Pam arrived at Sarah’s without mishap, and Tim took little Janey to the park so that the two ladies could talk uninterrupted.
“So, Pam,” Sarah began, sitting next to her friend on the sofa, “all you said over the phone is that you and Roy are taking a break. This wouldn’t have anything to do with the Jim that you’re always talking about, would it?”
Pam’s eyes got big. “How did you know?”
Sarah laughed, “Honey, you talk about him all the time. Either you have a crush on him, or he’s paying you to brag about him to total strangers.”
Her right thumb and forefinger immediately went to her left ring finger to twist the ring that was no longer there. “What if-, what if it’s more than a crush?”
Evenly, Sarah replied, “You’d better tell me what happened.”
When Pam had recounted the whole night and what happened after, Sarah said. “Okay, Pam. You can stay here as long as you need to; you know that. You have a big decision to make, and I’m not going to tell you what to choose, but here are my semi-objective opinions.
“First: yes, Roy was rather inconsiderate, but if you really want to marry him, how much does it matter?
“Second: whatever else is true, you’re obviously attracted to Jim, you can talk to Jim—here, let me recall my college psychology lectures. The ideal romantic love is generally considered to be a mix of friendship, sexuality, and commitment. It sounds like he might be willing to commit, and we know Roy is—think about the other two factors.”
Pam nodded slowly, then looked up with a small smile. “Thanks, Sarah.” Then, sheepishly, “I should probably let my mom know what’s going on.”
Sarah’s mouth dropped open. “What?? You haven’t told your mom about this yet?” At Pam’s headshake, she shooed her away. “Go, get! You need to call your mother right now!”
***
Pam’s mom cried when she heard about the change in her daughter and Roy’s status, but she told Pam not to think about her feelings when making her decision—the most important feelings were Pam’s, Jim’s, and Roy’s.
She also said something very similar to what Sarah had mentioned. “I did wonder, with how often you talked about Jim, and how close you two seemed to be—well, I thought that something might be happening, but I knew you would never cheat, so I didn’t say anything. I was probably being a little selfish, wanting you to stay with Roy.”
“Oh, mom, don’t say that.”
“No, I’m serious. Not that Jim doesn’t sound great, but Roy’s just been a part of our lives for so long…and there I go again. Don’t let me do that.”
“Jim is great. But you’re right, Roy is a good guy, and I’ve spent so long with him, and he is part of our lives…I just can’t make it work out well, no matter who I choose.”
“Well, you’ve probably done the best thing you could in this situation—to remove yourself from it, as much as possible, thinking things over. Have you thought about work, and interacting with Jim there?”
“Yeah, we talked about it. We said we’d try to talk less, do less plotting together. Mom, there’s something I haven’t told you yet. We kissed—me and Jim.”
Hesitantly, her mom’s voice came through the phone. “What was it like?”
“Intense. It was like—I don’t even know how to describe it.”
“Like when you and Roy were first together, maybe?” Her mom sounded hopeful.
“Not really. Part of it was, I think, that it felt really—natural. You’d think that being platonic friends for so long, we’d feel awkward kissing each other, but…” Pam laughed a little. “No. It just felt like an extension of everything else we do together.”
“Oh, dear.”
“What?”
“My dear daughter, you are in love with Jim.”
“Oh.”
“Now, you just have to decide what to do about it.”
***
The rest of the day, Sarah, Tim, and Janey entertained Pam, consciously (on the adults’ parts, anyway) distracting her from her decision.
That didn’t stop her from lying in bed, obsessing about it, for half of the night, but eventually her exhaustion caught up with her, and she slipped into a dream.
