Pam gasped as the cold water hit her face and washed away what little makeup she was wearing. She looked up into the mirror as the small beads trickled down her face, blinked several times, and began to smile.

They were gone. She wasn’t crazy.

To be sure she turned to look at her right shoulder, then her left, and sighed at the absence of any small versions of herself on either one and no voices that matched her own. It all must have just been some strange hallucination, a combination of stress, wine, and wariness….hopefully.

Still, the image of her hallucinations had sobered her entirely. To that end, with her face still wet, Pam resolutely decided that she would stop drinking so much. Wait. She would stop watching Blind Date first, that seemed to usually precede the drinking anyway. She wasn’t sure about the stress and weariness though.

How could she possibly be less stressed and less weary? She had to work with Jim and Karen all day. Had to watch her walk over and hug him, or laugh at his jokes, or eat together, or…

Suddenly the image of straddling Jim’s bare chest crashed in on her thoughts. The imagined sensation of his chest hair tickling the pinched skin around the elastic of her panties, and of their honeyed tongues meeting in his mouth, sent her mind to places that were definitely not weary or stressed.

Pam shook the thoughts out of her mind as she reached for a hand towel and wiped her face off. Angela had bought them when she had decorated the bathroom a couple of years ago. She had purchased them with the petty cash, and had spent weeks picking them out because….Jim would look good in a hand towel, maybe as he was coming out of the shower?….She stopped, took a breath, and tried to focus back on the towel in her hand, but she couldn’t.

What was wrong with her? Where was all this stuff coming from? Usually when she thought about Jim it was how romantic he was, or would be with her. There were candles, doors being opened for her, and daily surprises.

Now? Now she was wondering what Jim’s eyes and lips would look like in the candlelight. How his hand would feel on the small of her back as he guided her through a door. The kind of surprise she was thinking of made her blush and bite her bottom lip.

She knew it was that Devil hallucination. She wasn’t even real, but she had filled her head with all these ideas and possibilities. She had to stop, this wasn’t her….it wasn’t them. Not that there was a them, of course, but when their connection had worked it was never built on those kinds of feelings. He was her best friend because…well, because of a lot of reasons, but none of them were because he looked good naked…. though she was sure he did.

Pam walked out of the bathroom with her head down as she tried to make sense of what was happening to her. She pushed the door to the breezeway open and stopped cold. The entire office was empty.

Rooted to the spot, she turned her head to look into the Conference Room, but the blinds were closed. Nevertheless, she could already hear Michael’s excited voice. She was tempted to turn around, go hide in the bathroom, and read a magazine, but she decided to try to make it to her desk unnoticed instead.

With her eyes on the Conference Room, she walked as quietly as she could past Stanley’s desk, and towards Dwight’s. She silently prayed that Michael would be too wrapped up in whatever it was he was doing to notice her. She had made it to Dwight’s desk when she heard Michael’s voice stop suddenly. She froze again, and then decided to make a dash towards Reception. She wasn’t fast enough.

“Pam! There you are! C’mon, we’re all waiting.” Michael leaned out the Conference Room door and excitedly yelled across the office to her.

Pam’s mind raced with a multitude of excuses to get out of the meeting, but she dismissed as soon as she thought of them.

Family emergency? (No, Michael would probably stop the meeting to talk about it…and maybe hold her hand and hug her.)

Feminine issues? (No, and kind of gross. Not to mention she didn’t want Dwight to make some weird comment about envying women’s ability to menstruate again. Plus, what would Jim think?)

Really, really bad headache? (Definitely not. The last time she had used that one, Michael had ordered Andy to play Enya on his banjo to soothe her. It did not really translate.)

Acute photophobic jellylegitis? (Probably not a good idea. She would have to explain it to Dwight, then probably wobble her legs and fall down to prove her affliction.)

She looked up at Michael’s expectant face and decided to go with her last resort, work.

“Michael, I’ve got faxes…”

He interrupted her. “Mandatory Pam! It’s….look, its mandatory, but it’s mandatory fun, ok? So…just c’mon down.” He attempted his best Price is Right impression, while laughing and smiling manically.

