“Where do you see yourself in 10 years?”
 
Last year when Jim was faced with this question, the answer was simple. He saw himself with the woman of his dreams, not really caring about superficial things like money, status, or career. He passed up his chance at all of those goals so he could spend the rest of his life with Pam. Now all he could think about was if he’d chosen differently, maybe she would still be alive. She wouldn’t have been driving from his apartment that morning and wouldn’t have been in that accident. But no, he had to be selfish.

He had to have her, and she paid the price.
 
This was the fifteenth interview Jim had been on in the last year. He wanted to leave Dunder Mifflin so he could forget all about what happened. Transferring to other branches was not an option, as most of them were rolling back staff. His connections with David Wallace weren’t enough right now, as even Corporate had a hiring freeze for the moment; he’d heard that even Ryan’s job might be in jeopardy. These interviews for other companies had all been horrendous, as he simply couldn’t focus on the questions being asked. He hadn’t taken the job last May and his friend, his lover, his dream; she had perished as a result. Now his punishment was to be stuck in the same office with constant reminders of the life they shared together and what they would never share again.

Jim couldn’t remember how he answered the interviewer’s question, but then that was nothing new. The whole thing was pretty much a blur.  If asked, he wouldn’t even be able to tell anyone what his answers were. He got up and left the interview knowing that it was a foregone conclusion. He wasn’t going to get the job, just like he didn’t get the last fourteen. Once it was mercifully over, he knew exactly where he was headed.

The cemetery was a familiar place for him now. It was two weeks ago when he broke down and cried in Angela’s arms, and he’d been back to visit every day since. Each day he brought something different to put next to her grave: flowers, yogurt lids, his yearbook photo, a can of Coke. When he ran out of items, he started talking to her. It was hard at first. He could barely get more than a few words out without choking up, but with each passing day, he found himself able to bare his soul a little bit more.

I really miss you, Pam.

I’m so sorry, Pam. This shouldn’t have happened to you.

I was selfish. I should have just gone to New York and let you lead your life. You were doing so well. I was very proud of you.

Hi, Pam. I was at an interview and they asked me where I saw myself in 10 years. I don’t think I answered the question very well because all I could think about is our house with a terrace with our children running around. I still see that happening, even though I know it never will.

Pam, I’m so sorry I didn’t go to your first art show. I mean, sure I went to plenty of art shows after that, but I could never go back in time and erase the fact that I failed you. I let you down. I was your friend and I acted like a jerk. And I wish you were here so I could apologize to you again.

I’m not even sure if you can really hear me. I’ve never been a big spiritual person. If you can hear me, then you’re probably up there calling me a dork and telling me to get on with my life. I wish it were that easy. I really want you back, Pam. Every morning I wake up, I hope the last year has just been one long nightmare. Every day I come home I hope that you’ll be behind that door to greet me with your warm smile, but every day I open the door to emptiness. I really miss you, Pam. I’m so sorry.

It was Sunday morning, and Jim didn’t know exactly what he was doing. It had been a long time since he’d been at any place like this. His mom would take him to church when he was younger, but even then it had only been occasionally. The only time he’d been since was on special holidays like Easter or Christmas. It didn’t hurt that Angela would be there. It was strange, but of all the people in the world, she was the one that was finally able to get through to him. While he had significant support from his family and friends, all he could see in them was sadness, and that only served to further his own despair. For some reason, she had actually reached out to him, and it meant so much more because he knew it wasn’t out of some friendly or familial obligation. She even prevented him from driving drunk, possibly saving his life. She actually cared, and although he didn’t quite understand why, he knew he’d never forget her for that.

Angela spotted him immediately and seemed genuinely excited to see him arrive. “Jim! I’m so glad you could make it.” She was actually … smiling.

“Yeah, I don’t know how long I’m gonna stay.”
 
“Well, it’s rude to leave in the middle,” she said with a bit more edge in her voice than she had intended. Jim simply smiled in response. “But of course, you should only stay as long as you’re comfortable,” she added more pleasantly. “We wouldn’t want to pressure you. “

He kept smiling and even let out a slight laugh. “Okay, I guess I’ll sit over here?”

“That’s excellent. I have to greet some people, but I’ll be right back. I hope you enjoy the service.”

He did enjoy the service. He had never seen Angela more energetic or happy. She was belting out the songs, not caring what anyone thought about her voice. This was an entirely different person than the one he’d known for so many years. She seemed so full of life and spirit. This was obviously her nightclub, her afternoon ballgame, her bowling alley. This was where she wanted to be. He wasn’t exactly sure if it was where he wanted to be yet. There was less of the fire and brimstone stuff than he had expected, but he still felt a bit uncomfortable. It’s not that he didn’t believe, he was just uncertain if this was a place where he belonged. He was, however, definitely intrigued by what he saw of Angela.

The next day at work he timed his lunch to coincide with hers. “Hey, mind if I join you?” he asked.

She looked up from the table, a bit surprised. “That would be fine,” she said formally.

“I really enjoyed the service,” he said. “It was … interesting.”

“Well, I’m glad,” she said flatly.

“Is everything okay? You seem kinda upset today.”

“I don’t want to talk about it.”

“You sure?”

She sighed and reluctantly told her story, “Well, it’s just Oscar and Kevin are really getting on my nerves today. Kevin will make these racy inappropriate comments to me. Oscar will just sit there and stay quiet, even though I know it bothers him, too. Then the only time he doesn‘t stay quiet is when he criticizes my baby poster.”

“That sounds like a normal day.”

“Yes, but today has been excessive.  I just want to work. I take my job seriously. Why don’t people understand that?”

“Why don’t you just sic Dwight on them?” he asked. “I’m sure he could figure out a way to terrorize them.”

“What are you talking about?” That comment definitely took her by surprise.

