PAM


It wasn’t a date. She had to tell everyone at work that. It was Casual Friday so why wouldn’t she wear a nice blouse and jeans? Her hair was a little extra curly, but so what? She’s not allowed to plug in her curling iron once in a while? And Kelly was quite mistaken when she accused her of putting on lip gloss at her desk.

Five o’clock finally arrived. Once again she explained to Michael that she did not have a hot date or was going out “looking for some booty.” She was careful not to mention Jim’s name. She was sure they probably wouldn’t care that much about him since he had been gone for so long. At least that’s what she told herself as she read his email one last time and couldn’t help but smile just a little.

Beesly-

Attached is a map to my new place from Dunder-Mifflin. My cell is on it too. Just call me when you are headed out so I can start dinner. Before you think of the dreaded ‘D’ word, there is nothing wrong with two friends sharing a meal and catching up. Hmm maybe I shouldn’t use the even more dreaded ‘F’ word either. Too late.
See you Friday. Oh, remind me that I have something to show you. (TWSS). Old habits you know.


Jim

She called him before she got into her car. The conversation was short and polite. It was good that he couldn’t see her hand in a death-grip on her necklace. She flipped the phone shut and tossed it onto the seat beside her. Feeling both wary and hopeful, she turned left out of the parking lot and headed to Jim’s.

The apartment complex was only about ten minutes from work she realized as she maneuvered her car into a parking space in front of his building. Pam double-checked the apartment floor and number on the map and headed up an iron-wrought staircase. She stopped in front of a dark green door with the number ‘21’ on it. Absently she wiped the palms of her hands on her jeans and knocked.

Pam heard the deadbolt disengage. Jim opened the door and grinned self-consciously at her. He sort of froze in place as he stared at her, much like he did at Poor Richard’s a week ago. Outwardly she pretended not to notice. Inwardly she patted herself on the back. She knew he liked her hair down and in curls. Of course she did it just to have a bit of fun with him. It wasn’t like she was trying to impress him...much. This wasn’t a date she told herself again, although it was getting harder to actually believe that.

“Ah...hey. Come in,” he said finally, sweeping his arm in a welcoming gesture. “Sorry the place is still a bit of a wreck. Just pretend cardboard is the new hot style all of the metrosexuals are talking about.”

She laughed and brushed past him into the living room. He smelled nice. He was also really cute in his faded jeans and navy polo shirt. However, the thing that made Pam almost trip over herself was the fact that he wasn’t wearing any shoes. For some odd reason seeing his bare feet quickened her pulse.

In an effort to take her mind off of him, she studied his apartment. His place actually looked a bit smaller than hers. He had a couple of open boxes here and there, but it looked more or less moved into. Another smell filled her senses. She couldn’t quite make it out. “What are you making?” she asked him.

“Just a little lemon-pepper chicken with garlic mashed potatoes. Hope you approve,” he replied as he closed the door behind her.

She staggered slightly, afraid if she took another step she would collapse to her knees. My God. He remembered. She fought as hard as she could to prevent the heat in her eyes from falling down her face. What was it four years ago? They weren’t really even good friends yet. Roy and she were sitting down to eat lunch. The previous night she had cooked lemon-pepper chicken and garlic mashed potatoes. She hardly ever cooked for him and was so proud of herself. Roy hated it and let her know about it. How he worked hard all day and she should know that he didn’t like that crap. Undaunted, she had brought in virtually the whole dinner for lunch in hope Roy would change his mind. He didn’t and left her sitting there. Jim walked it right after him and she knew he could tell she was upset. Thankfully he didn’t make a big deal out of it though. He just sat down and told her about this prank he was going to pull on Dwight after lunch. He asked her for help and she agreed. Out of politeness she offered him a portion of her lunch. He didn’t hesitate, saying that mashed was the only way to eat potatoes. She didn’t know it then, but that’s the moment she started to fall in love with him.

“Pam? You ok? You are frowning at me,” Jim asked watching her face.

His voice sprung her back into her own body. “Sorry. Work was just so…well…you remember right?” Pam gave him a smile that she hoped looked genuine. “So chicken and potatoes huh?” she asked, trying to get her mind off of him yet again.

Jim shrugged and nodded. “Yeah. Sorry it’s so simple. But I think you told me once a while back that you liked it. Is it ok?” he asked.

Pam thought about just throwing her arms around him and squeezing until he couldn’t breathe. Instead she answered, “Sounds good to me. Where’s your bathroom at?”

He nodded in the direction of the hallway. “First door on the right. Can’t miss it. Oh and Pam, don’t look in the hamper. I would not be happy if you saw my Spider-Man pajamas,” he replied, grinning.