She nodded and walked towards the Conference Room. She knew there was no use in arguing anyway. What use were logic or work duties in the face of Michael’s childish enthusiasm? Pam walked past Michael, who curtsied as she passed, and into the Conference Room. Immediately the eyes of all her co-workers were on her. Awesome.

She forced herself not to blush back at their stares, and instead put on a calm face as she pretended to look around uninterestedly for a place to sit. The truth was that the only thing she cared about was where she sat. Jim and Karen were next to each other, of course, but if she could find a seat behind them, she could look at Jim without either of them knowing it. She briefly considered how sad that made her, but decided the reward was good enough not to care.

Sure enough, there was an empty seat behind them both. Pam smiled and walked briskly towards it. As she sat down Michael began again.

“So, now its time to reveal the big second quarter Dunder-Mifflin activity fun trip!” His eyes became wide, and he rubbed his hands together. “We’re going to the beach, mon!…yup, we’re going to Lake Scranton!” Nobody reacted to his words and seconds of awkward silence ticked by.

Pam saw Jim drum his fingers anxiously on the table before he spoke, its rhythm sent shivers down her back. “Um…Michael. We go to Lake Scranton, like, every year.”

She fought back a laugh and a smile at his words. He was right. She had no idea why Michael was making an announcement at all, let alone why he was doing it as though it were a surprise.

“Jim, this time is different. Um, because….” Michael cocked his head and looked over at the window in thought.

Poof! Pop!

Pam concentrated on the clearly stammering Michael as he attempted to prove to Jim and everyone else whose time was being wasted in the Conference Room, why this year’s excursion would be different. As he listened, Jim leaned back in his chair and put his hands behind his head, clearly amused at Michael’s attempts.

“I wish he’d roll up his sleeves when he did that lean back thing.”

Pam jumped up in her chair at the sound of the voice, clutched her chest, and yelped. “Jesus!”

Everyone in the Conference Room turned their surprised eyes towards Pam. Now she was blushing.

“Quick! Say something! Talk about Easter or Christmas! Angela will kill us if we don’t.”

Pam gulped, and tried to turn the attention away from herself. She opened her mouth to speak, “um, sorry. I was thinking about…Easter?” Her eyes fell to her lap, only to quickly dart back up to see if anyone had bought her excuse.

Everyone had, except one. Jim continued to look at her, his eyes a mix of amusement and concern. His gaze brought her eyes back down to her lap.

“Smooth Pam. What was that about?”

Michael had continued to talk about Lake Scranton as Pam slouched down in her chair and turned her thoughts inward. “What was that? I thought you two were gone! I thought you were a bad dream.”

“Oh.” Devil said matter-of-factly. “We told you before, you’ve got a problem, and we’re here to help….” Devil paused for a second and smiled, “…you didn’t need us in the bathroom did you?”

“Devil, don’t act like that. We’re sorry Pam, we didn’t meant to surprise you like that. Devil is right though, we can’t leave until this whole thing with Jim is figured out.” Angel smiled shyly up at Pam and shrugged her tiny shoulders.

Pam snorted in frustration. “Look, there is nothing to figure out. He’s with Karen and I’m just here. I can’t compete with her anyway.” She paused in frustration, which quickly became anger. “Where were you two when I was wasting years of my life with Roy anyway?”

“Pam, that was different. We knew what we had with Roy. We weren’t unhappy too much, at least not until Jim came along, and well….” Angel stopped and looked up at Pam sorrowfully,“…it was complicated, and we both knew after that night you were going to cancel the wedding eventually. You didn’t need us.”

“Pam, what Angel is trying to say is that we blew it. Angel and I should have been on your shoulders the minute you saw him take back that Christmas card, yelling at you to grab him, and make him tell you what he really felt.”

Devil looked down and watched as she traced a figure eight on Pam’s shoulder with her foot and continued, “What you don’t understand though, is that we’re not stronger than your conscious mind. You repressed so much of Jim and what he really meant to you for so long. I mean, in five years I was able to slip one sex dream about Jim in. One! And we’ve got equal control of dreams with your conscious mind! No, every time we tried to manifest ourselves, we were shut down.”

