jack welcoming them aboard, and Michael dubbing them the Professor and Ginger, and there was really nothing to do but go on with the show. Pam and Roy were right behind them, and they found a table together in the relative warmth of the main cabin.

Jim excused himself for a moment to go out to the bow, as he had a bet going with Phil the cameraman about how long it would take Michael to declare himself "King of the World." Luckily it only took him ten minutes, as it was damn cold outside on the deck. He got back to the table to find Pam and Katie chatting enthusiastically, while Roy looked on indulgently. Pam was telling Katie the story about Dwight and the vending machine, and they all laughed, and Roy gave him a high five. Jim noticed that Pam had left out any mention of her own part in the prank, causing Jim to wonder, not for the first time, exactly what Pam did tell Roy about their friendship.

Michael and Captain Jack were vying for the attention of the crowd, but they were easy to ignore. The talk at the "cool table, " turned to High School. Jim knew that Roy had been some hot shot football star back in the day, but he was surprised to hear that Katie had been a cheerleader, though if he had actually thought about it, it made perfect sense. On the other hand, he wasn’t at all surprised to hear that Pam had been an "artsy fartsy art nerd." He would have liked to have seen her in her turtlenecks and long hair. He himself had been a bit of an odd duck in high school. A basketball jock, who didn’t hang with the jocks and cheerleader crowd, but preferred the drama club, and had even been in a couple of plays. A bit of a class clown, in a quiet way, he had friends in a variety of cliques. By the time his hair grew out and he reached his full height at the end of his senior year in high school, he could have had his choice of cheerleaders, but the girl he took to his senior prom was actually an "artsy fartsy nerd" named Sandy. Unfortunately she had gone away to Berkley after that summer and disappeared from his life. Still it would be nice to think that, wherever she was, she had turned out to be like Pam.

Now what the hell was Michael doing? Some sort of bizarre dance in the middle of the dance floor. Good old Michael. He felt sorry for Brenda, the poor girl that Jan had sent from Corporate. Jan, at least, knew how to reign Michael in to some extent, but Brenda was totally out of her depth. The party had begun to get very loud, and it had gotten very warm in the cabin. Katie and Roy were chatting away like they had known each other forever, and Jim was trying very hard to look anywhere but at Pam. Pam also seemed uncomfortable. Finally she got up and offered to make a beer run. The warehouse guys were doing something called snorkel shots, and Roy got up to investigate, leaving Jim and Katie alone at the table for a moment. "That Roy is really nice, don’t you think?" Katie asked, "I can’t believe he remembered me from High School."

Jim had a feeling that there was something he was supposed to say in response to that, but he didn’t have the energy, and instead mumbled, "Uh huh."

"It’s funny that Pam used to be an art nerd. You know, if she fixed herself up a little bit, she’d be really pretty." Jim didn’t even try to respond to that remark.

"What’s up with you tonight? You’ve hardly spoken two words to me all evening."

Jim shrugged. He was starting to feel really claustrophobic in that cabin. "Well, you seem to be having a good time," he said, finally.

"I am, but no thanks to you. Look…Roy is doing a snorkel shot now." Jim saw Pam, returning with the two beers, asking Roy about something, but Roy was caught up in the moment, and Pam walked away. Katie was also a part of the crowd chanting for Darryl who was next in line for the snorkel. Jim saw Pam grab her coat and head for the deck, and he did the same, hoping that Katie wouldn’t notice.

It was very cold out on the deck, but beautiful in the moonlight. The cold air felt good after the heat of the cabin, and it woke Jim up, and he could think clearly for the first time all evening. He and Pam made some joke about Darryl, and Pam said, "Sometimes I just don’t get Roy. I mean…I don’t know."

Jim had learned a long time ago, not to respond to Pam’s complaints about Roy, but merely to listen. He looked down at her, so beautiful, vulnerable and confused in the moonlight, and it suddenly hit him…My God…this is the moment! He and Pam were alone...at least he thought so. Phil had been on him like a leech all evening, but Jim didn’t see him now. This was the moment he’d been dreaming of for months, and he knew just what to say…he opened his mouth to speak the words.

"So what’s it like dating a cheerleader?" Pam asked, and for one brief moment he didn’t know what she was talking about. Then, my God…Katie, his girlfriend, sitting inside, forgotten again. He chuckled reflexively in response to Pam’s question, but his mind was racing. I’m sorry, Katie, he thought, but this is my life. This is the woman I love. It’s not fair, but it’s the way things are. He looked at Pam, looking up at him, almost expectantly...was she waiting for him to speak? He licked his lips; his mouth was so dry. Maybe he shouldn’t say anything, but just kiss her. Words would just confuse things. Or would they be better? Somehow he was frozen between words and action. He’d practiced this in his mind so many times…why couldn’t he speak? Jim the salesman, never at a loss for words, and the most important words of his life were stuck in his throat. He felt the precious seconds ticking away.

