Jim's car. Lunch break. July 13th, 2007.
On those rare days they feel confident in taking "lunch" together without being tracked by the camera crew, Jim and Pam go out to -- ahem -- eat.
Jim drives them off to some secluded point -- Saab trumps Yaris in overall size and relative comfort for exercise of the horizontal variety -- and they set-to, making out with the geeky intensity of wallflowers who find themselves with dates for the senior prom. After, they stop off at whichever apartment is closer and clean up.
They're back at work by 1:00. Nobody behind the camera's the wiser. Usually, this is a really good system.
Today, not so much.
Pam moans, and shifts her hip, and her hand accidentally bumps against the parking break handle. No big deal. Could have happened any time without consequence. Has happened many times without consequence.
Except right now Jim's left hand is caressing her hip, so it ends up pushed down against the button at the same moment. This frees the car from its mechanical moorings and rolls it down the hill they've chosen for their afternoon delight.
The car seems like it's moving downhill, but Pam thinks that might just be all the endorphins getting freaky in her bloodsteam. Until she starts hearing horns. Car horns. Loud car horns, and squealing tires, and raises her head enough to see out one of the windows.
"Oh my gosh," she says, loudly.
"Mmm," he says, preoccupied with the curve of her breast against his palm.
"We're in the middle of traffic," she blurts out.
"What?!"
And that's when a big rig hauling refrigerated cabbage from Chicago to Newark turns off of the Pennsylvania Turnpike and right into our narrative.
The driver hits his breaks, but inertia will trump foot pressure every time.
The upshot? It's a beautiful and dignified funeral.
Until Michael starts babbling incoherently and tries to have himself buried in Jim's grave, and Kevin starts spreading monosyllabic rumors about what they were doing when they died to anybody who'll listen.
Which is why Pam's mother jumps on his shoulders and pins him down, while Jim's mother kicks him repeatedly in a very sensitive place and both fathers cheer the wives on.
A full-on brawl breaks out shortly thereafter.
The documentary crew records it all, as ever.
Story Notes:
Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.
Also: Expect a wide spectrum of feelings, vignettes, and styles out of this. Don't take them very seriously; lord knows I don't.
Also: Expect a wide spectrum of feelings, vignettes, and styles out of this. Don't take them very seriously; lord knows I don't.
Author's Chapter Notes:
I'm slightly twisted, which might explain this one. It also sprang more-or-less fully formed from my head. I'll have another couple of (very different) endings later on, after sleep and careful revision.
NobodyInParticular is the author of 3 other stories.
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