“Yes, the only reason we’re here now is because you’ve finally allowed yourself to accept that you love Jim, that you want to be with him. You’re stronger and more independent then you’ve ever been before Pam.”

“Like it matters,” Pam thought. She looked over at Jim and Karen sitting next to each other, watching Michael describe how Lake Scranton would increase sales and morale. “Look at her. She’s….I mean…I can’t compete with that.”

“No Pam, don’t think like that. We’ve known him for almost five years, she’s known him for less then a year. Do you think they have a special word for when something gets stuck in your shoe? Or know the first thing about Spontaneous Dental Hydroplosion? We’ve got too much history to just ignore.”

“Plus, we’ve definitely got bigger boobs.”

“Devil!” Angel put her hands on her hips and bent sideways around Pam’s neck to glare at Devil. "Do you think Jim is that kind of guy? He’s not Roy or like other guys. He loved us because of…well, I guess because we were just us.” Angel looked dreamily over in Jim’s direction.

Devil rolled her eyes up at Pam. “Yeah…I don’t think he asked Katy out that day because he thought they had a lot in common.” She smirked and cupped her hands an inch or two in front of her breasts.

“Devil!”

“Alright, alright.” Devil put up her hands in mock surrender. “Look, all I’m saying is that it wouldn’t kill anyone if we just….raised some things and maybe undid a button. Jim isn’t like that gross guy Kelly forced on us, we want him to notice, don’t we?”

Pam intervened in the conversation within her own head. “I tried that stuff already. When he first got back, I did my hair and put more makeup on and everything. What did I get for it? Nothing, I just looked ridiculous…..like I always do.” She sighed out loud at the thought.

“C’mon Pam, not back to the self-doubt and self-pity thing, you’re so far past that now. Look, did you slut-up before? No, and he fell in love with us.”

“Really Angel? ‘slut-up,’ I don’t think…” Devil shook her head in consternation. “We’ve got to show him what he’s missing...that he’s got options.”

“Options? We’re not a salad dressing choice, Devil.”

Pam rubbed her right temple with her index finger. What was her mind doing to her? She looked back up in time to see Michael conclude his Lake Scranton pitch.

“The hula-hoop competition builds character Stanley! Ok? Look…seesh, you guys are missing the point.”

“I’m not missing the point, Michael, I’m right on it.” Dwight chimed in. His face held an intensity not normally associated with hula-hoops.

“Shuuut it! Shut it.” Michael awkwardly chuckled and smiled. “The beach is the perfect place for us all to chill and burn, it’ll be great!”

“I can’t burn, my doctor said I should avoid the sun.” Kevin, who was sitting next to Pam in the back, exclaimed. His face a combination of worry and jiggling.

Pam was smiling now. She couldn’t help it. Michael could be so clueless some times. She opened her mouth to speak, but closed it again. She didn’t want to make waves. Then again….

“Say it!” Devil bounced on her toes, eyes alive and brimming with excitement.

“Don’t say it Pam. Michael is clueless but he’s not a bad guy…just kinda uncultured.” Angel warned.

Pam was torn, but when she saw Jim, who was still leaning back in his chair, smile and chuckle, her decision was made for her.

“Um, Michael where did you hear that expression?” Pam’s voice turned Michael’s eyes on her.

“Wha?...um, Jamaica, Pam.” Michael put added emphasis on the last two words, and spoke them slowly and slightly condescendingly. “People there say it all the time, its cool.”

Before Pam could open her mouth to reply to Michael, Jim spoke, just like he used to. “Wow, so uh, did you chill and burn a lot in Jamaica then?”

Michael looked slightly surprised at the question, and wiped a bead of sweat that had formed at his hairline away. “Um…well….yeah, of course, I mean I’m all about the chilling and the burning. Can’t get enough!” He ended the strange ramble with a throaty chuckle.

“Oh, Michael.” Angel moaned and shook her head.

Devil just laughed, holding her sides with her hands.

While Michael spoke, Dwight had turned in his chair and stared challengingly at Jim, his eyes narrow and nostrils flared. When Michael stopped, Dwight unblinkingly spoke. “I too love to chill and burn. Many evenings I sit on my porch with Mose and burn and chill.”