"I’m cold." Pam smiled up at him, apologetically, and she was gone.

Jim stood at the rail staring out at the dark lake. Damn it to hell! What had stopped him from speaking? Or kissing her, or something, anything? Was it Katie? Or did he just panic? He felt a terrible sense of loss, as though an opportunity had slipped away, never to be recovered. But that was silly. He’d do it. He’d make another bet…he’d get her alone some time, somewhere. And this time he wouldn’t screw it up. But right now, he desperately needed a drink.

Slumped over the bar, he waited for his beer. He’d had three in rapid succession since returning to the cabin. Back at their table, Pam and Katie were talking. He didn’t see Roy. At the bar, Michael and Captain Jack were having some sort of a leadership pissing contest. Jim couldn’t have cared less. At one point somebody asked him who he would save in a shipwreck, and he looked at Pam sitting there and answered "The Customer," because he couldn’t say what he really felt. He could never say what he really felt. Michael was saying some corporate gobbledygook about making choices and deciding to act: in Jim’s slightly drunken state, he felt that the words were directed right at him. It was time to make a choice and time to act. Roy came over and drunkenly draped his arm around Captain Jack, asking him some question about the Navy. Jim stood up straight and began to walk towards the stern of the ship, towards Pam. He caught sight of Phil, lurking behind a pillar, and told him, "I’d save the receptionist…I just wanted to clear that up." Phil nodded and gave him a thumbs up, and began to follow him with the camera as he walked over to Pam, sitting next to Katie. Katie looked up at him expectantly, but he didn’t even see her. He leaned over to ask Pam to come out back with him. But he was interrupted by the squeak of feedback from the microphone. It was Roy.

Jim stood and stared in shock and disbelief, as Roy asked Pam if June 10th was an acceptable date for their wedding. Apparently it was, as Pam and Katie squealed, and hugged, and Pam got up and ran towards Roy, the dark horse in the equation...the one who had finally, unexpectedly, shaken up the status quo. Jim was numb…he felt as though he had fallen into Lake Wallenpaupack, and all around him was cold and dark. Katie was speaking to him, but he couldn’t hear her. He slumped down onto the bench. After a moment, he found that he could move again, and even smile and laugh. He went over and hugged Pam and shook Roy’s hand. Anything to hide his pain. But there were some things he couldn’t hide. When Katie wanted to dance, he couldn’t, he just couldn’t, so he begged off and instead brought her out on the stern deck. They stood there looking through the door at the couples dancing, Pam and Roy prominent among them. Pam and Roy kissed, the happy couple, and Katie squealed in sympathetic glee. "Do you think that will ever be us? "She asked, completely oblivious to his pain.

It was all he could do to answer her civilly, "No."

"What’s wrong with you? Why did you even bring me here tonight?"

"I don’t know. Let’s break up." Those words, apparently, he had no trouble with…they came out cold and cutting like a knife blade.

"What?"

Jim looked up and saw Phil taping him. He waved him away. "Go away." He said, coldly furious. Phil decided it might be prudent to take his camera elsewhere, and went to help cover Michael, who seemed determined to cause as much chaos on the ship as possible.

"Katie. I’m sorry. I really am. But I just can’t do this. I just can’t be with you any more."

"But why?"

Jim shook his head. He couldn’t talk about it. It was horribly unfair to Katie, he knew. She deserved the truth, but he literally could not talk about it. Not to her. All he could do was repeat, "I’m sorry."

"You are such a bastard!" Katie declared and went back inside, slamming the door behind her.

Jim couldn’t argue. She was absolutely right. Other couples were trying to get in through the doorway, so he went inside, also and sat by himself on the other side of the cabin. After a while he couldn’t stand sitting there with Katie looking at him tearfully from across the aisle.

He went outside to the deck overlooking the bow, but even there he wasn’t alone. Michael and Phil were there; Michael bound up with plastic fasteners, Captain Jack’s idea of a brig. Phil melted away into the background, the way he was trained to do, and Jim pretty much forgot about him. Michael was chastened, humiliated, all of his pretensions stripped away, and for once he seemed just like another guy. Jim found himself telling him about Pam. It was weird…all evening Jim had felt like a person under an evil spell, unable to say the right things to the right people, and compelled instead to say the wrong things to the wrong people. And telling Michael about his feelings for Pam was definitely the latter. But oddly enough, Michael responded with sincere advice, telling Jim not to give up. Maybe it wasn’t the best advice, but it was real, and gave Jim a faint glimmer of hope.

As the ship headed back to shore, Jim went looking for Katie, since he had to drive her back to Dunder Mifflin. Maybe he could talk to her now, though he didn’t know how he would ever begin to explain. But when he got back into the cabin, Kevin came up to him and told him that his fiancée, Stacey, was going to take Katie back to Dunder Mifflin for her car. She’d been sitting with them for the past half-hour or so. Katie refused to even look at him, so he thanked Kevin and walked down the gangplank, and off the ship…alone.