She was back on the boat on Lake Wallenpaupack. She and Jim were standing out on the deck together, but Roy and Katy were out there, too. “We’re going to get married! Isn’t that A-W-E!” Clap, clap, clap. “S-O-M-E?” Katy grabbed one of Roy’s hands. Roy pulled away, saying, “I don’t know who you’re marrying, cheerleader, but I’m marrying Pam.” “Well, Pam can’t have both of you! I get one. Jim! Let’s get married!” She tugged Jim away from Pam’s side, and he followed like a mute robot. Pam was opening her mouth to ask Jim what was wrong—he didn’t really want to marry Katy, did he? Why didn’t he say something—anything?—when he looked up into her eyes, an anguished expression in them. She knew what he was saying, because it was the same expression he used when Michael had him cornered, only that was joking, and this seemed deadly serious. He was pleading with her, “Save me.” She opened her mouth again, when Captain Jack (or was it Michael?) appeared in front of them. “I now pronounce you husbands and wives,” he declared. “But which one to which one? That seems an important distinction,” Dwight’s strident voice echoed over the water, though no sign of his body was apparent. Michael (it was definitely Michael now) shrugged. “They can figure it out themselves.” In the sudden way that dreams do, the scene changed: she and Katy were playing some kind of tug-of-war, and the rope was Jim. He looked at Pam, and the look in his eyes was disgust. “What are you doing? I want to marry Katy.”Pam sat up in bed. She shook her head as though to clear it.
“That. Was. Weird,” she whispered to herself.
She fell back asleep after half an hour, still debating with herself about whether she would look up a dream interpretation website at work. She couldn’t decide whether she actually wanted to know what this dream meant.
***
Jim glanced at the clock and sighed. Could this day be any longer? It seemed like he’d been here forever, and it wasn’t even lunchtime yet.
He knew, of course, what would make the day go more quickly: talking to Pam and/or pranking Dwight. He just couldn’t bring himself to do anything fun to Dwight without involving Pam, even in just the planning stages, and he wasn’t supposed to talk to her.
Well, she’d said, “cut down on the jellybeans.” She hadn’t said, “no jellybeans whatsoever”, right? He decided to risk a reprimand from her, because he just couldn’t take this.
“Hey, Pam,” he smiled at her, leaning on her desk, just as always.
“Hey, stranger,” she answered, smiling back. There didn’t seem to be any condemnation—either for neglecting her or for coming to talk to her now—implied in her voice, so he took a risk.
Lowering his voice, he said, “I’ve missed you today.”
Her eyes glowed a little brighter, and she said, “I know. Me too.”
He couldn’t stop his grin at that, and leaned a little closer. “You’re beautiful today. Just thought you should know.”
Pam blushed, and her mouth dropped open a little. “That’s not fair.”
“Hey, I’m just telling the truth, Pam,” he retorted, going back to his desk with a huge smile on his face.
***
Jack had been assigned specifically to Jim and Pam once the director had seen the footage from last weekend, and all morning, they had been rather boring, only giving each other short glances when they thought the other wasn’t looking.
Come on, Jim, he thought, she didn’t say “no jellybeans”. She wants you to visit her and you know it.
Just then, as though he’d heard Jack’s thoughts, Jim got up and headed toward reception.
Jack himself wasn’t able to catch anything that was said between Pam’s “hey, stranger,” and Jim’s “I’m just telling the truth,” but the editing crew was amazing at cleaning up audio and lip reading.
Besides, the look on Pam’s face and Jim’s grin were more than enough—it’s obvious that they weren’t going to be able to keep away from each other for long.
***
They ate lunch together—“Who else am I going to eat lunch with—Angela?” Jim had asked—but neither of them made any mention of their earlier exchange.
For the first half of the lunch hour, they talked about inconsequential things and ate their food. After throwing away their trash, Jim got a mug of coffee, and Pam used her green teapot to make some tea.
Then Jim leaned in and whispered in a rush, “So you’re still staying at Sarah’s?” He couldn’t help it; he had had to make sure.
Pam nodded. “She said I could stay as long as I need, and Tim’s fine with it, too.”
Leaning back, he smiled and put his hands behind his head. “Well, Beesly, what are your plans for the afternoon?”
“Hmm,” she pretended to think really hard about it. “Well, I was thinking that I would start out with a rousing game of FreeCell. Then there’s always Dwight’s Coffee Cup. And I might check out a dream interpretation website, ‘cause I had a weird one last night.”