“Thank you Dwight.” Michael gestured towards Dwight approvingly. If he had a tail, Dwight would have wagged it.

Pam’s head was in her hand, and she was laughing out loud now. It was just too funny. Dwight, who had once accused her of smoking marijuana in the very same Conference Room, now was proclaiming his love of “burning.” She looked up and saw Dwight and Michael stare confusedly at her. Her laughter intensified until she saw Jim’s face. Then her laughter and heart stopped. He was smiling broadly, adoringly? Well, she could hope so at least. Either way, they were in together on a joke, like they hadn’t been in a long time. She felt a warmness flow through her effortlessly as she held his eye contact. It was short lived however.

“This is outrageous!” Angela had stood up from her chair and put her hands on her hips. “I will not sit here and hear about the proclivities and vices of the drug-addled!” She had turned to leave when Dwight’s concerned tone stopped her in her tracks.

“Oh Dwight is dead!” Devil laughed wickedly.

Angel smiled in spite of herself.

“Monk…I mean, Angela. What are you talking about? I do not use drugs!” Dwight’s voice held a firmness that made Pam begin to laugh all over again.

“Dwight! ‘Burning,’ which you professed your love for, is code-slang for marijuana smoking!” Pam turned in time to see Creed nod his head in approval.

Dwight sat back in his chair, obviously shocked by the information, while Michael opened his mouth, but no words came out.

Through fits of chuckling, Jim forced out, “Angela…how do you know that?”

“I just do!” she squeaked. “I keep up on things, I read the daily news, and check Foxnews.com several times a day…while I’m on my break of course!” Angela’s voice had reached a pitch usually reserved for Kelly and dog whistles.

Pam’s mind instantly went to…

“Say it! Say it! Jim will love it!”

Angel just stared slack jawed at the whole scene.

Pam tried to swallow the laughter that was bubbling from her chest, and put on the most serious face that she could manage. She glanced quickly over a Jim, who raised an eyebrow in response, and then focused on Angela. “Do you do that for Sean Hannity Angela? He’s so dreamy…” she let her voice trail off.

Jim laughed so hard that he had to cover his mouth with his right hand. Despite Karen, who was now looking at him rather intently, he turned and smiled at Pam.

“Yes! That was great!” Devil air-fived herself.

“Sean Hannity? What the…” Angel looked confused at Pam.

Angela’s small frame was now shaking from her toes to her blonde hair. “I…” she stammered but stopped. She turned towards Pam and extended her arm and index finger at her. “Hussy!...” her voice quivered with rage, and she turned to look at Michael. “Pothead!....the both of you! I…” her voice stopped again, overwhelmed with emotion. She turned and walked briskly out of the Conference Room and towards the Women’s Bathroom.

Without hesitation, Dwight got up from his seat and followed her. At the same time Michael, who had finally recovered from Angela’s tongue-lashing, addressed everyone.

“I…I do not do drugs either! I’m not a user or an abuser…” He rubbed his hand against his forehead in frustration. “God…just….meeting over. Go back to your desks.” With a dramatic flourish, Michael walked out of the Conference Room and turned the corner to go back into his office.

With Michael and Dwight gone, everyone slowly stood up and filed out of the Conference Room. Pam couldn’t contain her happiness and her smile. That had felt like it used to, effortless and fun. He had smiled at her. He hadn’t even cared that Karen was sitting next to him, at all either. She stopped herself for a second. What was she 13? Screw it. She was going to enjoy the moment. She hadn’t felt like this in a while.

Because she had sat in the back of the room, Pam was behind everyone slowly leaving the Conference Room. Jim was in front of her, his hands in his pockets, pulling the fabric of his pants tightly across his ass. She glanced briefly down to take it in, then back up again.

“C’mon Pam. Nobody is behind us, ok? Check out his ass, ‘cause I know I am.” Devil leaned forward and stared.

Pam turned to look at Angel for her response, waiting for the counter-argument.

Angel looked up at her and shrugged. “He’s got a great ass, you might as well, no one will see us.”

Pam smiled and her eyes lowered back down.