January 19, 2006

From: Jhalpert

Sent: January 19, 2006 8:50 AM

To: Mscott, Tkerr

Subject: Absence

Dear Michael,

I will be unable to make it into work today. I think I caught a cold on the ship last night. I have a sore throat and bad cough. My brother in law is a doctor and he’s going to give me something so I should be able to make it in tomorrow. I haven’t used any of my sick days so far this year. Sorry for any inconvenience.

Jim Halpert

From: Jhalpert

Sent: January 19, 2006 8:55 AM

To: Pbeesly

Subject: Absence

Hi Pam,

I just wanted to let you know that I’m not coming in today. I’ve got a bad cold. I wasn’t feeling well last night, either, so it’s better that I stay home. I’ll probably be back in tomorrow.

I guess I won’t be seeing you before you go away to the Poconos, so have a good trip. And once again, congratulations.

Jim

From: Mscott

Sent: January 19, 2006 9:15 AM

To: Jhalpert

Subject: Re: Absence

Jimbo!

Sorry to hear you’re sick. I have a scratchy throat myself from that stupid ship. Ryan’s going out to get me some cough drops, and some orange juice. Personally, I think that Dunder Mifflin should sue that cruise line for misrepresenting their cruises as corporate friendly. It’s ridiculous that idiots like that "Captain Jack" should be allowed to put Regional Managers outside in the "brig." I could get pneumonia!

But Jimbo…we really need you here tomorrow. It’s Spring Cleanup day. A little early. My idea. Anyway, I need 100% participation. No slackers.

It’s nice to know that I was able to help you out a little bit, last night. If you ever want to talk about the Pam situation, you can always come to me. Anytime. That’s what Regional Managers are for.

See you tomorrow!

Michael Scott

Regional Manager

Dunder Mifflin Scranton Branch

From: Tkerr

Sent: January 19, 2006 9:17 AM

To: Jhalpert

Subject: Re: Absence

Dear Jim,

Don’t worry about being absent. You have hardly taken any sick days, in all the time you’ve worked here. Feel free to take tomorrow too, if you need it. The important thing is to take care of yourself.

I hear it was pretty cold out there on the lake.

I hope you feel better soon.

Toby

From: Pbeesly

Sent: January 19, 2006 9:50 AM

To: Jhalpert

Subject: Re: Absence

Hi Jim,

Wow...that was quite a night, wasn’t it? I’m sorry to hear that you’re sick. I noticed that you were pretty quiet last night. We never got to see you and Katie after the cruise was over to say goodnight. Roy and I were practically the last people off the ship, we were having such a good time.

I am going nuts today! Can you believe that the wedding is only five months away? I called my Mom last night when we got home, even though it was late. She was so excited. And now I’ve got to call bridesmaids and get a dress and a band and a place! I’ve got a ton of phone calls to make. I really am going to have to plan most of this wedding at the office...there’s just no time!

If you’re here tomorrow, you’ll see me. Roy and I don’t leave for the Poconos until after work. And then we’ll be back on the 30th. I’m kind of sorry that we took this week off, because now we’ll only have one week available for our honeymoon. Our honeymoon! Can you imagine?

Also, I hate to say it, but if you’re not dying you’d better get in here tomorrow. Michael has declared tomorrow Spring clean up day. (In January!) And you know how he gets when people are absent on Fridays anyway. Just a word to the wise.

Anyway, I hope you feel better and I hope to see you tomorrow.

Pam

PS: Dwight is still taking off his jacket every time he goes to the men’s room. I guess it hasn’t dawned on him yet that you made that whole thing up.

PPS: Your desk looks very lonely without you.

From: Jhalpert

Sent: January 19, 2006 1:30 PM

To: LegalDan

Subject: Life sucks and then you die

Question: How many lawyers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Answer: None. They’d rather leave their clients in the dark.

Hey Dan,

I’m home today, playing hooky from work, so I thought I’d write and say hi. How’s law school treating you? The semester is almost over, right? I called in sick today, because calling in hungover is considered crass. Anyway, I am having a very pleasant day off watching daytime television and drinking beer. This is so much better than working, I may just do this for the rest of my life.