A raised eyebrow and a “Reeeally?” were her answer.
She rolled her eyes. “Yeah, you wish. It was just…odd. I’ll let you know if I find out anything interesting.”
***
That afternoon was crawling along rather uneventfully, when Roy came up from the warehouse and headed straight to Pam. He had obviously taken a bit more care than normal with his appearance: his hair was neat and his uniform was clean. He was carrying a dozen roses.
“Pam, can I talk to you?”
Her heart sank. It would be rude and unfair of her to refuse to talk to him, but she really didn’t feel ready for this. With an inadvertent glance toward Jim, who was watching her intently, she nodded. “Sure, I’ll talk.” There was a pause. “So, talk.”
“Not here,” Roy insisted.
Pam sighed. “I can’t just leave the phone for however long you want to talk—I’ve already had lunch…”
“Ten minutes. Please?”
With another sideways glance toward Jim, she said, “Fine. Let’s go.”
Roy led her out to his truck, insisting that they needed to get away from the cameras. Jack had followed anyway, but since he couldn’t exactly insist on getting into the truck with them, it was the most private they could get at work.
Once they were seated, he turned to her. “These are for you, of course,” he said, and handed her the roses.
“Thank you,” she said evenly, and put the roses on the dashboard. She turned her body to face his, and asked, “What did you want to talk about?”
Roy gave her a look, and she amended the question. “What did you want to say?”
“What do you expect me to say, baby? I don’t know what your problem is—but I’m sorry for whatever I did. I just want you back.”
Pam wondered if it was her new awareness of Jim’s feelings and the knowledge that he would be much more considerate of her feelings, or if that night on the boat would have been the last straw regardless, but she was unsatisfied with that apology, even though she’d taken many like it in the past. She sighed and said, “Roy, it’s not that easy.”
“Why? I mean, I said I was sorry, and I am. I don’t like fighting with you, honey.”
Pam melted a little at the last sentence. “I don’t like fighting with you, either.” Must be strong, she reminded herself. “It’s just that—you don’t even try to find out what you did wrong, and you never have. You just—expect me to accept your apology, and your roses, and take you back, even though you might just do the same thing again tomorrow, because you have no idea what it is!”
“But, Pam…come on, baby. I miss you.”
“I miss you, too. But sometimes that’s not enough. I need you to care about things that are important to me—like asking me first before announcing a wedding date, or even things that aren’t so important, like asking me in private instead of in front of a crowd.”
“I do care.”
“Really? Or do you just want me around to cook and clean and sleep with? I’m sorry if that sounds rude, but do you realize that you never even asked where I’m staying?”
“I’m sorry; where are you staying?”
“That’s not what I meant. I want you to ask before I mention it. I want you to care without being told that you should care.
“Anyway, I’m staying at Sarah and Tim’s…” She hesitated, unsure if she should bring this up, but she was feeling daring. She wanted so badly to believe that the last ten years hadn’t been a waste, to not just give up on her and Roy’s relationship, and figured maybe sparking some jealousy would help.
So, picking up her roses and climbing out of the truck, she said, “Well, I’m at Sarah’s now. I couldn’t reach her on Saturday,” she said, walking toward the building door and speaking over her shoulder, “so I spent that night at Jim’s.”
She heard his outraged “What?” but got into the elevator without a backwards glance.
Only then did she realize what she’d just done.
She’d made Jim a target.
Shit.
***
Jack hurried to catch up with Pam and rode the elevator up with her. The whole time, she was saying things like, “Stupid, stupid, stupid! Shit! Shit! Hurry up!” under her breath.
He couldn’t believe she’d said that, either. He hadn’t known that Pam spent the night at Jim’s, but no matter what had happened there, it was pretty silly of Pam to just confess it like that, without any warning.
It would make good TV, but he started to feel a little sad that he was exploiting other people’s personal dramas like this.
***
Jim could not concentrate on anything while Pam was outside with Roy. He gave up even the pretense, and ignoring Dwight’s dirty look, went into the conference room to watch out the window. He felt a slight twinge of guilt, but couldn’t pretend that it wasn’t possible a huge part of his future was being decided out there.