Breathing an overly-dramatic sigh she nodded at him. “If I must. Besides, I’d rather see you wearing them anyway.” The words were out of her mouth before she registered what they meant. The sudden blush on his face confirmed her fear. “Jim – no – well – I didn’t mean-“

Jim laughed it off. “I know what you meant Pam. But I would have to agree. I mean who wouldn’t want to see Jim Halpert filling out the red and the blue of the Amazing Spider-man?”

Not able to look at him anymore, she hurried down to the bathroom and closed the door behind her. She was shaking. She put both hands on the rim of the sink, steadying herself. She was losing it. She had worked so hard on rebuilding her life. Sure she wished she could have done some things differently, but she did the best she could. And just when she thought she was finally in a good place, he comes along and wrecks it all. She has seen him a total of three times and she is already picturing herself in his arms. They should be working on being friends again. She shouldn’t be here on a date. And yes it was a date. Might as well call a spade a spade.

She turned the faucet on to hide her sniffles. It didn’t matter that she understood so clearly his reasons for going away and not staying in touch. It didn’t matter that he could make her laugh just by looking at her. It didn’t matter that he remembered food she brought one time at work over four years ago. She was going to walk out of this bathroom, apologize for passing on dinner, and head home to talk to her mom. She wasn’t ready to admit to him what she couldn’t that fateful night in May. Pam grabbed a washcloth and dabbed at the corners of her eyes. She squared her shoulders, opened the door, and fully intended to wish Jim a polite but quick goodnight.

“Jim thanks for making dinner but-“ she started to say but faltered when she focused on him hovering over the table in the kitchen nook. Jim was leaning over it, arranging a bowl of steaming mashed potatoes on a thick cotton towel. He looked at her quizzically but she barely noticed. Her eyes reached past him and locked onto the wall. Or more specifically what hung on it just above his head. It was a picture surrounded by a simple black frame.

The sudden water in her eyes made it difficult to see, but she knew what it was the second she her gaze fell upon the drawing. It was a simple sketch of a lamp on a desk. Nothing overly interesting about it save for the yogurt lid hanging on its neck, surrounded by paperclips. It was hers. She had drawn that from memory one day when she found herself missing him more than usual. She liked to remember that Jim. He was so full of life that day. He made her feel like a kid again with him, and she loved him for that. Tearing her eyes away from it stared at him. “Where did you get that Jim?”

He knew exactly what she was talking about. He watched her carefully, as if she was a porcelain statue ready to shatter all around him. “That is what I wanted to show you. Do you remember last Christmas when Dunder-Mifflin had that in-house auction for charity? Where we all donated something?”
It clicked so suddenly that she thought her head actually snapped back a little. “Yes! That’s right! I donated it!” Her eyes went wide. “Jim! You mean to tell me you are the person who gave-”

A blush filled his face as he interrupted her. “The money wasn’t important to me Pam. I would have given anything.” He turned to study the drawing on his wall. “When I saw it the first time, I knew it was yours without even reading the description. I knew it was my lamp and my medal.” Jim looked back at her, his eyes intense. “At first I wasn’t going to bid on it. I thought it was just be too – intense - to have around. But then I started thinking of how selfish that was. You had drawn that. And it was – is –awesome. Seriously. I thought that if you had drawn something so beautiful you might have drawn other stuff too. Maybe that meant you were chasing down something in your life that you wanted to do no matter what anyone else thought. And that thought, Pam, made me happy. And proud. So I bought it.”

At that very moment, when she looked at him standing there, grinning that half-grin of his, Pam gave up the fight. Every inch of his face resonated sincerity. He hid it well, but behind the fire in those eyes was the love he told her about one night long ago. It was so clear once she stopped being blind to her own feelings. She took two steps towards him, her eyes never wavering from his.

He opened his mouth to say something but never got the chance. Her mouth was on his in an instant. She snaked her arms around his neck and pulled him closer, giving in to her rekindled feelings. He stiffened in surprise. The only coherent thought in her mind maybe she made a mistake. Maybe he really was past her – past this. Then his long arms wrapped around her and his mouth settled into hers, returning her kiss with a deeper one of his own.

She shivered, a cold tendril of excitement spreading up her spine. Jim, being Jim, noticed this and motioned with finger and a smile to stay. She watched him, breathless, as he rummaged through a box in his living room. He quickly produced a neatly folded Phillies jersey. He brought it to her and helped her put it on. It was a bit large on her, but she didn’t care, not even a little. She didn’t have the heart to tell him that she wasn’t cold. Because even when he didn’t have it completely right, he always somehow made it better instead. He clutched the jersey in his hands and drew her to him. She let him.

Dinner was forgotten, left to cool on the table. They somehow found themselves on the couch, holding onto each other for dear life. Tender kisses were sprinkled in between the silence of their gazes. Neither said a word. Their tears and smiles said it all.