So, we had this crazy office event last night. A booze cruise in the middle of Lake Wallenpaupack. In January. Well, you know what my office is like, so what else can you expect? So anyway, I brought Katie...I think I told you about her, right? Hot redhead. Who I sort of broke up with a couple of months ago, and who I sort of got back together again with last week. And my friend Pam was there with her fiancé, Roy. I think I might have mentioned her.

Anyway, at one point I ended up outside on the deck with Pam, not exactly sure how that happened, and well, you know me, old smooth talker Jim, out there alone in the moonlight with a pretty girl…you can just imagine what happened. Yep, you guessed it…absolutely nothing! Once again I totally wimped out. But no problem...there’s always next year, right? Wrong. Seems that Roy has a different plan. He and Pam finally set a wedding date last night…June 10, 2006. Kind of a surprise for all of us. Unfortunately, I believe that I just may be out of town that day. Oh, and I also broke up with Katie…again.

Anyway, Mark keeps this bottle of vodka in the freezer, in case of emergencies. So I borrowed it, because if ever there was an emergency, last night was one. But not to worry...stuff tasted like lighter fluid. Really cold lighter fluid. So I switched back to beer. That’s much more my speed.

And I’m doing all right. Totally fucked up, but hanging in there. And the good news is that now I’m a free man. I mean really free, without this Pam thing hanging over my head. That’s all over now. Done. So anyway, I just wanted to keep you in the loop. Talk to you soon.

Jim

From: LegalDan

Sent: January 19, 2006 2:00 PM

To: Jhalpert

Subject: Re: Life sucks and then you die

So let me get this straight. Last night you wimped out with Pam and broke up with Katie. So that means that in one evening you managed to be both a pussy and a dick. That’s quite a feat…I commend you.

Jim Halpert, you fucking idiot! Why didn’t you call me? Jesus Christ, man…what is the point of having a best friend if you don’t fucking call him when you need him? I’m stuck here in the middle of exams, or I would be there, you know that. But I can talk on the phone. I can’t believe you didn’t call me.

So, our lady of the perpetual engagement has finally made a move. I am so sorry, man. I know what she means to you. I wish I had some great advice to offer. Well, beside the advice I always offer you, which is to get out of that place...transfer to Stamford, or Albany or Outer Mongolia. Get your life back. Move on. Yadda yadda yadda...you’ve heard it a million times.

Man…I would love to meet this chick. She must be really something to turn you inside out like this. Though, if she’s anything like my Judy, I totally understand.

Okay...I’m going to be the big brother you never had, here…okay? First of all, put down the goddamned beer. You don’t drink worth a damn...you’re just going to make yourself sick. And I should know…I lived with you for four years, remember? You have got to be at your best tomorrow when you walk into that office. You don’t want her to know, right? Tell her a joke, smile, laugh. You’ve been playing the game for three years now...you know how to do it. Then get your resume up on monster or wherever and get the hell out of there. ASAP.

As soon as this semester is done, I’ll be in town. We’ll go out and raise hell. Just like we never did in the old days. And if things are bad tonight…call me, dammit! I mean it.

Dan

From: Jhalpert

Sent: January 19, 2006 8:00 PM

To: LegalDan

Subject: Re: Re: life sucks, etc.

Okay, you bastard, that’s it. You are officially fired as my best friend. Go pick up your paycheck at the main desk. That line about being a pussy and a dick made me laugh…right in the middle of my self-pity party. That is not allowed. But I guess it means I’m probably going to live, right?

I’ve been asleep for the last few hours, and I feel much better. I think I’ll go out and get some dinner and rent some god-awful tearjerker movie, and by tomorrow I’ll be fine. Pam won’t be around all next week, so that will give me time to get my act together once I make it through tomorrow. Thanks for your advice. Maybe this time I’ll actually take it. I doubt it though. But don’t worry…someday when you’re my lawyer, I won’t listen to you then, either.

Thanks for everything. I mean it. See you when you get back to Scranton.

Jim