On the Schrute Beet Farm in days gone by, the Shame Stool saw a lot of use. The Schrute boys were sent there when their boybeets were tingly, or when their boybeetstalks rose up strong to greet the day. Just about every morning, as soon as he woke up, Mose Karl Schrute would walk (slowly and awkwardly) to the Shame Stool. Often, his cousin Dwight would be sitting there. Dwight would always stand up (attempting to hide his shame with the Beet Farming Compendium) and slink away, leaving the Shame Stool to Mose. In the earliest years of the Shame Stool, Mose and Dwight had compared boybeetstalks to see who was more shameful. Dwight was shameful, but Mose was always so much more shameful than Dwight. Mose was the most shameful of all the Schrute and the Mannheim boys.

Granmutter Schrute used to say that Mose was hung like a Pferd. Mose didn't know what a Pferd was, but he didn't want to be hung. So he dutifully sat on the Shame Stool every morning, concentrating on his boybeetstalk, letting his mind feel every sensation in his stalk, and willing the beet juice to go to other parts of his body. Sometimes, he thought he should just go about his day tending the beet fields, and not think about his steinhart boybeetstalk. The one time he had risen from the stool to see if it would go away if he ignored it, Granmutter had come running from the house with a broom, yelling and sweeping him back into place. He never again tried to get off the stool before his shame had ebbed.

Mose eventually learned to be the first Schrute awake each day. He would slip out to his special place in the barn, the very last horse stall. There hadn't been a horse there in years, and Mose had cleaned it out and put a mattress and blankets on the floor. Every morning, without fail, he'd take some rendered goose-grease and tend to his boybeetstalk until it erupted in gloriously warm Schrute Juice (the warmth felt especially nice in the winter). Then he'd clean himself off, tuck his no longer shameful boybeetstalk back into his breeches, and settle into place on the Shame Stool, until Dwight came out of the farmhouse to take his place. No one knew of Mose's morning activities. Many times, he thought about telling Dwight, but he feared that his cousin would reveal the secret, and the horse stall of boybeetstalk pleasure would be denied him.

That was many years in the past now. A grown man, Mose had a grown man's body. He'd grown whiskers on his face and hair around his stalk, which could only be called a manbeetstalk now. He still had his horse stall, and sometimes he used it. Other times he called forth his Schrute Juice in the beet fields (it was particularly good fertilizer) or in his bedroom. No one came after him with a broom.

Now he knew that "hung like a Pferd" meant his manbeetstalk was as big as a horse's penis. Looking at the two horses remaining at the beet farm, Mose couldn't help but be insulted by Granmutter's comparison. Perhaps his stalk had been smaller back then, or they'd had different horses. No matter. Poor Granmutter had passed away years back, as had her sons. One by one, all the cousins except Dwight had moved away from the farm. Even Dwight had started working in the city, so for years, Mose had been the sole Schrute running the farm day to day - planting and harvesting the beets and taking care of the animals. Sometimes he wished he dared to change his life in some drastic way, like planting exotic golden rutabagas instead of plain red beets. But Mose was a Schrute, and Schrutes grow beets, no matter how much they might yearn to grow gorgeous golden rutabagas.

Everything finally changed the day Mose left the beet farm to visit Dwight's paper company. He had met a large dark man, the kind of man you could get lost in. What they did that day...Mose didn't have the words to describe the glory, and the wonder! Once Mose had met this man, this Lonny, this...Seamonster, he knew that the days of greasing up his own manbeetstalk were over.

So Mose made the trip into the city again, and brought back his large man, his already-beloved Lonny. Dwight didn't seem to approve. He said no Schrute in the history of Schrutes, all the way back to Amland, had been gay. Mose disagreed; he had always been a fairly content Schrute, and with Lonny around, now he was extremely happy. If that wasn't gay, Mose didn't know what was. Despite Dwight's misgivings, the Seamonster stayed. They needed to render a lot more goose grease each year, but it seemed worth it. Eventually, tired of all the happiness, Dwight moved into the city.

After a few years to themselves, Mose and Lonny were blessed with children. Some of the teenagers who hung around in the Schrute family graveyard brought them two little babies they had found. Once Mose cleaned off the messy red, chalky stuff ("Where on earth did that come from?" he wondered), he discovered they were boys with fine red boybeets and boybeetstalks. The two fathers loved their babies dearly; they carried them on their backs in wooden cradle-packs, lovingly carved by Mose, and then stained with beet juice in beautiful red patterns by Lonny.

The boys grew healthy and strong; their fathers taught them everything they knew about beet farming and working in a warehouse. There was no way of knowing which boy would choose which career. One thing Mose did know: the boys shouldn't have to take turns on a Shame Stool like he and Dwight did. A few years before the boys were teenagers, Mose designed and built a beautiful Shame Bench, with ample room for two.

He thought perhaps he should prepare a second horse stall as well, and try to attract some more geese.