“Um, I guess you didn’t know, but I kinda saw you two one day.”

“Oh. I see. Well I thought you might know because…” but she cut herself off before she brought up something uncomfortable. “Never mind. What I’m trying to say is we are no longer together.

“Wow. What happened?”

“I don’t want to talk about it,” she said seriously. “I mean it this time.”

“No, no. That’s fine. I have an idea, though.”

“What?”

“An idea of how to get Kevin and Oscar off your back.”

She seemed intrigued. “Really?”

“Well, it’s been a while but I’m sure I could reach back into my repertoire of tricks to find something you can use on them.”

“You mean one of those childish pranks? I think that would be inappropriate,” she said disapprovingly.

“You’ve really got to stop saying that word,” he said.

“What word?”

“Inappropriate. No more. I have banned that word from your vocabulary for one week.”

“You can’t do that.”

“Too late. It’s already done. Just like that,” he said with a snap of his fingers. “Now, about Oscar and Kevin…”

Angela gave in.  “Okay, what did you have in mind?”

Later that day, Oscar and Kevin were returned from their break. When Kevin got back to his desk, he noticed something wrong with his keyboard. “Heeeeeey. Who did this?”

“What happened?” Oscar asked.

“Somebody stole the six and nine keys from my keyboard!” As he said the words he began to figure it out. Kevin and Oscar both looked at Angela. “Angela?” Kevin asked suspiciously.

“What?” she replied without looking up from her current task.

“You did this, didn’t you?”

“That doesn’t sound like me,” she said, still not looking up, but betraying a smile that gave her away.

It was a moment later when the other shoe dropped. “What is this?!” Oscar shouted at her. Kevin came around to see that Oscar’s screensaver was now a picture of the babies dressed as adults poster.

“What?” Angela replied, trying to act innocent.

“Come on Angela. I know you did this.”

“Really? How would I have managed to do that? Now if your question is, why someone would do that, my guess is they wanted to be left alone…” she said pointedly. “…so they could work.”

Oscar and Kevin got the point and sat back down at their desks. “When can I have my six and nine keys back?” Kevin asked.

“We’ll see how long you can go without being disgusting.”

Oscar quickly went to work on fixing his screensaver and Kevin sat down, a little frightened that his arch nemesis was apparently now ready to play dirty. Angela turned around to sneak a glance at Jim. He grinned and gave her a thumbs up.

Over the next several months, lunch became a regular daily routine for them. He had his usual ham and cheese sandwich with a grape soda. She ate a salad and drank water. Sometimes they’d talk about the usual nonsense going on in the office, like Michael’s latest telemarketing scheme or that ever changing strange smell coming from Creed’s desk.  Sometimes they’d just sit there, silently enjoying each other’s company. Jim forgot how much quicker the hours ticked away when there was a friend around to keep his mind off the dreariness that was Dunder Mifflin. He tried not to think about that too much, though.

He was still not sure if he fit in at church or not, but he still attended Sunday, sitting right there next to her. He even joined in on some after church activities at her urging. The charity bake sale was not a good fit for him, but he was a trouper. The softball team didn’t really work out either, as he had trouble relating to any of the other guys. He was at his best during events where there was direct contact with the needy, such as the homeless or sick children. There his natural charm was put to good use.

“Do you think you could give me a ride to my car?” Angela asked. They’d just finished up working kitchen duty at a homeless shelter and her car was parked on the other side of the parking lot, while his was nearby.

“Certainly,” he responded, but instead of walking her to his car, he picked her up and put her on his shoulders. Then he began to walk across the parking lot to her car.

“Jim! What are you doing?”

“You said you needed a ride to your car.”

“Jim, this is not appropriate adult behavior!”

“Then how come you’re smiling?” he asks.

“You don’t know that,” she responded, not very convincingly. “You can’t see my face.”

“But you are, aren’t you?” he asked knowingly.

She knew that he was right, but did not want to concede defeat. “That’s not the point.”

“You sure?”

“Okay, I’m having fun, but can you please put me down?”

He obliged, but upon looking at her noticed that her smile betrayed her.

Jim started to get a feeling in his gut, an uncomfortable feeling, something he hadn‘t felt in a long time. It was the same way he felt every time she smiled. “You should have fun much more often,” he says carefully, trying not to let his sudden nervousness show. “I think it brings out the best in you.”

“I have fun all the time,” she protested, but he gave her a sarcastic glance.

“I do. I … play with my cats. I knit. I go to church.”

“Okay, I’m sure you have a grand time doing all of that, but you’re not, you know, a grandmother. You can do other stuff.”

Joking around had always been Jim’s way of dealing with things he was uncomfortable with, or wasn‘t ready to face, and he was still a pro at that.

“Are you going to give me a ride to my car or not?”  Jim just smiled in response. “Fine,” Angela said.

Jim put her back on his shoulders and carried her to across the parking lot to her car. The whole way there, Angela tried her best not to smile. That wouldn’t be appropriate.

They were in the break room for lunch when it happened. It was routine procedure by now.  Instinctively, he had grabbed her lunch out of the refrigerator along with his, and set it out on the table. Seeing this, she thanked him and smiled. He had to look away, though. He couldn’t face what he was feeling. Not now. It didn’t make any sense.

“He loved someone else more than me,” she blurted out.

“Excuse me?” a confused Jim responded.

“Dwight. I’m talking about it. You asked.”

“Wasn’t that like three months ago?”

“Why do you always have to joke about everything?” she snapped.

“Sorry,” he replied. “I don’t know. I’m a little nervous. I guess it’s kind of like a defense mechanism?”

“Defense mechanism for what?” she asked.

He gulped, “Maybe because I think I’m falling in love with you?”

“Oh,” replied a momentarily stunned Angela. “I see.”