When he saw Pam flounce out of the truck, he felt hopeful, though he didn’t want to presume too much. He went back to his desk.
Pam looked pale and—frightened?—when she reentered the office. “Pam? What’s—”
“Conference room.” She pushed him in, following after. “I’m so sorry, Jim. I—I wasn’t thinking. I can’t believe I’m such an idiot.”
“You’re not an idiot. What happened?”
“Yes, I am. I just told Roy that I spent Saturday night at your place. He’s going to want to kill you.”
“You’re not an idiot, Pam. Just…impulsive.” Jim put his hands on her arms and looked her in the eyes. “It’s okay. This confrontation would probably have to happen sooner or later. You just moved it up a bit.”
Pam smiled back at him shakily. “I never used to be impulsive. If he’s not coming up now, he’ll probably try to waylay you after work.
“I’ll go talk to him again, try to explain,” she told him.
“Well, if you want to. You don’t have to, though. It’s okay—like I said, this is just sooner, rather than later.”
“No, I really think that I should talk to him. I mean, I didn’t even explain that we slept in separate rooms.” Pam turned to go back downstairs, but Jim pulled her back with a hand on her arm.
“Wait—he won’t try to hurt you, will he? Tell me the truth, Pam.”
Her eyes widened. “No! No, Roy’s got his faults, but that’s not one of them.”
“Okay, if you’re sure you want to go. You don’t have to.”
“Yes, I do.”
***
Descending the warehouse steps, Pam started to have second thoughts. “Roy? Can I talk to you?”
“I don’t know, Pam; I thought you said quite a bit already.”
“Please, Roy; I need to explain.”
“Okay, you can explain what the hell you meant, saying you spent the night at Halpert’s?” All of the other warehouse workers were gathered behind Roy, like a small army.
“Roy—calm down.”
“Don’t tell me to calm down! You tell me what’s going on here, then I might calm down!”
“Listen, I shouldn’t have said it like that. Yes, I spent the night at Jim’s house, but—we slept in different rooms—his roommate was there, you can ask him if you want! It wasn’t like I made it sound; I’m sorry—I should not have said it like that.”
Roy deflated slightly. “So you’re saying nothing happened? You just slept there, and then went to Sarah’s?”
Pam couldn’t seem to make herself lie outright to Roy. “I—I kissed him.”
“Dammit, Pam! What are you trying to do, kill me?” Roy did look devastated at the news, and though she knew Roy wouldn’t hurt her, she was starting to have doubts about Darryl.
“I’m sorry, Roy, I—I wasn’t thinking.”
“I knew that Halpert had a thing for you, but I thought he was a good guy—I didn’t think he’d actually do anything about it!”
“Wait, Roy. Don’t blame Jim for this—or not completely. I was willing.”
Roy turned away for a second. “So you’re telling me that he didn’t push you or anything?”
Pale, Pam answered, “No, he didn’t.”
He sat down heavily on a box, and Darryl stepped forward. “I think you should leave now.”
Pam closed her eyes and nodded, then turned and went back up the stairs.
***
Roy was waiting for Pam in the parking lot after work. “Pam, I’ve been thinking all day,” he started.
Pam paused, listening.
“I miss you, Pammy. I still love you, and if you promise me that this never happened before, and it won’t happen again, I’ll—I’ll forgive you. I’ll take you back.”
“Roy—that’s the problem.”
“What do you mean? It’s happened before? I knew it! I knew that Halpert was a—”
“No! It never happened before Saturday. The problem is…I don’t know if I want you to take me back. I don’t know if I want to come back.” She left without looking back to see his reaction, feeling cowardly.
***
Jack went home and had dinner with his wife. She asked about his day, as she always did, and he described the footage he’d shot to her. He was technically under a confidentiality agreement till the show aired, but he trusted his wife, and after a day like today, he needed to tell someone who wasn’t directly involved with the show about his misgivings.
When he was done with the story, his wife just gave him a look, and he knew that she disapproved.
